Olive seems not to have been expecting that.“Hold the bus,” she says.“She—she didwhat?”
I just nod.
“But...”
“Yeah.”
“OK.Have I got this straight?She wanted to cover up the truth?”I nod mechanically.Olive stares hard at me.“Doyouwant everyone to know what really happened?”
Part of me wants to say no.That’s the part that’s scared of what will happen.Scared that Mom’s right and I should trust her.But a larger, more desperate part of me knows I can no longer live with the knowledge that I made a mistake and have been keeping my game face on ever since.I can’t keep it up.It’s time to take responsibility.“Yes.”
“Good.”Olive falls silent for a moment.“Then I’ll help you.”
33
Colin
Getting Mom to spring for another ticket to New York is easier than I expected.All I have to do is utter the words “girlfriend” and “plus one for the gala.”Ava Fantino is thrilled once she’s found out that Olive is a model student at Dunbridge Academy, on top of which her dad’s a doctor.Such a cute story for her to tell all the right people in New York society.
I didn’t want to drag Olive into this whole thing, but she wasn’t about to be talked out of coming with me once I’d told her my plan.Which was to fly to New York, turn up to Mom’s dumb event, and then go to the police.Now that I’m sitting in an airplane somewhere over the Atlantic, I’m not so sure it’s such a good idea.
I’d been surprised by the sense of excitement and anticipation earlier today, the first day of the half-term holiday at Dunbridge.Suddenly, there were packed suitcases and bulging bags filling the hallways.The courtyard was crammed with fancy cars; students were running into their parents’ arms.Olive and I got into her dad’s car so that he could drive us to the airport.The wholeway there, I felt like I should apologize that she was coming to New York with me instead of spending the break with her family, though I imagine she might prefer it this way.We haven’t spoken any further about her parents’ split, but I can’t help noticing that she’s still shaken up.I hate being so preoccupied with my own shit that I’m not taking as much time as I’d like to talk to her about her stuff.
I’m tense for the whole flight and get even more nervous once the pilot informs us that she’s beginning the descent into New York.My hands are sweaty—my fingers need something to do.I don’t even let myself think about the way I’d have calmed myself not so long ago.In our first session, Ms.Vail and I worked out a no-self-harming contract.At first, signing the piece of paper felt dumb, but to my surprise, it actually helps me take responsibility for my own actions.It would be naive to think this has solved all my problems—the last few days have been shit.So shit that I broke the agreement twice, but I was honest enough to tell Ms.Vail.The result was that I had to fill out these behavior-analysis questionnaires with her to help me understand why I fall back into old patterns and to work out alternative strategies.She approves of the boxing thing, and she suggested that next time, I write down my feelings before and after.
But now I’m on a plane with no punching bag anywhere in sight.
An hour later, as we’re sitting in the car Mom sent to pick us up, I suddenly feel Olive’s hand on my arm.“Feeling the pressure?”she asks.
Bull’s-eye.
My first instinct is to shake my head, but I remind myself:No, Colin.We’re not doing this anymore.We’re honest with the people who care about us.“A bit.”
“What can I do?”
I have no idea.Get two tickets for the first plane back to Scotland?I know that running away won’t solve my problems, but right now, I don’t feel like I have the strength to face them.Or to face my mom’s expression when she meets us shortly.
I look up as Olive hands me the scrunchie she’s been wearing around her wrist.
“What am I supposed to do with this?”I ask, staring at the fabric-wrapped hairband.
“It’s a coping mechanism,” she says.She’s using Ms.Vail’s language, so I bet she asked her what she could do to help me.
“It won’t relieve the pressure.”
“It’s not meant to.But it might help you deal with it in a less harmful way.”
I suppress a sigh and start to snap the hairband around my own wrist.It doesn’t seem to do much at first, but combined with the Manhattan skyline as it comes into view, I feel slightly calmer.I wait in vain for a feeling of coming home, though.
Olive
New York is just like I imagined it, but bigger.Wide streets, skyscrapers so high that, from the car that picked us up at the airport, I couldn’t make out where they ended.
I’ve been raging with my parents so many times lately, but I’m sure nothing could have stopped them coming to meet me and my boyfriend at the airport after a transatlantic flight.Colin doesn’t seem particularly surprised that neither his mum nor his dad is here to welcome us, and that makes me sad.
I truly become aware of how different his upbringing’s been from mine as we walk into an apartment-block lobby in the middle of Manhattan.It’s like a film.All the noise of hooting cars, sirens, and building sites that enveloped us outside are suddenly cut off as a lift launches us up to the top floor.The doors glide open and reveal a hallway that seems to be part of the Fantinos’ apartment.You can’t get up here without a keycode, which Colin entered downstairs.
I glance at him, but he’s looking down the corridor, and at that moment, a girl runs toward us.
