“You’re right, but based on how you got up on the board, I think it’s safe to say you’re a newbie. You don’t have to impress me, prima. We’re not kids anymore.”
For the first time, I feel a sense of relief. She’s right. Why the hell do I need to impress her? She’s my cousin. Sure, I’ve been putting on this whole show of success for her, making it seem as if I’ve got everything figured out with my business, but it’s not just for her. It’s for Luciano, too. He’s the one who can secure my future. But maybe impressing them both doesn’t have to mean putting on a front all the time. Maybe I can just…have fun. What a thought.
I notice Valentina drift a little bit away from us. Almost as if she was trying to give us some privacy. I see her point to her boob, which confuses me at first, but then I realize she’s reminding me about the lock of hair in my bikini top. I shoo her away.
Sofia sighs. “Isa, I just want to say something.”
“What’s that?”
“I missed you so much. It was different when we were younger. We have led different lives. Our mothers have this unspoken feud. No matter how hard my mother tried, she couldn’t get into Mari’s good graces.”
“Yeah, I know,” I say.
The sound of the paddles hitting the water breaks the sudden silence between us.
“In hindsight, though, if I had known I wouldn’t see you again for so many years, I think things would have been different. I wouldn’t have let them govern our relationship too. It would have been different.”
“You really think so?”
Sofia nods.
“As I got older, I noticed myself wanting to know more about you and how you were doing. Like, did you end up going to college? Did you have a dream career? I can’t believe I wasn’t around when you had to come out to the family. That must have been so difficult to deal with on your own. It’s not like you had siblings to support you through it. I was supposed to be there, and I wasn’t. I mean, I just didn’t know.”
“Sofia, it’s fine. I grew up just fine, can’t you see?” I point to myself and grin. “Besides, I never actually came out to anyone. They just started to notice I was ‘different’ and never brought it up. It’s a touchy subject for my mother. She just kind of ignores it. It goes against her idea of perfectionism and success. She mentions wanting to see me with someone, which I guess I can appreciate, but she never specifies the gender. I just wish she’d say ‘with a woman.’ Sometimes I feel like she’s just hoping one day I’ll bring a man home and be able to continue our family line for my father’s memory.”
“Damn, Isa. That’s really serious stuff.” Sofia exhales. “I wish our mothers weren’t so petty and could resolve whatever stupid issue they have going on that’s caused all this separation. I’m so tired of acting like it’s some big family secret we’re not allowed to know about.”
“I know. I always try to pry with my mother, but she’s not budging.”
Dare I tell her about the journal? The lock of hair in my bikini top?
“Oh God, prima. I’ve been trying for years. My mother refuses to say anything too. All I know is that she’s hurt by something. I just have no idea what. Maybe it was something Tía Maritza did, but maybe it was something Mami did herself. Who fucking knows?”
“Well.” I pause.
“What? Do you know something else?” Sofia urges.
“No, no. Not yet. But that was kind of a goal of mine while I was here. To find out the truth. Get some closure. I don’t have the best relationship with my mother, so asking her has been completely impossible. But, I figured, maybe, just maybe, I could figure it out while I was here.”
Sofia stays quiet for a moment, thinking.
“I hope you do, prima. I miss you.” She smiles softly.
“I miss you too.”
“Can I be honest about something?” Sofia asks.
“Of course.” Even though it’s something I’ve been terrible at all week.
“I don’t have the best relationship with my mother either. Granted, it’s not at all like what you have to deal with, but she can be overbearing. I don’t know what happened between her and Mari, but it’s like a switch flipped in her head during our quince. She always wants to have nice things. Put on a certain facade to complete strangers. Make sure I have the most extravagant wedding. That we have the most expensive rings. The most expensive dress we could afford. It’s too much. Luciano and I—we’re not really like that.”
I nod slowly, taking it all in. I hear laughter in the distance, the sound of splashing water, and someone falling into the lake. I think about the wedding rings, and I’m so grateful Val found them again. Though I don’t recall getting a good look at them when she plucked them back out of the water.
“I remember her once saying, ‘I have to win, Sofia. I just have to,’ and I’m like, win what? Who are you competing against? So I grew up with the same mindset for a long time. Always needing the best things. The nicest designer stuff. When you bought me that Coach bag, I felt like me again. It was the first bag I ever got myself. Cheap by her standards, but it was so special. Your bag brought back a lot of memories for me.”
“I’m glad to hear it, Sof. I hoped it would be a good gift.”
I remember Valentina buying me the gift I couldn’t afford for my cousin and handing me the shopping bag. I’ll be eternally grateful. Something that probably cost nothing to Valentina meant the world to me and apparently, Sofia too. For a grump, she definitely has a soft side. I smile softly.
