‘I know.’ He could tell she was smiling, a fact that filled him with joy! The certainty in her response, the comfortable nature of their positioning. It was just as magical, as perfect as he’d imagined. ‘My gentle giant!’ Tilting her face, she kissed his neck. A kiss from those lips that had formed vows, spoken of love and made promises that he alone knew she would not – could not – keep. ‘Do you want to watch a film?’ she asked.
‘No. I just want to sit here with you.’
It was the truth. This his greatest desire, a quiet moment of normality, side by side, as if they had all the time in the world. His understanding in that moment that this was what he had craved, and what he now mourned, the contentment of living a small, simple life with someone to love, who loved him in return.
‘Spoke to my mum earlier.’ His wife yawned and his heart flexed, that tiredness that dogged her, was this the start? Why had he not noticed, acted, done something! ‘She breaks my heart. I know she misses my dad and tries her best to hide it. That’s why she calls at tea-time, told me she can’t bear to see the clock reaching six and not have him at the table with his tea in front of him. She misses having him to chit chat to about her day, the ordinary stuff. I know that’s when she misses him themost. How sweet is that, but sad, right? I get it, though, when the rest of the street are feeding their loved ones and she’s stood by herself in the kitchen, it’s hard for her, d’you know what I mean?’
Lewis hadn’t considered this. He felt a rise of something in his chest that felt a lot like guilt. The fact that his mother-in-law was still grieving her husband when her daughter had died, and that tea-time without her beloved was as hard for her as it was for him.
‘Yes, I do know what you mean.’ He made a silent promise to do better, be better for his mother-in-law who too lived in the shadow of loss.
Jane nestled closer into his form.
‘You are lovely, Lew, the loveliest.’ She kissed him again. This time he faced her, and her kiss landed on his mouth. His eyes, although closed, couldn’t prevent the tears that graced his cheeks. To be kissed by her, touched by her, to feel her breath, warm against his skin.
‘What you crying for, Bibber?’
He’d forgotten this too, she called him Bibber, he called her Babber.
‘Just…’ It was tempting, so tempting to tell her to go to the doctor tomorrow, or now, right now! To try and get the words out that she should rush to the hospital and tell them, tell them what? She didn’t know yet. They didn’t know yet. Besides, Chen had explained that one hint of forewarning and he’d lose this precious time, and he couldn’t risk that, wanting to savour every single second!
He squeezed her hand, feeling the wedding and engagement rings roll against his palms, the same rings that now sat in a little glass pot on his bedside table.
‘Just love you so much.’
‘We’re lucky, aren’t we?’ she whispered. ‘Don’t know anyone whose got what we’ve got or feel how we feel. I will spend therest of my life loving you, Lewis Noble, loving you with my whole heart. What a lovely thing!’
He closed his eyes and wrapped her in his arms, knowing she spoke the truth. They were so very lucky, and it was indeed a fact she would spend the rest of her life loving him with her whole heart.
‘It is, Janey, it’s a lovely, lovely thing.’
The seconds ticked by, and he took the time to recall every facet of the way she felt in his embrace. Their hearts beating in rhythm, their breathing in sync. Content to sit here for eternity. He fought the desire to panic, to fret at no more than the thought that it was coming to an end.
‘What was your favourite day ever?’ he asked, holding her tightly, his voice hoarse with all it wanted to say and all he did his best to contain.
‘Our wedding day,’ she answered without hesitation. ‘It was like time sped up and slowed down all at the same time. Even now, I often think about it. The way you looked, standing there waiting for me at the end of the aisle. The first time you saw my dress.’
‘You looked like a movie star!’
‘I felt like a movie star!’ she chuckled that soft laugh that was like sunshine. ‘Then kicking off my heels and dancing with the girls, sipping champagne. Uncle Tony falling down the steps of the hotel!’
‘I’d forgotten that!’ He had.
‘Luckily his joints were lubricated with Guinness, and he didn’t do any damage.’
‘Only to the steps.’ He laughed.
‘Yep, probably. Mum crying all day, just sobbing with joy! Your dad hugging you and warning you to treat me right.’
‘I hope I did, do…dotreat you right, love.’ He held his breath, waiting to see if he’d blown it, fearing she might disappear, andhe’d be robbed of his remaining minutes. But no, it seemed he was permitted one small slip of the tongue.
‘You know you do.’ She squeezed his hand. ‘And what about you, Lew, what was your favourite day ever?’
‘This one,’ he managed. ‘This right now. Sitting here with you on the sofa. They don’t tell you, do they, how it’s the small things that are actually the big things. These quiet moments. They’re what shape us, what bind us, aren’t they?’
‘They are, my love. They are.’
‘I’m,’ he took his time, forming his words, ‘I’m so thankful for you, Jane. Can’t imagine what I’d do without you.’
