He scowled. “The truth.”
“I can’t give it to you until the semester is officially over.”
He shot me a look. “You’re joking.”
“I’m not.”
“Okay,” he said slowly. “What’s the story you tell everyone?”
“That I’m overwhelmed with grief.”
His brows hitched. “Are you?”
“I don’t feel anything at all,” I whispered.
I wanted to tack on:unless you’re around.I wouldn’t, but it was the absolute truth. I didn’t know what this feeling was, but it was better than nothing, and that terrified me.
CHAPTER8
LYLA
“Letit be known that the only reason I’m going is that I love you,” I said as Marissa applied eyeshadow.
She stopped and pulled back to shoot me a look. “I know, and let it be known that I will be watching you like a hawk.”
“I’ll be on my best, happy-go-lucky behavior.” I winked. She laughed, shaking her head.
Marissa’s birthday had always been a day of dress-up of sorts. For years, she’d do my makeup and dress me up however she wanted. She would make the perfect show mom to one of those beauty pageant children. I’d missed her last two birthdays since I couldn’t get out of bed, let alone interact with people. Marissa, being the best friend that she was, attended both parties for an hour and then came over to mope with me. She was sad, too, of course. When my mother died, she also felt like she’d lost a mother. When Luke died. . .God. I tried not to even think about it too much. Every time I did, I felt like throwing up. That year was such a blur that sometimes I could pretend none of it had happened until I thought about calling Mom. Or Luke. Each time, a fresh wave of grief would hit me, realizing they were both gone forever. Then, it hit me that they were both gone forever.
This year, I wouldn’t think about that. I’d go to my best friend’s party and have fun. That was the only thing she’d asked me on her birthday. I didn’t fight her on it. Was I ecstatic? No, but I would try my best not to be a Debbie Downer, for her sake. Banks would be there with some of the football team, and Prescott would make me feel safer.
“All done,” Marissa said, grinning when she stepped back to look at me. “Holy shit, Lyles. You look so fucking hot.”
I stood up and walked to her full-length mirror. I wore wide-leg jeans and a flutter-sleeve smocked crop top that only covered my breasts and tied in the back. I loved the top. It was cute and sexy and normally something I would no longer wear in public. My baggy clothes made me feel safe, but it was bullshit. I shouldn’t have to cover myself up because some men did not understand what “no” means. I wouldn’t have thought twice about this outfit if I knewhewouldn’t see me in it. This was who I’d become because of him. I hated him for it, but I hated myself even more for giving him this power over me. It wasn’t like he’d be at the party, but the fear remained. I took a deep breath. Fuck him. It was Marissa’s night.
I gave myself another once-over. Marissa had styled my hair in beachy waves that reached around my elbows. She’d created a beautiful braid that looked like a crown on the back of my head but left the shorter strands of my hair loose in the front. It was a version of myself I hadn’t seen in a long time. That was a lie, though. I’d dress however I wanted when I was far away from here, but I’d never be the trusting, careless person I’d once been. I shook that away and focused on tonight. The jeans had rips at the knees, left thigh, and just beneath my right ass cheek. They were so long that I’d either wear heels or fold them to wear sneakers. Marissa chose comfortable block heels that weren’t too high. I tested them out by running into the living room and back. Yep, I could wear them.
When we were completely ready, we stood next to each other in the mirror and smiled. Somehow, she’d managed to do the same thing to her hair and was wearing jeans and a crop top that read “Kiss me (if you’re cute). It’s my Birthday”. She looked amazing. She always did, though. Marissa was beautiful, of course, but what made her beauty shine was the confidence which she carried herself with. I loved it. I once had it myself. While it still existed, it was buried underneath an air of superiority that I didn’t feel. It was the only defense mechanism I had to keep people from wanting to talk to me. I’d once been social, still a little dry and sarcastic, but I’d been well-loved by my peers. The ones who knew me from high school completely understood the 180 I’d made. The rest of them probably thought I was a huge bitch, which was fine by me.
