I look at her, I watch Olive, and I have one thought.A single word.I thinkhome.
Olive
The Dunbridge centenary celebrations feel like a fever dream.More than once during the jam-packed day, my thoughts stray back to the Ebrington festival last year.It’s no secret that that’s making me tense.I know it’s irrational, because this evening has nothing to do with last summer.But I can’t stop my eyes roaming over to the west wing.Even so, I don’t freak out.
That’s not least down to my friends, who are keeping an eye on me today.It’s a nice feeling, but it’s making me sentimental too, because I just can’t forget that we’ve only got a few weeks until they leave.Henry has an offer from St.Andrews to study English, and Emma’s planning to do sports science there too in the autumn.So they’re not going to be a million miles away.Unlike Tori and Sinclair, who are heading off to London.Seriously.It might not be what they were originally planning, but to nobody’s surprise, they got places at RADA.They are reprising last year’s roles in the school play.I can hardly wait to see them on stage as Romeo and Juliet again.And eventually on the biggest stages in the country.
Tori cried when she told me she’s not going to St.Andrews with Emma and Henry.And I cried too, because London is over five hours away by train, which makes it hard to pop down for a visit.Hard, but not impossible, and Tori and Sinclair insist that their doors will always be open.
There’s no denying I’ll miss them.Gideon and Grace are going to Cambridge.Or so I thought.
During the morning cricket match—a friendly between the current senior team and one made up of old Dunbrigonians and staff—I can’t help noticing that Grace keeps glancing my way.After victory for the senior team, she doesn’t run down the stand to hug Gideon, she comes over and asks if we can talk.
Despite the spring weather, Grace is wearing her school jumper with her pleated skirt, as if the clothes could hide that, with impending A levels, she’s lost even more weight.
“I have to tell you something,” she says once we’ve put thepitch behind us, breaking a silence I couldn’t bear.“I’m not going to Cambridge right away.”
“What?”I only realize I’ve stood still when Grace does too.“Seriously?”
She nods.
“But...why?You’ve put so much work into getting the grades for law.”
“I know.”She swallows hard.“But I’m going to a clinic first.I’m on a waiting list, and I’m hoping for a place in the summer.”Her voice shakes, and Grace isn’t meeting my eyes.
“To a clinic?”I repeat.“An eating disorder...?”Grace nods, and I feel pure relief.“That’s good.Thatisgood, right?”
She’s scared.I can see it in her eyes.“I hope so.”
“It’s definitely good,” I insist.
“It kind of just happened,” she says.“Henry suddenly turned up on our doorstep, for the first time in ages.He said he couldn’t stand by and watch what was going on any longer and he offered to make an appointment with Ms.Vail for me, to get in touch with clinics, and to get Gideon on board if I didn’t want to go to things alone.I was raging at first, with him interfering like that, but then...we both cried, and he helped me write some emails and phone people.And you know how persuasive he can be.”
I also know that Henry Bennington wouldn’t stick his nose into other people’s business lightly.Just like I know that he never wanted to hurt Grace and that he still loves her even though his heart belongs to Emma now.And what he’s done for Grace proves that it’s in the right place.
“So what’s the thinking on all this?”I ask cautiously.
Grace tries to smile but fails miserably.“I think I’m scared,” she says in the end.“But it’s probably the right thing.”
When I hug her, I can’t help but agree—I feel her bony shoulders under my hands, despite all the clothing.“You’re so important to me, Gracie,” I whisper, and I hear the muffled sob that escapes her.“To all of us.And my wish for you is that you’ll matter enough to yourself to be able to stop this.”
I know perfectly well that it’s not as easy as all that, but this is a first step in the right direction after so many months when I’ve been—to put it mildly—at my wit’s end with Grace.Growing up is painful in so many ways, and realizing that you can’t save people is hard.But if there’s one thing I’ve learned in the last few years, it’s that Grace has the strength to save herself.And we’ll be there to support her if she wants us to.
“Hey!”We whirl around as we hear Gideon’s voice calling us from the sports ground.He’s wearing a grass-stained cricket jumper and a beaming smile that’s all for her.“We won!”
“Of course you did.”Grace squeals in surprise as he puts his arms around her and lifts her off her feet.“I said you would from the start.”
Once I’ve congratulated Gideon on the victory, I follow them back and find Colin in the stands with Kit and Will as the whole school cheers the cricket team.
Colin immediately twigs that something’s wrong, so I whisper to him some of what Grace told me.I’m glad she’s finally ready to get help, but it doesn’t change the fact that she’ll soon be gone, like the rest of my friends.However much that hurts, Ifeel sure it’ll be good for Grace to get a fresh start in a new place.Or I hope it will.
After dinner, the others suggest ditching the party and cycling to the beach.I look around for Dad.He’s here with Nathalie, and I’m OK with that.They asked me if I’d mind.And I didn’t, because I have to admit that Nathalie’s pretty nice.We’ve met a few times since our first dinner together back in the winter.She makes my dad happy, that’s obvious, even now as she stands beside him in a little group of staff, chatting with Mrs.Sinclair.
Mum didn’t come, and that’s OK too.She and Alexis moved in together to a flat in Edinburgh a couple of weeks ago.I haven’t been there yet, but I think I’ll be up to it soon.I met him over a meal in the new year, and I was surprised by how much I liked him.
“Are you OK?”Colin asks as we slip away with the others and walk through the arcades.We’d already changed out of our uniform into more comfortable clothes after the official celebrations were over.
“Yes,” I say.And it’s true, even though today also showed me that everything’s changed—or is about to change.“Are you?”
