“You should go… in case this goes off randomly or something,” Jesse says.
“Nah, I’m good right here,” I say as I sit down near him. “Let it blow me up, and all of my fucking problems will just go away.”
“Yeah? They might… but Gabriel’s won’t.”
And isn’t that the truth.
TWENTY-NINE
Liam
I’ve stood outside the room that Gabriel is in for over two hours. I don’t know what I’m waiting for or what I’m doing here when I’ve already made up my mind on what I need to do.
Around ten, the nurses stop visiting his room, letting him sleep… at least until the next round of checks start up, which I want to do my best to avoid.
Only then do I glance into his room and find my sweet Gabriel fast asleep. He looks pale, and seeing him wrapped in those white hospital blankets is ripping me apart. I want to pull him away from this place. Make him better.
But then I remember that I’m the reason he’s here.
And I know those thoughts will never leave me.
My hands are shaking while I tuck the plush cat I’d bought him under his arm, the same arm that holds Lucy Fur against his face every night as he spoons her and leaves me off on my side of the bed with Margarine.
That pain is back in my chest, and I don’t know what to do with it. I don’t know how to get rid of it. It hurts, and there’sabsolutely nothing I can do to stop it. I kneel down by his bed and bow my head until it’s pressed against his blankets. I let my finger gently run up his arm, needing to touch him, but I’m afraid any more will wake him.
“Goodbye, Gabriel,” I whisper. “I will always love you more than you’ll ever know. You’ll always be the most special person in my heart. Thank you for showing me what it means to love.”
Forcing myself to my feet is the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but I walk through that door and out into the night. I drive home and leave Gabriel a letter on the table. I gather what I need, knowing that I can buy the rest later.
But I take the watch he got me, my album of fingerprints, and a photograph of the two of us.
I want to take more. I want to take everything in the house that makes me think of him, but I know that I can’t. Instead, I will take every memory we made in this house. And I will remind myself again and again that he is safer without me. Without me, he can have a better life. He can find a normal man and start a family. He can have everything that someone as precious and perfect as him deserves.
Because he’s the greatest man in the world. And I would do absolutely anything for him… even if that means removing myself from his life.
When I reach the door, I hear a raspy meow as Margarine trots after me.
“No, I don’t want you,” I growl.
He rubs against my leg, and I glower down at him. “Gabriel loves you way more than I do. Why the fuck don’t you see that? Why do you insist on only liking me?”
Lucy Fur is watching me from the doorway to the kitchen, wondering in misery where Gabriel is.
“I’m fucking miserable too. At least you get to see him again,” I say. I could only hope to be reincarnated as a cat in Gabriel’shousehold where I’d be loved and held and pampered and could do no wrong. I could never put him in danger.
I hesitate before I reach down and pick up Margarine. He’d be much happier here with Gabriel, but for some reason I don’t quite understand, I grab him with one arm and slip out the door, walking out to my car where the sound of rusty purrs fills the silence.
And my body aches.
THIRTY
Gabriel
“I’m so happy to be getting out of the hospital,” I say while the nurse wheels me out to where my mom’s car is waiting. Jesse and Matthew trail after me since Mom went ahead to collect the car.
“I bet you are. I’m just…” Jesse takes a deep breath. “So happy to finally be free of all of that. I can’t even tell you how happy I am.”
“Good,” I say with a smile as we reach the car. I try to get in it, but Jesse and Matthew are both here trying to help me in. Like… do they think my limbs no longer work? Instead, they each grab a part of me and try to guide me inside, which makes the whole thing awkward and strange, especially when they bash their heads into each other.
