Sam considered asking him more directly about Divya, but decided to save it for later. He finished his second beer.
Ben swallowed and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. “I can’t believe you’re someone’s dad!”
“That makes two of us.” Sam settled back and enjoyed his beer while he caught Ben up on Samantha and whatever Niki hadn’t told him. Ben continued to work on both pizzas and got himself another beer.
“So, you’re pissed because Maya kept Samantha from you all these years?”
Sam was silent.
“So, what happened to Paige?”
“It wasn’t going to work out.”
“Yeah, I could see that. With Maya back in the picture, no other woman has a chance, huh, Sammy?”
“Maya is not back in the picture.”
Ben froze, the pizza slice halfway to his mouth. “Well, why the hell not? What is the matter with you?”
“Nothing is the matter with me. Did you not hear the part about how she never even told me she waspregnant with my child?” Sam hushed his voice and glanced down the hall to be sure he wasn’t overheard.
“I also heard about how your mom helped that along. Did it ever occur to you that you would’ve known about Samantha if you’d ever actually gone after Maya?”
“I went after her, Ben.” Sam closed his eyes and sighed heavily. “You know that.”
“One time, Sammy,” Ben snapped. “One time.”
Sam watched him go to the kitchen.Humph.Ben never snapped at him. “She said there was no point. She said she didn’t—” He rubbed his face with his hands. Sam really didn’t want to repeat it. Even after all these years. Even though he knew his mother put her up to it. Hecouldn’trepeat it.
“And you just let her go.” Ben gestured with his hands. “The love of your life.” His eyes darkened as he shook his head at his cousin and took his seat. “EvenIknew you bought her a ring after your second date, and you didn’t even fight for her.”
Sam looked up from his hands to glower at his cousin. “My mom wassick,and I went back to school. Things happen.”
“Not good enough! All these years, you knew where she was. Not once did you go to her.” Disappointment flowed from Ben’s eyes and voice. “Notonce!” As if that weren’t enough, Sam was treated to Ben’s best withering look. “Just as well you didn’t know about your daughter.”
Sam’s head pounded and his knuckles turned white from gripping the arm of the chair. Anyone else and Sam wouldn’t have bothered with restraint. His next words were a growl from the back of his throat. “What the fuck could youpossiblyknow about it?”
Ben stared him down. “What’s to know? You can be as mad as you want, just make sure some of that anger is focused toward yourself. You can’t lay it all on Maya.” Ben examined Sam more closely and raised his eyebrows. “You became so focused on becoming this hard-ass lawyer with the uptown girl and all the trimmings, I’m surprised you ever gave her another thought. So if you didn’t know about your daughter, maybe it was for the best.”
Sam continued to fume as he considered Ben’s words. The truth was that it had been easier to get lost in school and work and moving forward than to think about Maya and what he had lost. Everything he had done was so he didn’t have to think about her.
But he always had, anyway.
“Listen, Sammy.” Ben’s voice softened. “You’re the best older brother, which is why I thought that one day you would go and find her, and...” He fidgeted with his bottle.
“Andwhat?”
“I know it sounds silly, but I was just a little kid. I always thought that at some point, you would man up and fight for her... I thought you’d bring her backhome.”
Sam was silenced and loosened his grip on the seat.Home. That was exactly how he had thought of Maya. When he was with her, he was home. Ben lay down on the sofa and closed his eyes. The only sound was the quiet murmurings of the ESPN announcer.
Sam gulped down the last of his beer. “She’s seeing someone.” The words needed to be pushed out of his mouth. They hung like a weight in the air.
“What does that mean?” Ben asked without turning or opening his eyes.
“It means she went on a few dates with the same guy.” Sam sighed deeply. “He shows up every other day at her coffee shop, and she’s out with him now, and Samantha’s sleeping over here, so...” The thought of Mayawithsome other guy burned him. Nauseated him. Actually, it made him want to punch something. All these years, whenever he thought about her, and on some level, he always did, he never thought of her in terms of being with someone else. She was alwayshis. He picked at the label on the bottle. He was alwayshers. “What if I’m too late?”
Ben groaned as he sat up to face Sam. “Oh, yeah.” He held out both hands, palms up. He looked at one. “Father of her child, madly in love with her.” He brought it down as if it was heavy with weight. He looked at the other hand. “Went on a few dates with some random guy.” He raised his eyebrows and tightened his lips. “Yeah, you’re right. No competition.” He shook his head in frustration and started to lie back down. “Just let her go again. You can’t win that fight.”
