“Fuck you, Hammie. Don’t make a big deal out of it.” I shoot him a look.
“Don’t…” He laughs again, as he brings up his hand to start counting off, “You’re going as her to the fundraiser. You want to know personal details about her. And you’re moving into her apartment building…”
“Because they’re working on my apartment, and my dad happens to have a penthouse in her building,” I respond.
He snorts. “Don’t give me that shit. Your dad has a penthouse in every fucking building in the city.Youown other places you can stay at.”
“They’re being rented out,” I say.
He rolls his eyes, and I don’t know why I feel the need to explain myself, but I try.
“Maybe I want to keep a closer eye on her family. Sue me for trying to get to the bottom of what happened to Mal.”
“Finn,” he says, opening his eyes the way he does when he calls me out on my shit. “You’ve had an investigator trailing those people for over a year now, and nothing has come of it. I get why you’re looking into Titus, I really do. I don’t agree with it, but your theory makes sense,” he says, pausing to take a deep breath as he runs his fingers through his blond hair. “But fuck, man. What’s your excuse for following Josslyn? Youknowshe had nothing to do with it.”
“She was dating Tate. I haven’t ruled him out.”
He stares at me for a moment and laughs, shaking his head as he turns to start walking again. He mutters something under his breath about Tate being too much of a pussy to do anything like this and how I’m out of my mind. Maybe I am. I don’t know. I decided to move to that apartment building last night, and I’m not lying about people working on my place.
Sure, it’s only a cleaning company and a few plumbers changing the toilets—neither of which requires me to move—butI don’t like people in my space. And yeah, I could’ve moved into one of the places not currently being rented, but her apartment building is the closest building to the Owls’ arena. It’s not so far-fetched that I’d want to move there. A couple of guys on our team live there. Damian lives there. The more I think about it, the more justified I feel.
22
JOSSLYN
Icouldn’t sleep for a number of reasons—the main one being Finn. Last night, I was riding high, but then it all sank in and I realized that what happened in my room was probably a mistake. Each time I see him, my brain turns to mush and my body relies on senses that can’t be trusted. It wouldn’t be such a big deal if Mallory had not cast such a huge shadow over both of us. But the situation is so messy and Mal's secrets never stop, so even if I wanted to help him in this, there's no telling what she was doing leading up to that night.
For months after it happened, I was struck with guilt, wondering if I could have prevented what happened that night. By then, I’d had many talks with her and practically begged her to get help for her self-destructive behavior. I blamed myself for not contacting Finn or trying to get in touch with her parents. There’s no doubt in my mind that if I’d done that, my friendship with Mallory would have been over. Back then, it seemed like a high price to pay.
After it happened, I went back to Onyx and asked employees questions that still remain unanswered. When Titus found out what I was doing, he forced me to let it go, and I did. Not becauseI no longer cared, but because it was the only thing I could do for my own mental and emotional well-being. Maybe if Dad hadn’t died by suicide, I wouldn’t have been so triggered by what happened, but he did and I was. I swallow the knot in my throat and focus on my breathing exercise.There’s nothing I could have done differently.It wasn’t my fault.I repeat those things over and over until I sort of believe them again. I don’t think I ever will. I lie back down and let myself cry until I’m out of tears and my throat is hoarse.
Maybe Finn coming to me with this is a sign for me to face this trauma. Doing that would mean immersing myself in Mallory’s world, which would mean speaking tothosefriends … the ones she made me swear on my life I’d never mention to anyone … and I haven’t. I’m not sure I can even get in touch with them, but now that the idea is in my head, I know it’s not going anywhere. I rub my face over my hands and push the thought away for now. When I finally check my phone, I see a slew of notifications and texts.
Unsurprisingly, I see some notifications from Tate, who's been leaving comments frequently on each one of my posts. I don’t understand why, with the way people attack the hell out of him each time he does it, and today is no different.
Tate: photo cred
Gemma11: @Tate ARE YOU SERIOUS?
PantherP: @Tate GET OFF HER PAGE. YOU LOST ANY RIGHT TO SPEAK TO HER
CarlaM: @Tate YOU MESSED UP ASSHOLE
BlazeBunny: @Tate F. U. CHEATER !!!!
Gemma11: @PuttingQueen CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS GUY!?
PuttingQueen: @Tate you’re an idiot. Stop trying so hard. She doesn’t want you!!
I click on my private messages and find some from him as well. I stare at his name but don’t open the thread. He started sending them the night I saw the pictures and videos of him and Gracie together, which was also the night I called him and sent him to hell before blocking his number. Blame it on the usual sadness andhelplessness I feel today, but I finally unblock his number. Now that he’s back in town and I’m much calmer about the whole thing, it’s better that I deal with him.
Me: pls stop commenting on my posts. You’re making things worse.
His response is immediate.
Tate: can you please tell security to let me go up?
My heart drops.
