Halfway through breakfast, Jay appears in the doorway of the kitchen, casually leaning against the door jam, taking in the chaos. His eyes find mine across the room, and he tilts his head, motioning for me to join him in the hallway. The universal signal for‘we need to talk’.
My stomach drops slightly. I glance down at the boy and then look at Mei. “I need to go talk to Jay. Will you stay here with Mei?”
His eyes turn to me, a slight sense of panic present in them. Taking a gulp, he looks to Mei, then back to me, before nodding slowly, but his eyes follow me as I stand and move away from the table. The look of fear of abandonment, so painful that I nearly sat back down. But I can’t.
“I’ll be right back,” I stop and sign to him. “I promise.”
Mei stands and moves around the table, taking the seat that I’d previously occupied. Placing her hand over his, distracting him.I slip away before he can protest or give me another look that tears at my heart.
Jay’s office is at the far end of the downstairs hallway, a small, overcrowded room with filing cabinets, a nearly ancient desk, and shelves overflowing with books about childhood development and trauma therapies. I have read them all, trying to gain a glimmer of insight or understanding into my own broken life as well as those of the children we care for.
I close the door behind me, leaning against the thin wood, watching as Jay flips through a file on his desk. “What’s up? Did you find anything?”
“Nothing,” he says in obvious frustration, pulling his glasses off and rubbing at his eyes. “That’s the problem. Someone should be looking for this kid, but I’ve found nothing. Not a God damn thing. I’ve checked the missing children reports for multiple counties and contacted social services to see if they have had any runaways reported that match his description. Nobody’s reported a missing boy that matches. No amber alerts, nothing.”
“But that’s good, right? Doesn’t that mean whoever hurt him isn’t looking for him yet?”
Jay looks at me with that look, the all-knowing one that says his instincts say otherwise.
“Or it means that whoever hurt him doesn’t want to involve the authorities.” He closes the folder and sets it aside. “You know aswell as I do that if that’s the case, his presence here could very well put everyone else in grave danger.”
I did, but I had chosen to ignore that fact. Growing up in Delan’s house had taught me that while most monsters don’t fear the police, they aren’t eager to have them in their business either.
“If that’s the case, it’s even more important than ever to hide him.”
“Chloe,” Jay’s voice is chastising, “it’s been three days. You can’t continue to keep him here without filing a report on him. We’re out of time.”
“Jay, you can’t! He’s terrified,” I push off the door and start pacing in the small space. “If your theory is right and whoever he is so afraid of is someone outside of the confines of the system, then a report will simply tell them exactly where to find him. What if he is like I was? What if whoever is looking for him is as depraved and evil as my father is? You know what would have happened to me if you’d reported it when you found me. I’d be dead, and I probably wouldn’t be the only one.”
Jay is quiet for a long moment, considering my words. His expression softens as he resumes speaking. “That was different. You were sixteen, old enough to make a reasonable decision about your situation. He is nine. We can’t just keep him.”
“Yes, we can, Jay. We can keep himsafe. He’s nine and traumatized. I’ve barely gotten him to settle in and begin to feelas if he may be safe here. We can’t take that away from him,” I plead with him, desperation seeping into my tone.
“Chloe,” his voice is firmer now, “we cannot keep him indefinitely. If anyone were to find out, we’d be shut down and probably put in jail on kidnapping charges. Then what would happen to our other wards? You have to think about this rationally.”
The weight of reality settles over my shoulders.Dammit, he’s right.But the thought of handing him over to anyone else, of watching what fragile trust I’d earned from him shatter —
“A few more days. Give me a few more days, Jay. Maybe I can get him to tell me something useful. Something to help us figure out where he came from.”
“Chloe–”
“Please, Jay.”
He studies me for a long time, and I see the exact moment that it dawns on him how deeply I’ve already bonded to this child. His expression changes instantly from frustrated to worried.
“Chloe, do not get attached to this one.”
I stop pacing and face him, my face falling as the next words spill out, unprompted and quiet. “He reminds me of me.”
“I know,” he says hastily. “That’s what worries me.”
“When I showed up, you gave me time to feel safe. That’s how you found out about my past and what I was running from. You gave me time to trust you.”
“That was different —”
“How?” I demand. “How was it different? Because I was older and was able to articulate what I was running from? He can’t do that, Jay; he’s a child, scared, traumatized, and hiding from ‘the monster’in every way that his brain can think of. He needs time.”
Jay sighs, leaning back in his chair. Rubbing a hand down his face, the leather creaks as he moves. “You know, you called your father a‘monster’too. It took you six months before you could even tell me his name. My gut tells me we don’t have six months for him to reveal his monster to us. I understand why you want to protect him, but Chloe, you have to be realistic. It’s always been a risk with you here. But having two of you here with potentially dangerous people after you — it’s simply too risky. Even if your own father came knocking on our door, we wouldn’t be able to protect the others.”
