He shrugs, and I fall silent again as we walk.
Clearly still thinking about it, Fox suddenly adds: “I used to have to focus on it.”
“When?”
“When I was younger. The others used to try to piss me off enough that they would come out. At the time I thought they were fucking with me, but now I’m not sure.”
“What do you mean?”
“We do the same thing to young wolves to teach them not to lose control and shift in the middle of a fight.”
I think of Runa shifting in the middle of our sparring match. I suppose she must have panicked. I don’t want to talk about that right now though, so instead I say: “I guess now that I think about it I have seen you let your wings out a few times. When we were fighting that creature at yule, and that, uh, first time I was in your room.”
His brow furrows suddenly, with what looks like worry, but he doesn’t say anything.
Glancing sideways at his frowning face I feel compelled to lighten the mood. “Do you think you could shift in both ways at once?”
“What do you mean?”
“Could you be a wolf with wings?”
He blinks at me, his face frozen for a moment before his shoulders start to shake. A sound escapes him—half snort, half bark—and his eyes crinkle at the corners as he laughs.
My lips twitch as I picture a wolf soaring through clouds, its fur ruffling in the wind, paws paddling uselessly in the air. A giggle bubbles up from my chest, and soon we’re both doubled over, gasping for breath, tears streaming down our faces.
“Can you do it though?” I gasp. “Please try, I want to see.”
“I have no fucking idea,” he says, still grinning, “But I don’t think so. I think the wolf skeleton is too different. I might be able to do the wings at the same time as a partial shift, though. I’m not sure.”
“Will you try anyway? Please?”
“Fine. I’ll try it later.”
“Why later?”
“Because I see the spring up ahead, and I’ve been wanting to fuck you in that water since the first time we were here.”
My eyes darken, remembering how I wondered if he was thinking about me as much as I was thinking about him. “Me too.”
His smile fades, replaced by something hungry in his eyes. In one fluid motion, he bends down, wraps his arms around my thighs, and hoists me over his shoulder. My stomach presses against his back as he strides purposefully toward the steaming water.
With only three days left until my birthday, I walk with Fox to the center of the camp. He’s wearing his full armor,while I’m still dressed in only one of his shirts and my leggings. The shirt is so long on me that it falls down further than some of my dresses.
As we approach the bonfire, I spot the rest of the hunting party Fox will be joining milling around and waiting for him.
“I wish I could go,” I mutter.
“You know you can’t,” he says, voice low and tense. I nod, swallowing the argument rising in my throat. We’ve been through this before. “I know. Outsiders can’t join the hunts, I remember.”
His jaw tightens and his eyes shift for a moment, as if conflicted before he finally says “Yes. Exactly. It’s Kai’s rule, sorry.”
I glance over at Kai who is standing among the group waiting for Fox. I wave at him, knowing he can hear us. Kai grimaces as he waves back. He looks annoyed about something.
“How long will you be gone this time?” I ask.
Fox does the strange thing where his eyes shift out of focus and I know he’s talking to one of the other wolves in his head, then he looks back at me. “Not long. We should be back by dinner.”
“That’s only if you hurry the fuck up!” Kai yells across the camp. “Kiss your pretty mate goodbye and let’s fucking go!”