CHAPTER9
LYLA
My fingers tightenedon Marissa’s as we walked into the party. We’d pre-gamed at the house and were very fashionably late, which meant everyone had already been here a while. As we got here, I’d ditched my oversized sweater and tried not to feel too uneasy about it. At least it was dark in the house. It wasn’t like I cared what this specific crowd thought or whether or not they saw me. I just felt weird about being this exposed after hiding for so long. The party was legit. They had a DJ set up with a whole light show going on. A couple of girls from Marissa’s sorority walked up to us immediately, enveloping us in welcoming hugs.
“Let’s get a drink.” Marissa started pulling me toward the living room.
I wasn’t even fully in the room when I caught sight of Lachlan. Every time I saw him, he took my breath away, and this time was no different. He was reclined on the couch, his long, muscular arms sprawled across the backrest. A beer bottle hung from one hand as he spoke to Drew, who was to his right. Mandy Roberts sat to his left, pressing her tits into his left arm. When that didn’t get his attention, she set her hand on his left thigh. I blinked twice to make sure I wasn’t seeing things, but little by little, her hand was moving north, and she was indeed about to actually feel him up. Jealousy charged me like a lightning bolt — unexpected, fast, and hot. I’d heard people talk about jealousy, but I’d never experienced it. It was as bad as they’d described it, or worse.
I’d dated Luke for nearly three years, and one night, while we were high, I’d suggested an open relationship. Not because I didn’t love him, but because I wasn’tin love with him. Our parents had been playing matchmakers since third grade, and they were the only reason we even gave the relationship a shot. Staying together ended up being more convenient than breaking up, and explaining it to them would have been a pain, especially since Luke was the only boy my parents approved of me dating, so we maintained an open relationship. The first time I saw him with another girl at a party, I was slightly surprised but not upset or jealous.
Watching Lachlan with another woman felt like a punch in the gut. My fingers squeezed tighter on Marissa. It was the only way I’d kept the nonchalant look on my face. It was the only way for me not to concentrate on my ears, which felt like they were burning — or my heart, which felt like it was breaking. It was annoying and frustrating beyond belief. We weren’t a thing. For God's sake, we hadn’t even kissed, but this felt worse than any breakup I’d ever experienced. It was madness. Marissa tugged me along, and I was grateful because I was so angry that I could barely think, let alone walk. I hated every single second of that feeling. He wasn’t even paying attention to her, but Mandy kept going, now running her hand up and down his thigh.
I tore my eyes from the scene, so I wouldn’t see whether or not she was going to touch his dick over his jeans and faced forward, focusing on breathing. The DJ had set up his equipment right in the middle of our trek, so Marissa had to divert and lead me toward the couch. Like a prized horse in a race, I set up blinders so I would no longer see them. Unfortunately, mental blinders were a one-way thing. It wasn’t like it gave me the power of invisibility. My heart pounded harder as I walked by. I was focused on the back of Marissa’s head when a hand shot out and grabbed my wrist. I knew it was him based on the electric wave that shot through me. I hated that reaction. I wished my body would get with the program and stop feeling things he didn’t deserve for me to feel. I stopped walking and hooked a finger through the loop of Marissa’s jeans to stop her. She did, looked back, assessed the situation, glared at Lachlan, and gave me a tiny nod. It all happened in a fraction of a second. I let go of the hook, and she started talking to Drew. I looked at Lachlan, who was still holding my wrist.
I didn’t even say anything as I met his eyes. I just stared at him, even though inside, I was shaking. He let go of my wrist and took me in, his eyes heating each patch of skin he devoured. He bit his bottom lip as his hooded eyes explored me one more time. He shifted on the couch. My eyes swung from his to Mandy, who had put some distance between them but not much. Her hand was casually resting on his arm over the backrest like she was staking a claim on him. I fucking hated her right now. She smiled warmly at me and said hello, and somehow, despite my blind, irrational jealousy, I returned her greeting with a nod. She’d always been nice to me and wasn’t at fault here. Butterflies flapped when my gaze met Lachlan’s again, and I stomped on every single one.
“What?” I snapped, giving him the bitchiest look I could muster as if I couldn’t understand why he’d dared to touch me. And truly, I fucking didn’t.
