I press my lips together, having no idea what to say.
I would definitely consider Inga and Liv to be my friends at this point. We’re not as close as I am with Alix and Odessa, but they make a good substitute, and I think we could get that close if given more time.
Except that they don’t really know much about me.
They don’t know that I can do magic at all, let alone that it’s practically the most important thing in my life back home. My entire role in the court is to create magical solutions to the problems of our kingdom. If I told them that, I’m sure they wouldn’t want to be friends anymore.
“Fae don’t have a lot of children, anyway,” I comment, feeling like the subject isn’t exactly closed.
“Why not?” Liv asks boldly. Inga shoots her a look, and Liv shrugs. “What? She said I could be rude.”
“You also said she could ignore you,” Inga grumbles.
“It’s fine,” I say quickly. “No one really knows, but I think it’s because we’re immortal. If we had as many children as other species there would be too many of us so nature just…finds a way I guess?”
Both of them look grim, and share dubious looks.
“We’re immortal too,” Inga says. “And clearly that’s not an issue for us.”
She gestures to her stomach, which is still mostly flat, but I take her point.
I shrug. “I don’t know then.”
“Like I said, I think it’s obvious,” Inga mutters. “If they’re not trying to have children clearly he’s not going to knot her.”
“Oh, that’s true,” Liv says, in a tone as casual as if she were talking about the weather. “I forgot that some males actually have the self-control not to. I’ve got five pups, so obviously I wouldn’t know.”
They both laugh, and I grin awkwardly, trying to pretend I have any idea what they’re talking about.
What’s knotting?
Itrudge through the snowy woods, Kai, Luka, and the rest of the wolves moving silently beside me. The cold air burns my lungs, but I barely notice it anymore.
We’re going after trolls today, which is an easy job. I can practically kill a troll in my sleep, which is good, because I know I’m distracted. I have been for weeks now. Or maybe it’s more like months—years, even.
I wish I didn’t like kissing her so much.
I wish that I didn’t likeherso much.
I wish things didn’t have to be this way.
“Stop moping,”Kai says.“It’s fucking depressing.”
I can’t muster more than a grunt and a glare in his direction, and he rolls his eyes.
I wish I could talk to him about any of this. Surely Kai must have some experience with maintaining a relationship while not getting too attached. He has seven children with the same woman and nothing horrible seems to have happened to them—unless you count Kai’s face.
Honestly, if I could be sure that I’d just end up burned and blind in one eye and not actually dead, I’d probably be willing to risk it. There’s no way to know what would happen, though. It could be Aurelia who gets hurt, not me, and I can’t stand even considering that.
Seeming to feel my eyes on him, Kai glances over at me again. I suck in a breath, silently debating if I should just ask him anyway, but he ends up speaking first.
“I’ve been meaning to talk to you about something,”he says in my head, his expression turning serious.“I have to admit, I’ve had an ulterior motive for letting you and Aurelia stay in the camp.”
My brow furrows in confusion.“You what?”
I notice Luka’s ears prick up, his head turning slightly in our direction. The others are watching too, their bodies still but their attention fixed on us. I catch Kai’s eyes and give him a hard stare—a silent warning not to mention Aurelia’s magic in front of the others.
Kai’s eyes meet mine, a silent understanding passing between us. He jerks his chin at the others. “Go on ahead,” he says aloud. “We’ll catch up.”
