‘You should join a club.’
The woman’s suggestion was a little left field.
‘What kind of club?’ She was curious.
‘I don’t know... badminton? Or, or do a class, pottery, or something?’
‘Yes, I’ll think about it.’ This would make Angela roar, she was certain. ‘Do you belong to any clubs or do any classes, Trish?’ Her new assertive stance urged the question from her lips.
The way Iris’s mother howled her laughter in response spoke volumes. ‘Oh, God no!’
‘So what time do you want to meet up?’ Enya thought it prudent to change the subject.
‘I can be with you by five?’
‘Great, see you then.’
‘Yep, see you then, Enya.’
No sooner had she put the phone down than it rang again almost immediately. ‘Greengate and Greengate, Enya speaking, how may I help you?’
‘Mum . . . Mum, it’s me.’
‘Goodness me, well, aren’t I popular this morning! You got back to Bath okay yesterday? It was lovely to see you.’
‘Yeah, easy journey. God, that feels like, I don’t know, feels like it could have been weeks ago that we sat at the table and you made my breakfast.’
She could tell by his tone, in the way you could with someone you loved and were close to, that all was not well. ‘What’s up, kiddo?’
‘Um...’ He took his time. ‘I told her. I told Iris last night. Told her about the baby, about Holly being pregnant. It was really, um...’
She heard him take a stuttered breath.
‘It’s okay, love. Just go slow, take deep breaths, and go slow.’
She had softened her tone and slowed her own pace, hoping he might follow suit, giving his thoughts a chance to catch up with everything that clearly whirred in his brain, while she braced herself to hear the fallout from his discussion with Iris, knowing it could be anything from complete forgiveness and understanding to ‘the wedding is off’! It was impossible not to reflect on the fact that they had only known each other for such a short time and that the novelty of new, great sex, and all the excitement of the whirlwindcould only carry them so far. Instantly, she felt mean for thinking it; maybe she was just an old cynic.
An old cynic with a whole marriage under my belt who understands what a lifetime of commitment means...
‘I told her the moment I got back to The Mount. We went outside and I just said it. I told her that I loved her and that I never expected to meet someone like her. I said she was the single best thing that’s ever happened to me, which is the truth. She was so happy, Mum, beaming at me, looking at me like she was lookingintome. Do you know what I mean, when it’s more than just a look, it’s a connection.’
‘Uh-huh.’
Enya pictured Dominic sitting on the other side of the dining table in the kitchen, and she understood. She did indeed know the look; a similar one she and Jonathan had perfected over decades of practice, a look embedded in trust, one that came with a shared history. Yet with Dominic it had seemed almost instinctive, an illusion no doubt.
‘So, what did she say, darling?’
Enya trod the tricky path between wanting to give him time to speak freely while also acutely aware that she was at work. The clock was literally ticking, and Messrs Greengate and Greengate would at any moment be popping their wiry heads around the door to greet her with a joyousGood morning, Enya!before disappearing into their respective offices, where she worried one day she might hear a call for help as a teetering mountain of foolscap files actually toppled over on to them.
There were worse ways to go. She thought now of the lingering loneliness and her fading presence in her neighbourhood, a desperate concept. Wondering if it were possible that she might become smoke and disappear altogether, no more thana trick of the light...she would not let that happen. She would not, therewouldbe a job for her somewhere after this, and never again would she be made to feel like a criminal in her own home. It bothered her still, Maeve’s tuts of disapproval, Jenny’s anger; it was as misplaced as it was infuriating.
‘I was staring at her, and it was like I could see every bit of her face in detail, and she looked so happy. And just as hard as what I had to say was knowing how my words were going to make her feel. That I was going to deliberately pull the plug on her happiness. I was going to intentionally say something that would hurt her, the thing I’d sworn I would never do, and it was the worst feeling in the world.’
Enya bit her lip to avoid asking if it was worse than leaving Holly alone and broken while he chose ribbons and red velvet cake and pondered what music might be played as he tripped the light fantastic on the dance floor with his bride in his arms? But of course she didn’t, because that was unfair and was only a private fleeting uncomfortable thought, the kind that was definitely best not to share.
‘I told her I’d found something out, and the colour drained from her face. I don’t know what she expected, but she knew instantly it was nothing good. I said,Holly’s pregnant, and she laughed. She gave this kind of snort laugh, and I remember I did something similar when you told me, because it’s so unbelievable that it has to be a joke, right? It has to be, Mum, because how can this huge sledgehammer come along and smash my happiness to smithereens, Iris’s too? And I know what you’re thinking, you’ll be thinking, what about Holly’s happiness, Holly’s life, what about Holly... And you’re right, I know you’re right, but in that moment it was just Iris and me, and we are on countdown to this wedding just a couple of weeks away with so much to do. We’re so excited. It’s everything really, certainly her every waking thought. And it feels cruel that we now have to contend with this news.’
Knowing how quickly the wrong phrase or word when addressing her son could grow into a row, Enya trod carefully, yet spoke firmly.
