She doesn’t come, and she doesn’t message me either.But I dream of her when I eventually fall asleep—my body is forcibly taking what it needs, after I spent the last twenty-four hours running it into the ground.
In my dreams, Olive cries but listens to me.Sometimes she forgives me, other times she yells at me and walks out.Sometimes I find myself trapped in a burning building, either alone or with her.The only constant is my paralyzing, boundless despair.And the longing to be able to turn back time, to make all this not happen.
32
Olive
“But you said he’s OK?”
Dad agrees at once, and I have to fight down the urge to jump up from the sick-bay bed I’m sitting on.Dad came over to the school to fill in Mrs.Sinclair on how Colin’s doing.And to tell me that he’ll still be in hospital overnight.
“I did, and he is, pet.”I can hear how hard he’s trying to sound reassuring, which is actually worrying.
“He can’t be, though—otherwise, why won’t they let him out?”
“He’s in a stable condition, Olive, but such a bad case of hypoglycemia is exhausting for the body.Colin was lucky that no complications set in, but it would be irresponsible not to keep an eye on him a bit longer.”
“But you can do that here,” I say.
“Not as thoroughly as they can in the ICU, though.”
“Is he still there?”My throat clenches.
“Just to be on the safe side,” Dad says promptly.“I’m pretty sure he’ll be able to come back to school tomorrow so long as he keeps on improving.There’s no need to worry, love.”
I nod, my lips compressed.That’s easy for him to say—he wasn’t the one sat next to him when he just keeled over.I can’t shake off the mental images.Or the feeling that I couldn’t breathe once Colin stopped responding.
I want to ask Dad if Colin asked about me, but I don’t dare.Why would he have?He can probably barely remember a thing.He was drunk out of his skull, so that on its own probably wiped his memory, never mind the hypo.
“It’s just as well you were with him,” Dad says, to my surprise.After all, we were breaking the rules.
“I don’t suppose Mrs.Sinclair sees it that way.”
“Speaking purely as a doctor, you understand.”Dad raises an eyebrow with mock severity, then grows serious again.“You did a very good job, darling.I’m proud of how calm you kept.”
Calm.Don’t make me laugh.I was anything but calm.Whatever it looked like from the outside.Inside I was the total opposite.Not just because of the worry about Colin, but also because of everything else I found out last night.It was too much, and since then, I haven’t had a minute’s peace to think it all through.
“Would you like me to call Ms.Vail?”
I slowly shake my head.I only recently told Dad I’d been speaking to her.He was surprised at first, but I think he’s mainly relieved that I’m taking up the offer of help.“I’m seeing her tomorrow anyway,” I say.
“That’s good...You can always come to me, Olive.You know that, don’t you?”
I can’t help swallowing.“I do know, Dad.It’s just...sometimes it’s easier to talk to somebody neutral.”
“I can see that.”
After a struggle with myself, I ask, “How’s Nathalie?”
Dad’s slightly taken aback, but I can tell from the way he answers that he’s glad I asked.“Fine, great.She says happy birthday from her, by the way.”
“Thanks.”I smile.“That’s nice of her.”
“Do you think you’d be up to having dinner with us the next time she’s in Edinburgh?”
I knew that would come sometime.But something about the way Dad poses the question stops me instantly saying no.He hasn’t said “We’d like to take you out for dinner”; he’s left me the choice.“Yeah...that would be nice.”
“Really?I’m sure Nathalie will be pleased.I certainly am.”
