“He said he couldn’t talk to you,” I repeated, holding back a sob.
“Listen to me, Nora,” she said with an authority that made me fix my posture. “You’re going to walk up to him and hand him the phone right now.”
“Okay.” I stood up, nodding as I wiped my face as if she could see me.
I walked out of the bathroom and found Dom sitting in the same chair. His elbows were on his legs and his face was pressed into his hands. He wiped his face and looked at me. My hands were shaking out of control as I muted the phone.
“She’s really worried, Dom,” I whispered. “Like really worried. She wants to come over here, but I told her she can’t. I don’t even know where we are. She needs to talk to you and make sure you’re okay.”
He took the phone as I handed it to him. For a moment, he just stared at the screen. I held my breath, hoping he wouldn’t end the call. He took a breath, unmuted it, and set it against his ear. His defeated expression broke my fucking heart. I couldn’t bear it. I turned and headed to the door. Rosie would know what to say. As I was opening it, I heard him apologize to her over and over. I shut the door behind me and leaned against it, catching my breath and sniffling back tears. I wish I had it in me to ask more questions, but how could I, when it was so deeply ingrained in me that I should never question anyone in La Cosa Nostra?
I wasn’t even sure what would happen if I did. I’d lost track of how many grown men my father beat for asking a simple question. I loved these guys. They were my family, my home, and all I knew, but I was, but I was well aware that the way they treated me was not how they treated enemies. Whatever this was, it was big, and even though part of me wanted to know what happened, the smarter part of me wouldn’t let me ask past “Did someone die?” As I headed to my room, I passed Rocco’s and noticed his light was on, but I wouldn’t go there. There was no way I’d subject myself to his cold indifference again. I got into bed, brought my covers up to my chin, and crawled into the fetal position, wishing I could call my mom right now. I wasn’t sure how long I lay there, staring into the darkness before I fell asleep, but the sound of a door shutting jolted me awake. I turned over and sat up slowly as I watched Rocco emerge from our shared bathroom.
“Did something happen? Do I need to leave?” I asked, my voice hoarse from sleep, from crying.
He shook his head and stopped walking. The bathroom's light cast a sinister glow upon him, which should have terrified me. I didn’t move. He wasn’t close enough to touch, and I knew he put this distance between us for my benefit. Despite the space between us, I could practically feel him vibrating with something I couldn’t understand. It wasn't just lust; something else was here, something darker that he was holding back. On principle, I should have turned him away, but I knew I wouldn’t. My heart pounded hard. Fear and desire were so tightly entwined that I could barely distinguish one from the other. I knew bringing him to my bed and giving him the reins to unleash that darkness could be dangerous, but I wanted him.This, being with him like this, was the only thing in my life that I could control. Being with him was the only thing that gave me a bit of power and didn’t make me feel helpless. With a deep breath, I slowly lowered the covers and got out of bed, walking until our chests were almost touching.
He didn’t move, but I could feel how tense he was. His eyes were troubled, despondent. I lifted my hand and softly stroked his face, relishing the feel of his stubble grazing my skin. His body shuddered at my touch, and it took everything in me not to jump on him and wrap my legs around him. I knew he’d let me. I knew he’d do just about anything I asked him to do right now, and the only thing I wanted him to do was to let himself get lost in me. I dropped my hand and took both of his, pulling him toward my bed until he sat on the edge. I took my gaze from his to make sure the door was locked before I began to strip. It wasn’t a sensual strip tease. I didn’t even know if I was capable of that. I reached behind me and undid the knot of the bandana top, gathering it and tossing it aside. I unbuckled my shorts and let them slide down my legs, kicking them off. With my panties, I hesitated. Once I took them off, I’d be completely naked, and he was still wearing a black t-shirt and dark gray sweats.
His quiet, labored breaths gave me the courage to soldier on. I hooked my thumbs at the top and slid them down my legs. Since he was facing the light now, I could see the smolder in his eyes, the hard set in his jaw. He wasn’t my Rocco: the charming, grinning, flirty version of himself who chose happiness. I wasn’t sure what category to put him in right now, and as I stepped forward to straddle him, I decided it didn’t matter. I wanted all of his versions– his pain, anger, and laughs. I knew I couldn’t have him forever, but he was mine until I walked down the aisle. I set my knees on either side of him. His hands instantly moved to my waist as I set my arms on his shoulders and tipped his nose with mine so he’d look me in the eye. The intensity in them took my breath away.
“I want you to do whatever you want with me,” I whispered. He screwed his eyes shut, his grip tightening to the point of pain, but I didn’t move.
“Don’t say that to me right now.” His voice was low, hoarse.From screaming? From crying?It didn’t matter. His agony hit the pit of my stomach just the same.
“I mean it.” I rolled my hips on his erection and moaned from that alone. His eyes popped open, the blue blaze that promised to burn.
