“No, I don’t think so,” she replies.“You can start gently, and only join in when you feel up to it.Believe in yourself, Olive.You really are doing excellently.”
My smile feels forced.“If you say so.”
“I’ll see you again on Friday,” she says after a glance at her table.“And don’t forget your exercises.”
“I’ll try.”
She smiles.“I know, Olive.Be proud of yourself.You’ve come so far already.”
She means well, I know that, but her words don’t improve my mood.That doesn’t change until I’ve left her practice and see Emma and Tori, who promised to come and meet me so we can hang out in the village a wee while.
They bombard me with questions about the session and how things are going in class.To my relief, I found it pretty easy to get back up to speed with A-level Spanish.After class this morning, Mr.Acevedo told me he’s happy with me.I could try harder in the oral, he says, but that’s difficult because I’m sat next to Fantino, and compared to his, my Spanish is abysmal.To be honest, I hadn’t expected him to be so academic.He’d probably find it way easier in the upper sixth than I would, and I don’t like that thought at all.Still, I guess it wouldn’t make sense for him to join halfway through the A-level courses, same as with Emma when she came here from Germany last year.
“So what are you doing in maths just now?”I ask.We’re in Irvine’s, and Tori’s just grabbed a bag of crisps to join the chocolate and tea bags in her shopping basket.
“God knows; I don’t,” she mutters, continuing to scan theshelves.The shop’s too small to have much of a range, but somehow we always manage to spend hours here.
“We’re doing mechanics at the moment,” Emma replies, lobbing a packet of tampons into Tori’s basket.
“Yeah,” Tori says.“I’m really lost with all that.”
“Henry will be able to help you for sure,” Emma tells her.
“Can I tag along?”
They give me that look, the one that drives me insane.
“It’s my birthday in six weeks,” I say curtly.
“Do you think you’ll really be able to move up?”Emma asks.“Is that even possible this far into the year?”
I give an exasperated shrug.“It has to be.”
“Is it that bad in the lower sixth?Will and Kit are there too,” says Tori.
“And I thought you’d made friends with that new girl from Germany,” Emma adds.“Elain.We got talking the other day, and she’s really nice.”
“No, yeah, but I have to come back to you guys.”I gulp.“You don’t know how crap it is suddenly not to be part of things.”
“You’re just as much part of things as ever.”
I gaze at Tori with everything I can’t put into words.“You don’t even believe that yourself.”
“Yes, I do, Livy.We all believe it.It’s only you who doesn’t.”
“I just miss you.”I dig my hands into my jacket pockets as I stroll down the aisle.
“We miss you too, Olive.”
I have to bite my bottom lip and focus on the pain to take my mind off how shite Emma’s words make me feel.
“Everyone got everything?”asks Tori, who followed me.
I just nod because I only came into the little supermarket to be with the others.I don’t need anything, but after this, we’re taking a detour to Ebrington Tales, and then we’ll wind up in the Blue Room Café.Like the old days.I hate how little we see of each other now that we’re not in classes together.Sometimes I wonder what it will be like when my friends leave the school after their A levels and we’re all scattered to the winds.I don’t feel ready for that, but I’m afraid nobody ever will be.So it’s all the more important to pull off my plan to get to the upper sixth ASAP.
My eyes wander over the sweets and chewing gum beside the till while Tori and Emma look at magazines.Then I catch sight of a row of little packets.Scottish tablet is almost pure sugar and way too sweet for me—I didn’t even eat it for energy just before a swimming gala—but, given my recent discoveries, it suddenly seems vitally important to have a little stash.
I remember what Fantino said when I asked him if he always has sugar on him in case of emergency.I believe him, but still better safe than sorry.It might come in useful sometime.And if not, he never has to know.It doesn’t mean anything.I just like to be prepared, that’s all.
