In no mood to row with her sister, Ashleigh bit her lip, before taking another drag. It was always this way when they hadn’t seen each other for a while, the verbal jousting, the tension, like shouting at yourself in the mirror; exhausting, confusing, and just as fruitless when it came to resolution.
‘So, is he your boyfriend?’
‘What are you, six?’ She shook her head.
‘No, Ashleigh, I am not your doctor, and I am not six. I was just trying to make conversation. Forget it.’ Remy stood, as if to make her way back inside.
‘I’m sorry. Please stay here. I’d like the company. Mum is still telling everyone about my D.I.V.O.R.C.E., likethat’sthe worst thing I’ve ever done, and as if it wasn’t a million years ago now! Then she mentions that Evie is married to a woman – awoman! Big deal! I left before she got to the part where I stole your place at St. Jude’s. She tries to do it all in hushed tones that are anything but.’ She pulled her sister’s arm until Remy plopped back down next to her.
‘They never said you stole my place, I think they always went down the line that it was more that Iforcedyou into taking it, that kind of thing.’
‘God!’ she sighed. ‘How’s it still such a fucking mess?’
‘I don’t know, but it is.’ Remy gave a snort of laughter, suggesting she found the whole subject as taxing and ridiculous as her sister did. ‘I can’t very well hide from you today.’
Ashleigh smiled at her. ‘No, you can’t. You look good, Remy.’ She really did, her curly hair, now greying, suited her, and she was ageing well, owning those wrinkles and still beautiful.
‘I do not! I am now officially about a hundred years older than you! You look like my little sister! With the ...’ Remy pointed at her own mouth and forehead. ‘I mean, you look amazing, but I don’t know how you do it! I couldn’t be arsed. Does it hurt?’
‘Yes.’
It was easier, Ashleigh figured, for her to spend money on her aesthetics. It wasn’t as if she had a mortgage, grandchildren, a husband to consider financially, and her time was her own, no cooking of supper, no Sunday roasts, no babysitting, no having to be there for Harper, day and night, no ... nothing. She was free, as a bird, almost.No matter that it was a freedom that came with its own kind of cost and its own kind of loneliness.
‘Plus, I have to be arsed. It’s cut-throat out there in the dating pool, especially at our time of life. Fifty-five is no age to be on the hunt.’
‘Fifty-five?’
‘Yes, if Victor, my lift, asks you, we’re fifty-five.’
Her sister laughed out loud. ‘You’re terrible!’ The energy shift eased the atmosphere and they sat quietly, for a minute, until Remy turned to face her. ‘Should I be worried about you, Ash?’ Ashleigh watched as her sister studied her face for clues. She knew how this worked, recognising the small tells of her own expressions that were the same, and therefore revealed much.
Shaking her head, Ashleigh looked towards the house, where Bertie and Ulla Lumi were taking a moment, holding each other tightly in the kitchen, unaware they were being watched. It felt invasive to stare butit was beautiful too. She was happy for Bertie, a quirky kid who had turned out great, the father of twins, no less. What a gift.
‘I know what you’re asking, and the answer is no. I’m not depressed, not struggling, just thoughtful, reflective. Which I think I’m allowed to be today.’
‘Yes, you are.’ Remy nodded. ‘But I just wanted to say that losing Dad has made me think about everything, Ash.’
‘Me too.’ She could only agree.
‘I was dreading seeing you, and that’s not right.’
‘It’s not, Rem.’
‘I might not always like you, but youcanalways talk to me if you need to. Always. Just call.’
‘Can I just call you?’ Her question was genuine, her confusion real. Her sister’s words had hurt more than she could express. ShewantedRemy not only to like her, but toloveher, to forgive her too, for how far she had slipped out of reach, how far they both had. It was a two-way street. But right now all she wanted was for them both to find a way forward.
‘You can, Ash, of course you can. And maybe you should. We’re not getting any younger. Well, one of us isn’t.’ She smiled.
‘I’d never take my life, Remy, ifthat’swhat you were driving at. I love my life, love my friends, my people.’
‘That wasn’t what I was—’
‘Wasn’t it? You think I’m unstable.’
‘I don’t!’ There was a beat of silence, and an overenthusiasm in her sister’s tone that suggested she had lied. ‘I think you’re a train wreck sometimes, but generally not unstable.’
For some reason she found this funny. ‘Don’t hold back, Rem!’
