‘We’re not to mention it, not ever again. Just make out it hasn’t happened, let everyone believe what they know to be true, that you took the exam, Ash. That’s the end of it. Promise me!’
‘I promise.’ Her mouth felt dry. It was overwhelming that her sister had done this remarkable, daring, and crazy thing just for her. ‘Thank you, little dove.’ Ashleigh reached for her sister then and held her close.
That’s how they stood, cheek to cheek, with their hands around each other’s backs, curly hair falling over the other’s arms and shoes toe to toe. The symmetry was stunning, these two little girls indistinguishable, almost; two halves of one egg, one person ...
Remy
‘Get in.’
Remy watched as her mum held open the car door, avoiding eye contact, but looking around as if she were a getaway driver making sure the coast was clear. She slipped on to the back seat. Ashleigh sat next to her, on the right.
Ashleigh always sat on the right.
Her mum, usually in a hurry to get supper on the table, sat still for a second. Slowly, she buckled up, missing the connection with the end of the seat belt; it took her two attempts before it locked in, and with her trembling hands she gripped the steering wheel.
‘I don’t honestly know what to say.’
Her tone wasn’t what Remy might have expected. There was no shouting, no overt anger, no questions fired or judgement offered, nothing loud. It was worse somehow; far better the yelling that she would know how to react to. This was more reminiscent of when their grandpa had died and her mum had sat on the edge of the bed and said gently,I have some really rotten news ...It felt the same.
Remy stared out of the window, avoiding the frequent blink of her mum’s eyes in the rear-view mirror that she feared might be a forerunner to tears, and quite unable to look at Ashleigh. It was a dreadful thought that she might be about to make their mummy cry! She hadn’t wanted that, definitely not that.
‘I mean, I just ...’ Her mum shook her head, as if confirming that she really didn’t know what to say. ‘Me and your dad, we’re at a loss ... It makes no sense.’
And this was how it went. Her mum barely keeping the lid on her sadness, her confusion, as she pulled the choke, started the engine, and drove slowly out of the school gates. Remy stayed silent, while the atmosphere inside the car screamed loudly of all that they tried to contain.
‘Honestly, Remy, what were you thinking?’
She felt her sister’s hand creep across the seat and reach for her fingers. And there they sat, each staring out of the opposite window of the car as it moved towards home, holding hands. Both aware of what she had done and yet both sworn not to mention it, not ever. There was something very satisfying about having come up with aplan and executed it, knowing she had done so for her sister, yet any joy was tinged with sadness at the way her mum was now reacting.
‘I even made a lemon meringue pie to celebrate.’
‘I won’t have any.’ Remy spoke clearly. She thought it best to show she wasn’t expecting any special dinner, not when she had, in her mum’s view, let them all down so badly. At the thought of the promised treat – toad in the hole, mash and onion gravy – her stomach growled. It had been a busy old day, what with the exam and all, and she was hungry.
‘That’s right, you won’t!’
Her mother spoke sharply now, as she shook her head; this no doubt just the first punishment to come Remy’s way. She hadn’t expected this anger, this uproar, it was, after all, only one exam.
She felt the tremble of her sister’s palm and slowly turned to face her, wanting to help allay her fears, to smile and reassure her, but to her surprise, Ashleigh was not shaking with fright or nerves, she was instead laughing, quietly laughing until the tears rolled down her face.
Remy tried not to, knowing it might tip her mother over the edge, but it was impossible, and she too started to giggle.
‘Well, I don’t know what about this is remotely funny! I really don’t. Mr Gerald was in a flap, thought you’d been abducted! We were minutes away from calling the police! Can you imagine how worried I was? He did four laps of the paddock with a stick, prodding every bush, looking behind trees. He had the caretaker search every cupboard and storeroom. They even took a torch into the crawl space under the terrapin!’
Their mother fired from thin lips, her voice a firecracker in the quiet, and it became clear that suddenly she knewexactlywhat to say.
Ashleigh laughed harder, wheezing now with one hand on her chest. This only made Remy giggle more, snorting in an almostuncontrolled fashion that was always the way when one of them laughed, and it was contagious.
‘You can laugh now, but my God! All that money, the scholarship, beyond our wildest bloody dreams!’ Her voice cracked. ‘And when one of you is holidaying in Sardinia and the other in Southend, it won’t be funny. When one of you is driving around in a Ford Granada and the other is taking the flippin’ bus, it won’t be funny! When one of you is running your own business and the other is emptying the bins, trust me, you won’t be laughing, Remy Brett!’
Her mother had made it abundantly clear that she was the one who would be holidaying in Southend, having travelled there by bus, on a precious day off from bin-emptying. This dire prediction of her life felt so removed from her ten-year-old self travelling in the back of her dad’s Austin that it was hard to picture.
Again Ruthie gripped the steering wheel so hard that the leather squeaked under her palms.
‘I really don’t see what is funny about it, about any of it!’
‘What’s funny,’ Ashleigh spoke up, clearly and confidently, ‘is that Remy doesn’t even like lemon meringue pie.’
‘I thought it was you who didn’t like lemon meringue pie, Ashleigh? I’ve made you a mini apple Charlotte!’
