Samantha covered herself with a blanket. Sam sipped the bourbon. It warmed him. “Haven’t you ever been away from her?”
“Not at Christmas.”
“What do you usually do?”
Even though it was dark, Sam could tell his daughter was grinning. “Well, Sejal-masiand their family usually come up and we open presents first thing Christmas morning. Then Mom and I go to church while they cook brunch.”
“Mom takes you to church?” Sam could not hide the surprise in his voice. A lightness filled him. There was only one reason for Maya to have done that all these years. He smiled to himself. But why should that be a source of happiness for him? He forced the grin away, but the lightness remained.
“Well, yeah. I figured out years ago, it had something to do with my dad—you. I just never got her to admit it. She andNaniused to argue about it sometimes.Nanithought it wasn’t necessary.”
He couldn’t believe it. And he certainly couldn’t let himself think too deeply about what it might mean. He was engaged, for God’s sake.
“Tell me how you and Mom met.” Samantha interrupted his thoughts.
“Oh, I don’t think we should talk about all that.”
“Please! She never tells me anything.”
He was already starting to unravel. Thoughts of Maya interrupted his day and his night; he waffled between excitement when he was going to see her and anger at her for keeping Samantha from him all this time. Talking about their past had the potential to undo him.
In the dim light, Samantha widened her eyes in a plea, and Sam caught a glimpse of his brother in her smile. It gripped his heart and for just that second, Sam had proof that his brother had actually existed and was still with them in some form. Sam melted. If going down this road would undo him, then he would be undone. He swallowed a large sip of bourbon, relishing the burn as it made its way down.
“You know, she didn’t like me very much when we first met. She wouldn’t even talk to me unless she had to. But the first thing I remember about her was how beautiful—”
“What’s going on here?” Hema turned on a light, making Sam and Samantha squint in the sudden brightness. “Is it the Can’t-Sleep-Midnight-Crew?” Her hand flew to cover her mouth as if she had revealed a longtime family secret. Which she kind of had.
Sam’s heart stopped. The Can’t-Sleep-Midnight-Crew was what his mother used to call him and Arjun when she would catch them stealing midnight snacks. That she had referred to her dead son was nothing short of a Christmas miracle.
“What’s the Can’t-Sleep-Midnight-Crew?” Samantha’s grin widened, and she scooted closer to Sam to make room for her grandmother on the sofa. She was all over that forbidden middle cushion, but his mother did not say a thing.
Sam’s mother remained frozen in her spot, her eyes glazed over. “Mom?” Sam sat straight up. “Mom? Are you okay?” He started to stand.
“Oh my.” His mother shook her head and motioned for Sam to stay seated. “I’m sorry, I don’t know what came over me. I haven’t used that phrase since...since...” She scanned the room as if it was written somewhere how long it had been.
“It’s okay, Mom. Here, sit next to Samantha.” Sam spoke slowly, his gaze on her face.
“Oh, of course, Samantha.” His mother smiled, as if seeing her granddaughter in the room for the first time. She sat down next to her grandchild.
Samantha looked to Sam for an explanation. He gave a quick shake of his head, indicating that she should drop it.
“The Can’t-Sleep-Midnight-Crew is what I used to call your father and his...his brother, whenever I caught them sneaking ice cream and junk food in the middle of the night.” His mother placed her hand on top of Samantha’s as if she could gain strength from it.
This time it was Sam who couldn’t speak. His mother continued, slowly at first, but with more ease as Samantha showed genuine interest in her father’s youth, as well as in Arjun, the uncle she’d never meet. Samantha clasped her grandmother’s hand in her own and never relaxed her grip.
Sam remained quiet as his mother conversed with his daughter. At times, the older woman’s eyes filled with tears, but somehow, his daughter knew what to say and how to say it.
“You know, not a day goes by, even after all these years, that I do not think of my Arjun.” Her voice trembled, but she composed herself. “But I see him in you, Samantha. And I feel like I have a part of him back.”
Tears burned in Sam’s eyes, and for the first time in a long time, he did not feel as though he was competing with his brother. A lightness fell over him, the likes of which he hadn’t experienced in a long time.
“It’s a terrible thing to lose a child.”
“And to lose a dad.”
“What do you mean? You have your father, now.” She looked at her hands for a moment.
“I’m talking about my mom.” She looked her grandmother in the eye. “My mom’s father chose to leave them—she doesn’t even know if he’s alive or not. At least you know that Arjun-kaka loved you, and it wasn’t his choice to leave.”
