“That could get tricky.Yes, here it is.Scorpio, I knew it.That’s funny.His birthday’s the day before yours, Livy.”
“And that interests me why?”
“It doesn’t, I know.But I could tell right away that he’s another misunderstood water sign.And he’s hot, right?”
I jump, feeling seen.
“Don’t you think so?”Tori goes on.“Yeah, I knew it.He’s just your type.”
“He’s not my type at all,” I contradict.
“No?”Tori raises her eyebrows at me.“He kind of reminds me of Ludwig, who used to be on the swimming team.”
“Let’s not talk about him,” I mumble.The time when I had a fierce crush on the Swiss boy two classes above me was definitely not my finest hour.I sometimes get the shivers right out of nowhere if I remember the one slippery kiss we had after a training session.And not in a good way.Luckily, that was just before the summer holidays at the end of the fourth form, and by the next term, he was back in the Alps.
“Ludwig,” says Tori, shaking her head slightly.“Those were the days.But Colin’s on another level.”
“Tori, I really don’t want to talk about Fantino.”
My best friend sighs.“Fine.What do you want to talk about, then?We’ve got about fifteen minutes.”
“You sound like a therapist,” I say, immediately regretting it.Because now I can feel Tori’s eyes resting heavily on me.
“Have you ever considered—”
“No,” I shoot back.
“You don’t even know what I was going to ask.”
“Yes, I do.”
“Fine.”Tori sits up a little straighter.“So why not?”
“I’m fine,” I say, and it’s amazing how easily some lies slip over your lips.You could think it was the truth.
“You can still see a therapist when you’re doing fine.”
“I know, Tori.”I cough.“And I can chat to Ms.Vail any time I feel the need.”
“OK,” she says.But I can tell we haven’t finished with the tricky issues.“How are things with your mum now?”
I remember my last conversation with her.You haven’t said anything to your dad, have you?Fuck it, I should’ve told him.Not to give Mum away but because it’s the right thing to do.The older I get, though, the more often I’m afraid there’s never just oneright thing.You can only weigh up which is the lesser evil.
“She says she’s not seeing the guy anymore.”My voice is so flat, it makes even me shudder.
“OK,” says Tori, but it sounds more like a question.
I rest my head on her legs and stare at Tori’s desk.“That’s good, right?”
“Even so, it was such an arsehole move,” says Tori, and I’m reminded yet again of why she’s my best friend.Last term, I forgot that for a while: The business about Mum and her affair was messing with my head so much that I was convinced I couldn’t speak to anyone in the whole world.I seriously hurt Tori.I regret that, and that I didn’t know whether I was coming or going is no excuse.Maybe it was a learning experience I had to go through.A mistake that almost cost me our friendship: I was raging, yet felt so powerless I just pushed away everyone who was worried about me.
I’m trying to see it as progress that I’m not doing it anymore,even though I still feel the same.Raging and powerless—for the same reasons as before, plus a whole set of new ones.
“You’re right,” I say.
“Not just cheating on your dad, but pulling you into the whole thing too.”
I just pull a face.There’s nothing more to say.
