Nimita flushed, unable to tear herself away.
“Yeah, so Naya and I are just…going to…” Reena flared her eyes at her as she took the baby and left the kitchen.
Nimita waited until Reena’s footsteps had reached the top of the stairs. “Sorry about that. Reena thinks—”
“It’s clear what Reena thinks.” He paused and met her eyes. “I’m only interested in what you think.”
Nimita couldn’t speak.
“That painting class—we painted a sunrise over the ocean,” he said softly, leaning back against the counter. “Even painting a sunrise, I needed you there. My heart ached the whole time. When I was with you, I could see my whole life. Without you…” He hung his head, looking at her from under lashes. “I messed up. I never should have said… I didn’t mean…” He shook his head. “I don’t deserve you.”
He didn’t deserve her? He had no idea.
“I haven’t told you everything.” She glanced at the ceiling. “Even Reena doesn’t know the whole truth.”
He lifted his head. “About?”
She inhaled, clutching the counter behind her.“There’s more to what…happened. When I left home.” She could already feel the burn behind her eyes.
He froze, his gaze on her, eyes warm.
She couldn’t do this. She could not say the words. She turned to grab Naya’s tray to wash. It would not come up from the high chair. It wasn’t that complicated. Why wouldn’t it come up?
She felt him behind her, just before his hands grabbed her hands from the tray. Strong and calloused, his hands covered hers, pulling them off the tray.
“You want to know why I left?” Her voice was small, ashamed. Somehow, she was suddenly bursting with the need to tell somebody. As horrible as it was, she needed to get it off her chest. And who was Roshan to her now anyway? They weren’t going to be together. What difference did it make if he knew how horrible she was?
Maybe if she told him, he’d stop looking at her so tenderly. She could barely stand it.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean. The reason I left was because I caused that accident.” She turned to face him, removing her hands from his. He did not step away from her. She could feel him breathing. Even and steady.
“What are you saying?”
“This is what I’m saying.” Nimita swallowed. Her heart felt like a stone in her chest.
Roshan simply stood there for a moment. Then he took her hand. He led her to the family room and sat her down on the sofa before moving a chair across from her. He sat down and their knees touched. It was strangely comforting.
He sat and waited, saying nothing until she was ready to speak.
Tears prickled her nose and burned the backs of her eyes. She had never spoken these words out loud. They were the star of her nightmares, the core of her guilt. She hung her head. “So, that day.”
“Yes.”
She glanced up at Roshan. His eyes were warm and kind. He was, at his core, kind. She flashed back to the coffee he had brought her, the scuba mask board, tending her father’s plants… He had not done these things for any other reason than they were kind.
Maybe she should have fought harder to keep him.
“My mom had asked me to go shopping with her in Edison, New Jersey. To pick out something for me to wear to Reena’s wedding. The fact that Reena wasn’t even engaged yet was a technicality to her.” Nimita smirked. Edison was basically the “Little India” of the northeast. “Anyway, it’s a whole day trip from Maryland. And I was excited. We went to a small boutique and tried on clothes and had a very nice time. I was enjoying myself with Mom. I hadn’t enjoyed myself with her in a long time. We decided to go to lunch at that paratha place.”
“The one behind that jeweler?”
“Yeah.”
“Sounds like a good day so far,” he said. His smile was warm and unassuming. She was about to ruin that.
“So we go, and we place our orders, and Mom is acting a bit weird. Constantly checking her phone. I just thought she was worried about Dad. I even said as much.” Nimita inhaled. “We sat down with our food, and no sooner had I taken a bite than a woman Mom’s ageand her sonapproach and sit down. He sat across from me, the auntie sat across from Mom. They all knew each other, and they all knew why they were there. Everyone, but me.”