“Lenora.” His voice sounded pained as his hands traveled to my ass. “I can’t.”
“I want you to use me.” I leaned in and licked the tip of his nose as I ground my hips again. “Please. Ineed you to.”
“Fuck.” It was a harsh curse as he squeezed so hard that my body shot up with a gasp. A carnal need like I’d never seen consumed his eyes. It started a fire that licked at my core. “Do you think you can be quiet when I fuck you?”
I nodded quickly. I wasn’t exaggerating when I said I needed him to. Even if I’d been apprehensive, the moment his hands were on my body, I was lost to the feeling that consumed me each time he merely looked at me. Suddenly, I felt like if he didn’t get lost in me, in my body, I might die.
“Please.” I ground my hips one last time.
That was all it took. We clashed in a bruising kiss, a spar between our tongues, our teeth were knives puncturing each other’s lips. He was a ticking time bomb, radiating tension, desire, grief, and anger, and I wanted him to go off inside me. We weren’t alone in the house, but I didn’t care. Consequences didn’t exist in this moment. Just us. As I pulled his shirt off, he lifted and flipped me, so I was on my back and he was hovering over me. He only looked at me for a second before his lips were on my nipples, his teeth biting each one and then the rest of my skin as he made his way down my body. I gasped and writhed. He opened my legs wide. There was no teasing, no drawing it out.
He licked and ate me like a starved man, like it would be the last time he’d ever taste my pussy, and he needed to commit my taste to memory until the end of time. His teeth clamped on my mound as he slid a finger inside me, then another, and another. He drove into me roughly, each thrust of his fingers more and more maddening. I was so wet that I should have been embarrassed by the sounds that filled the room, but he consumed me and I didn’t care. It was pain and hunger, and my entire body hummed with pleasure as he brought me to orgasm, my hands covering my mouth to stifle my scream. He stood and wrapped his hand around his cock. He bit his lip and looked at me as he pumped up and down. I got on my elbows to watch him, waiting for him to get inside me. He didn’t. He continued the movement, pleasuring himself while winding me up. I brought a hand between my legs and began touching myself. He hissed, letting go of himself and dropping to his knees as he sank between my legs again. I gasped at the slow long lick from crack to clit. He continued until he pulled another orgasm out of me.
When he stood, he pinned me with a stare. “Not a sound.”
I covered my mouth with both hands again, my eyes widening as he yanked my legs, brought his hands to my ass, and pulled me up. He thrust into me fully, hard and deep. My body jerked at the rough intrusion, a sound escaping my lips before I could stop it. Rocco’s face was ecstasy and anger, a deadly combination. He grabbed a pillow and covered my face with it. A part of me panicked, but then he started to fuck me harder, rougher, while bringing his thumb to my clit, and I lost all thought. My muffled moans hit the pillow as he continued to pierce me deeply. When my lungs began losing oxygen, I began to thrash beneath him, tears spilling from my eyes. Suddenly, the pillow was off my face. I took in a loud gasp and then another, trying to fill my lungs with air. He slowed down and pulled out completely, letting my body down slowly on the bed.
“Flip.” He smacked the outside of my thigh. “I want you on all fours.”
I was slow to get up, my arms shaky from the ordeal. His hand came down on my thigh, another hard slap. I moved faster, getting on my hands and knees and looking over my shoulder. His smoldering eyes drank me in as he positioned himself between my legs. In a blink, he wrapped a hand around my hair and pulled it as he thrust inside in one go. He was so big and so deep that it felt like he was hitting my organs. He paused, his hand loosening on my hair as he let out a string of curses. He felt incredible despite his roughness, or maybe because of it. It was animalistic, raw, and completely different from how he’d been the other times. I welcomed it, pushing myself toward him and meeting his thrusts. My scalp burned at his tight grip on my hair. With his other hand, he slapped my ass as he began to move faster. With his hold on my hair, he pulled me toward him until my back was almost to his chest and slowed down his stroke.
“See what you signed up for, Principessa?” he asked harshly. “Do you still think this was a good idea?”
“Yes,” I whispered hoarsely. “Please don’t stop.”
A rumbled sound vibrated through him as he let go of my hair. He didn't let me adjust as I fell onto my hands; his hand came around and started rubbing my clit. My knees started to shake, and I was on the brink of another orgasm. He stopped rubbing abruptly, taking his hand away and slapping my ass hard. I screwed my eyes shut, my lower lip wobbling at the loss of contact. I suddenly hated that I couldn’t scream for him to put it back where it had been.
“Do not come,” he said roughly against my ear. “Don’t you dare fucking come before I tell you.”
I took a shaky breath and nodded, though I wasn’t sure I could keep that promise. I kept my eyes closed to concentrate on holding back when I felt a wet finger brush against my other hole. I stilled, my entire body clenching in refusal as he moved it in circles, pushing it in slowly as he continued to fuck me in slow strokes. I whimpered.
