“You can speak your mind. I won’t harm your perfect little ex-boyfriend.”Much.
“He blames you for her death.”
An uncomfortable weight lands on my chest. “He wouldn’t be the only one.”
God, I hadn’t heard Blair’s name in ages. I’m ashamed to say I haven’t even thought about her in a very long time. All of that feels like it was ten lifetimes ago. I’m not sure how long we sit in silence before the couch shifts and Josslyn is at my side, her hand on mine over my knee. It’s so warm and unexpected, I nearlyjump out of my skin. I stare at it, so small over mine it almost looks fragile. I don’t deserve the comfort or the peace it brings me, but I’m a selfish man. I turn my hand and thread our fingers together.
“Tell me,” she says quietly.
“I was a sophomore at the time. I’d known Blair since … forever. We ran in the same circles, went to the same schools. Same as Tate.” I look at her again, my lips twisting. “She always liked me, but she started dating Tate. The girls had this bet on who could tame me, and Blair didn’t want any of her friends to get with me…”
An unamused chuckle leaves my lips as I shake my head. We were so fucking stupid back then.
“What happened?” she asks quietly.
“The first time she tried to fuck me, Tate found out and threw a fit. We were on the same team at the time,” I say.
Her eyes widen. “I didn’t know that.”
“He had a lot of reasons to hate me,” I admit. “His family lost a lot of money because of my father. I was better than him at everything. He finally got the girl he’d been in love with his entire life, and she wanted me.”
“That’s why he said you were only with me to get back at him,” she says. “What happened with Blair?”
“That night, we were at a party. I was leaving for hockey camp the next day. I guess she thought it would be a good time to finally get me to fuck her again.”
She tenses. “Again?”
“We’d hooked up a few times before she got with Tate,” I say.
She tenses again. “Oh.”
“I wasn’t always like this,” I say, amused at her reaction. “I’ve had girlfriends.”
This time, she tries to wiggle her fingers away from mine, but I hold on and bring our joint hands to my chest. It probably shouldn’t make me feel this good to know she might be jealous. I wait until she looks at me again before continuing.
“That night at that party, Blair came on strong. She usually did, but for some reason, that was the night I let her drag me tothe bathroom,” I say, feeling a hint of amusement when Josslyn tries to pull away again.
“After that, we got into a huge argument. She started drinking and getting belligerent. She kept saying she’d broken up with Tate to be with me. I finally snapped and told her I didn’t ask her to do that. I think I called her a slut.” I flinch, ashamed of the things I’d said. “It got heated quickly. Blair left, and I made my exit a few minutes later with Ella. Police were all over the bridge, so we knew whatever had happened was bad, but we didn’t find out until the following day. So, I guess Tate isn’t wrong to think what he does.”
“That wasn’t your fault,” she says. You were a teenage boy.”
“It was the last time I made that kind of teenage boy mistake.”
“You were a kid.”
“I was old enough to know better.”
She blinks. “No, you weren’t.”
“It doesn’t matter. None of it should’ve happened. Blair shouldn’t have died like that. I shouldn’t have said all of those things to her. I shouldn’t have gone to that bathroom with her.”
“What happened after?” she asks. “Tate blames you, but there’s no mention of you in the two articles and blog post I found. There’s barely any information about it at all.”
My smile feels forced. “I’m a Barlow, remember?”
This time, when she pulls her hand away, I let her. She sits back and looks at the floor. I do the same. That accident was the real reason Tate’s family was ousted. After Blair died, he wouldn’t stop attacking me publicly. He only had himself to blame for the downfall. Even after he was told to shut up, he kept going, and eventually it caught up to him. You can’t go for the king’s throat and expect to keep your own.
“Do you blame yourself for it?” she asks quietly.
