I grind my teeth so hard that I hear the sound in my skull. “I was never planning on derailing her, Kovacs.”
“You can’t blame me for not assuming you’re the exception,” he snaps. “So…”
“I’d never hurt her,” I tell him, glaring at the floor. “I’d never even think about it. She’s… she’s magic, Kovacs. We had one night,one night, and I’m…” Not the same, never the same. “And now we have a kid, a little person I…” Love more than I ever knew I could. “No, I’m not going tohurther. Fuck.”
“Then I’ll text you,” he says, hanging up without another word.
I stuff my phone in my pocket. She’s standing in the hallway when I turn, just outside the open door, chest heaving, hair a mess, but she’s never been more beautiful.
“I needed to say something,” she says.
When I approach, raising my hands to touch her –possess her?– she raises hers. “Rafe, please.”
Thepleasealmost breaks me. It’s like she’s begging because she knows, if we touch, we won’t be able to stop. We’ll ignite.
I stop and put my hands behind my back. That’s the only way to make sure I don’t touch her.
“Tell me,” I say.
She wrings her hands together, making it even more difficult not to touch her… to comfort her.
“It’s okay,” I whisper. “Whatever it is.”
“What Dad said in there. He can be, you know, old-fashioned. I’m not planning on moving that fast.”
I swallow. “That’s smart.” My voice comes out husky.
“You had to know I’d feel this way, surely. I’ve been alone for a year. It’s been, what, aweek?”
I clear my throat. “I said that’s smart, Ava. It’s okay.”
She chews her lip, then lets it go, her eyes full of concern. “You don’t seem okay.”
“I meant it,” I tell her gently. “Every word. It would take some time, but I could transfer my businesses. I could make a life for our family.”
“You said you don’t hurt people,” she murmurs.
“Not people who don’t deserve it,” I grunt. “But when someone goes after a civilian, when someone kills one of our men…” I shake my head. “Rules change, angel.”
“But apart from that.” She rolls her eyes at me, as if she can’t take how surreal this is. “Your day-to-day?”
“I make my money because people are twisted fucks. I stop them from doing what they were doing and make a buck off it.” I’mspeaking too freely, but it’s difficult not to with her. “And there are the men too. Their families. I protect them. Like my father… like he couldn’t protect my mother.”
She crosses the distance and puts her hand on my arm. “Rafe?”
“It’s nothing. I shouldn’t have said that.”
“Your mother is nothing?” she says softly.
“No. God no.” I grind my teeth. “Fuck, Ava.”
“It’s okay,” she murmurs, rubbing my arm. “Whatever it is.”
I smile sadly. “Something like this happened before, a war broke out. Back then, my father was the Don. He fled the country without even telling my mother or me. I was just a little kid when they found us. They stormed into our house and… well, you know what men like that do. I saw it.”
“Oh, Rafe.”
“It’s fine,” I grunt, pushing the memories down. “But I saw it. And I ran like a coward.”
