He looks at me for a long moment, waiting until I finish parking the car at the course to meet his eyes before he continues, “I spent three years without her, which wasn’t either of our faults, but those were the most miserable three years of my fucking life.”
“As heartwarming as all of that is,” I say after a moment. “And it is. You two are perfect together,” I add seriously. “I don’t understand what this has to do with me.”
“I’ve never seen you with a girlfriend. I’ve heard rumors about how you operate.” Lach shrugs. “Like Liam said, Joss is family. She’s like a little sister to us. I’ve never seen her look at anyone the way she looked at you at the fundraiser ... and I guess I see a lot of myself in you. I don’t want you to fuck up your chance at the best thing you might ever have.” He unlocks his door. “All right. Let’s go golfing.”
With those words, we get out of the car. I spend the rest of the morning getting to know my teammates. We golf, eat, drink, and talk shit, but Joss is never far from my mind. I loathe it, so decide it’s time I start thinking about finding a palate cleanser. I own a goddamn sex club, for fuck’s sake. With that in mind, I text my cousin to see if he’ll be there tomorrow night.
32
JOSSLYN
“So, what’s going on with you and Finn?” my mother asks, as she fries the croquetas I’ve been salivating over for months now.
My hands pause on the green plantain I’m peeling. “Nothing.”
“Didn’t look likenothingthe other night,” she says, and even though her back is facing me, I hear the smile in her voice.
“Whatever you think you saw was just an act.” I swallow and focus on the plantain.
What am I supposed to say? That we’ve slept together twice now—which is more than he allegedly does with anyone else. My heart skips when I think about that, the flowers, and the way he gets all growly and possessive when other men show too much interest in me. All of those things combined would mean something, if he were someone else.
Maybe they do mean something, but I can’t afford to get my hopes up. Even if he wanted more from me, I couldn’t give it to him. Not with the Titus and Mallory thing hanging over our heads. He hasn’t brought it up to me again, but I’m reminded of it every time I scroll through my pictures and find the footage. That’s themain reason I’m going to meet with Mallory’s friends at Onyx. Not only because I want to prove him wrong, but because the more I look at the footage and think about that night, the less sure I am about it being an accident like they claimed.
Shortly after it happened, when the cloud of sadness and anger lifted, I started asking questions. Why did only that part of the club catch fire? How did it even start? Why hadn’t she fled? Why hadn’t someone pulled her out of there? Surely, she wasn’t by herself. Iknewshe wasn’t. But who was she with? Someone horrible. It was the only explanation. Even if it had been an accident, they left her there to die.Weleft her there to die.
My chest tightens at the thought. I’m a professional compartmentalizer. It’s the only way I know to survive the pain of losing a loved one. It’s the only way I’ve been able to deal with what happened with Mal. I grieved and buried all of the negative things I’ve associated with that place and Mal. I’ve held onto the memory of the girl I became friends with—the one who was slow to trust and the life of the party. I was at a good place before Finn barged into my life with this mess, making me second-guess everything and think about that night.
A shiver rolls through me, as flashes of memories appear in my mind—the loud music during the car ride, the cute guy flirting with Livie, the way Mal smiled over her shoulder as she walked down that hall… that smile haunts me the most. I push it back into the box I’ve created for her, the one that sits on the shelf next to my father’s.Don’t think about it right now. The blunt end of the knife scrapes against my finger, snapping me out of my thoughts.
“The way he looks at you isn’t an act. Not only that night, but when he was here as well,” Mom says, eyes sparkling mischievously.
“Don’t get your hopes up. He’s not a relationship kind of guy.”
“Who?” Damian asks, making us jump at his unexpected arrival.
My face is hot, but I manage to say “no one” at the same time my mother says “Finn.”
Damian’s brows shoot up and he blinks hard as he walkstoward the fridge. His reaction makes my stomach turn. They went golfing together yesterday and had practice together this morning. I suppose he’ll hear things about Finn’s private life that I probably don’t want to know, if the face he made is any indication.
“How was golf?” Mom asks, and I sag in relief.
“It was nice.” Dame sorts through the assortment of protein shakes and picks the strawberry.
“Was it only the guys?” she asks, moving her pot from the fire and setting another one in its place.
“Some wives and girlfriends went,” he says, uncapping the protein shake and taking a huge gulp. He looks at me as he says, “Some singles.”
My stomach dips again. I focus on picking up the plantain peels and stand to throw them out. I hate jumping to conclusions, but Dame makes it hard. Mom picks up on it too.
“And? Did any of them catch your eye?” she asks.
“I didn’t really pay attention to them.” He drinks the rest of the shake and tosses the carton into the recycling bin.
“That’s new,” Mom says, going back to her cooking. “What about Finn?”
My heart slams hard in its cage. I start cutting up the plantains into chunks, hoping I can hear his answer through the pounding in my ears.
“What about him?” Dame picks up a toston and blows on it before popping the whole thing into his mouth and muffling, “Oof. It’s hot.”
