“You go ahead.” She waited while he gathered some ashes in his right hand.
She reached in after him, and then they both sprinkled the ashes into the water and watched as the blue-green ripples took them away.
He heard Riya sniffle and caught tears in her eyes. “You know, somehow Lucky always knew when I needed him. After we had those dog doors installed, he always came over when I was really sad. Did you know that?”
Dhillon was quiet. They both gathered more ash and released it into the gently moving bay.
“Dhillon, did you know that?” she repeated.
He sighed. “Lucky was always there for you, wasn’t he?”
She nodded, looked at her fingers. “He was. Especially after Samir died. I was freaking out in my house. You—” She stopped. “Well, I used to wait for you in Tommy’s tree house.”
“I never showed.” He stared out at the water as they sprinkled more ashes, returning Lucky to nature. The canoe rocked them in the calm waves.
“Nope.” Some remnant of the pain she’d felt from his rebuke still lingered in her. Her pain, his guilt for causing it, burned like acid in his stomach. “I assumed you were too busy for me.”
Dhillon reached into the bag and scattered more ashes. “I wasn’t too busy. I didn’t know how to be there for you. You seemed so strong, so capable at school, hanging with your friends, laughing.”
She tossed her hair back. “Ha! As if! I was a mess. I thought that if I acted like I was okay, I would be. But I needed my best friend, Dhillon.” Her voice cracked. “And you never showed.”
He knew he had no right to wipe the tears from her face, to touch her. He did it anyway, soothing away her tears with his clean hand, whispering, “I sent Lucky to you.”
She snapped her eyes to him. “You what?”
“Our rooms. We shared a wall. Sometimes I heard you crying. Or your parents yelling. I would tell Lucky to go find you—”
“And he always did,” she whispered, surprised. A small smile grew on her face.
“It’s not the same, I know.” Dhillon wanted to apologize for all of it, but his words weren’t enough, even to him.
“You sent Lucky. You thought about me.” She bit her bottom lip, still smiling. “You were there, the best you could be.” She shrugged. “We were just kids.”
He rested his gaze on her. “Yeah. But still, I am sorry.”
Silence settled in around them as they finished scattering Lucky’s ashes. Tears fell down Riya’s cheeks. Dhillon’s heart was heavy as he washed his hands clean in the cool bay and put his arms around her, pulling her close. She turned her head and snuggled closer to him.
“Having Lucky, it was comforting.”
Dhillon nodded.
“Thank you for that,” she whispered.
After a time, she sat back and took his hands in hers. They were smaller than his, but her grip was firm, determined.
“Dhillon, I love you. I cannot remember a time when I didn’t.” She paused, looked him in the eye. Her normally raspy voice took on an almost velvety quality as she spoke. “I’m a firefighter. It’s who I am.” She squeezed his hands. “One thing we both know is that life can be too short. I want to be with you. There’s no doubt in my mind that I’d rather be with you for whatever days, months, years I have left as opposed to not having you at all. That is how much I love you, Dhillon-V.” She paused, bringing his hands to her lips. She kissed them, her lips soft and plush, before meeting his eyes again, her face fierce. “If you don’t love me like that, then I want nothing to do with you. I can’t watch you move on with someone else. Either we’re together or we’re out of each other’s lives. This—” she waved a hand in the air between them “—is too hard. What we both deserve is someone who would rather be with us than not.”
She let go of his hands and started rowing. “I’m moving back to my apartment.”
Dhillon was speechless. This woman had a way of doing that to him, time and time again. Just when he thought he knew her, she surprised him again. He allowed himself a happy grin and a light heart as they paddled to shore.
They secured the canoe, and Riya headed for her bike.
“No.” Dhillon took her hand. “Come with me. My turn to drive.”
“Dhillon, did you not hear what I just said?”
“I did.” He squinted at her in the bright sunlight. “Please.”
