Her intensity heated the next page as she concentrated on decorating her first custom cake. Her innocence grabbed him as she lit the traditionaldiyafor Diwali, completely attired in her traditional Indian clothes. He smiled at the little girl and reached out to touch her face. But it was just a picture.
In the next album, Samantha was twelve and all dressed up in her first high heels, curly hair tamed and cascading around her face. Her skin had taken on a creamier hue that closely matched his skin tone. A man Sam didn’t recognize stood next to her. He wore a suit and tie and upon closer inspection, Sam noticed a flower corsage on his daughter’s wrist. He turned to Maya for explanation.
“Oh, that’s Ajay. Ami’s husband?” She avoided his eyes as she mumbled. “Father-daughter dance.”
Sam’s throat tightened, and he needed to loosen his tie even as he glared at Maya before he roughly tossed aside that album for the next.
Now she was thirteen and dressed for an Indian wedding. He could see traces of the young woman she would become. Tears burned behind his eyes as he continued to turn pages. More school awards, higher-level soccer, parties and everyday things. Things he hadn’t been allowed to share. Or even know about.
“Sam?” Maya’s face filled with apprehension. “Sam, are you okay?”
Sam turned toward Maya, nostrils flaring; one tear escaped. He raised a trembling finger to catch it. “No, Maya. How could I possibly be okay?”
Maya looked confused. “I thought you might want to see her growing up.”
Sam stood and turned on Maya. “Thisis watching her grow up?” His heart pounded, heat rose up in waves. “These are pictures, Maya. Moments. Frozen in time.” He raised his voice, the injustice of having his own child kept from him finally given release. “This is all I get. Pictures.”
“I wanted to tell you so many times. I picked up the phone countless times over the years. I wrote emails I never sent. The more time that passed, the harder it became. What could I possibly say to you that wouldn’t result in you looking at me the way you are now?” She lifted her chin, almost defiant. Almost, but not quite. “I knew I couldn’t keep her from you indefinitely. She’s too smart, too curious. I figured eventually, she would do what I didn’t have the courage to do.” Her voice was soft, resigned.
“You should have.” He growled at her.
“There are a lot of things I should have done.”
The pain on her face softened him for a moment. Unbidden, he was assaulted by memories of the last time he kissed her. It was almost sixteen years ago, but he could still feel the sun on his skin and smell the water from the lake. She had had tears in her eyes. And then it hit him. “That day, at the lake. You knew you were pregnant.” Sam narrowed his eyes at her, his heart pounding, grim realization beginning to set in. “You didn’t say anything, but when I proposed to you, you ran.”
“Thatwas a proposal?” Maya’s defiance turned angry. She stood and leaned toward him, her voice low and dangerous. “You presented me with thatcoin.” A tremor shook her words. “And said—” she paused and steadied her voice “—you said, ‘heads, we get married, tails, we break up.’” She spit his words back at him with venom. “How was I supposed to agree to that?” She backed away from him, her breath heavy. “I was pregnant.” Her lips trembled.
“Which I did not know.” Sam moved in closer to her, his voice harsh.
“How was I supposed to tell you?” Maya’s voice caught. “Only minutes before, you were cozying up to Bridget. And you wouldn’t tell me why! I thought she was always going to be around!”
“Bridget? Are you serious? She waslying! In any case, how could younottell me?” He nearly vibrated with agitation, and he was unmoved by the tears in her eyes. “Damn it, Maya! You hadour childwithout me—without eventellingme.”
“You were too immature to handle it.” Maya stood firm.
“You never even gave me a chance!”
“Your ‘proposal’ told me I didn’t need to!”
Sam watched as she swallowed her tears, even as he pushed back against the burn behind his own eyes. “I came back for you, two days later—” He couldn’t even finish, he clenched his jaw and ran an angry hand through his hair. He hadn’t let himself rememberthatday in almost sixteen years.
“I remember.” She avoided his eyes, lowering her head.
Sam stared at her, anguish filling his belly. He leaned close enough for the tears on her lashes to stir something inside him. He ignored it as he all but hissed through gritted teeth. “Are you telling me that you kept Samantha from me all these years because ofhow I proposed to you?” His heart, his stomach, wrenched at this knowledge.Who was this woman whom he loved, but did not know at all?He couldn’t breathe.
Maya gaped back at him. She tried to speak.
“No!” His voice boomed as he stepped back from her. He held his hands up in front of him. “Don’t bother.” He snatched up his coats and gloves, slipped on his shoes. “You didn’t even give me a chance.” Tears continued to burn behind his eyes. “You were supposed to have faith in me.We belonged to each other.” He grabbed her hand and pushed an object into it. “Remember?”
He turned on his heel and thundered down the steps just as his phone dinged. It was probably the text from Paige telling him where to meet her. He ignored it as thoughts of the photos and the lifetime he had missed filled his head, and he stalked out into the biting cold.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
MAYA
New York, 2012
MAYASTOODMOTIONLESSin her apartment and listened to Sam’s thundering footsteps as he stormed off. When the bottom door slammed, she brought her attention to the object in her hand. She knew what it was the instant he put it there. She just didn’t know why. She held it up to the light. The coin was old, tinged slightly green. She turned it this way and that.
