Well, no. I didn’t think someone would. But I wasn’tsure. So the guards went up. Along with the unscalable security fence, over a hundred exterior cameras, an array of detectors—explosive vapor, metal, motion, even drone—and an anti-ram barricade around the back of the building.
“Fox & Falcon is a security company,” I reminded Jester in response. “It wouldn’t be a great look if someone broke into HQ, would it?”
And no one has. So I’ll take that as a win.
“Welcome to Fox & Falcon,” I tell Sofia. “It’s not much?—”
“And the whole building is yours?” Sofia interrupts. “Not just one floor? But all of it?”
“Yes, the entire building.” I follow her gaze up to the rooftop deck, also surrounded by reinforced, scale-proof fencing. “I didn’t really want to do the deck—I think it’s a security risk. But Jester wouldn’t stop hassling me about it. He said we needed a place to hang out when the weather is nice.”
“It looks like a good place to hang out,” she agrees. “I could imagine going up there in the summer, enjoying the breeze, maybe sneaking a little grill up there…”
All at once, I wish it were summer already so I could take Sofia to the deck. Use the grill we have stashed up there—it’s electric, which isn’t as nice as propane or charcoal, but in New York the rules about grilling on roofs is pretty restrictive. Sit out there while we watch the sun go down, talking about completely normal things like plans for the weekend, how the Yankees are playing, and the newest movies on streaming.
Will it ever happen? Unlikely.
Over the last few days, things have gotten better between me and Sofia. The awkward silences have shifted into more comfortable ones. We share meals. Work on puzzles together. And last night, Sofia actually joined me in the living room towatch a movie, rather than spending the rest of the evening alone in her room.
So those are all good things. They’re signs that Sofia might be forgiving me just a little. But forgiving me enough to actually spend time with me once her attackers are caught? Once it’s safe for her to return to her old life?
I doubt it. But shit, I wish she would.
Having Sofia back—not back as my girlfriend, but back in my life, just the same—feels like something big and important was returned to me. Like there was a piece of me that was missing, but I got so used to it not being there, I forgot how it felt to be whole.
I hate my father for that.
I hate what he did.
I don’t think I’ll ever forgive him.
I’m not sure I’ll ever forgive myself.
Every night since I discovered the truth, I’ve laid in bed for hours, rehashing everything. I’ve cursed my weakness. My blind belief in what my dad said, even when my gut wanted to resist it. I’ve wished countless times that I’d just tried harder—to look into her case, to track her down in Albany, to press my father for more information.
I wish I’d done so many things differently.
Knight says it’s not my fault. That I was eighteen, barely a man, and I can’t be blamed for believing my father. But in my mind, it’s all my fault. If not for me, Sofia wouldn’t have gone to jail. She wouldn’t have been kicked out of school. She wouldn’t have been chased out of the city. And in a crushing admission yesterday, Sofia told me she couldn’t join the FBI because she failed her background check.
“They can look into sealed records,” she told me. “And even if they hadn’t, all they had to do was talk to anyone from highschool. The FBI doesn’t want agents with criminal records. Even if the charges were dropped.”
I still feel sick thinking about it. Her dream was to be in the FBI. And because of her relationship with me, it was ruined.
So, no, I don’t think she’ll ever forgive me, no matter how much I want her to.
Our driver takes a left, down the alley that cuts between the Fox & Falcon building and the law offices next to it. I watch Sofia carefully as we head down it, hoping the sight of the alley won’t trigger her. She still doesn’t have her memory back, although she keeps saying it feels close. “Like it’s trapped in a balloon,” she described, “and I can’t quite poke through the rubber.”
While I want Sofia to regain her memory, I’d rather it not be triggered by this. I considered taking her in through the front instead, but the side entrance is safer. This way, we won’t have to deal with the crowds of people thronging the sidewalks of Midtown on a weekday morning.
Thankfully, Sofia seems fine. She keeps looking at the building with interest, but doesn’t appear to be triggered at all. Once the driver—Kurt, one of the guys on the F & F staff, since I would never trust some random driver with Sofia’s safety—pulls to a stop by the side entrance, Sofia turns to me. “This is really impressive, Nico. When I imagined your offices, I didn’t picture you owning an entire building.”
“Hang on,” I tell her when she’s about to open the car door herself. “I’ll come around for you.”
I nod at Kurt, and he hops out of the car along with me. Not that I don’t think I’m capable of protecting Sofia myself, but my motto is,Better safe than sorry.
He gives me cover as I help Sofia out of the car, then watches while I hurry her inside. I texted Knight on the way over, so he’s already waiting by the entrance for us to arrive. He buzzes us in, and as Sofia and I walk into the building, I say, “I didn’t own it atfirst. I leased it for the first two years. Once the finances allowed, then I bought it.”
Knight lifts his hand in greeting as he approaches. “Hey, Sofia. How’s it going?”
