‘That’s your second wow of the evening.’
‘Yes, I’m aware, but both with very different meanings. My first wow was as in, that’s a surprise! A shock! Give me a second to take it in.’
‘And your second?’ She wasn’t sure she wanted the answer.
‘That was, wow, as in, I can’t imagine sitting in the kitchen or reading in bed while Frank called a woman with whom he has aspark. Me planning what to make for his packed lunch, worrying about whether we’ve enough milk in, while he flirted with someone on the phone.’
Her sister’s words settled like sharp things in her breast.
‘It wasn’t,’ she shook her head, was about to deny the flirtatious suggestion, but couldn’t, knowing she would only be kidding herself, ‘you’re not bringing up anything I haven’t already thought or voiced. I know how it sounds.’
‘Do you?’
Her sister’s accusatory tone was less than helpful and the last thing she needed; it hurt, mainly because Angela only spoke the truth.
‘I do, and just to bring you up to speed, he and Trish have agreed to part, he’s taken the lease on a flat. All before us, before... before me... not that there’s an us or...’
‘I see.’
‘Anyway, the last time we broached the subject, you were laughing about me playing footsie under the table with him at the reception!’ Enya reminded her.
‘I thought it was a joke, really. I had no idea that you might.’
‘I haven’t. I didn’t. Iwon’t!Anyway, it’s all irrelevant because I told him not to call me and I made it clear he’s not to come here, no contact. I won’t see him again unless it’s in a crowd or at the very least, a small group.’
‘How do you feel about that?’
‘Truthfully?’
‘No, no, make something up to placate me. Of course, truthfully!’ Her sister tutted.
She took her time, wanting to get the words right. ‘I guess, I forgot for a moment.’ She cursed the slip of tears down the back of her throat.
‘You forgot what?’
‘When I was talking to him, when I was with him – Dominic, I forgot that I was getting older, that I’m a widow. I forgot that sometimes I can feel so lonely it radiates like pain through my limbs. I forgot I’m getting close to the downward slope of my life. All the treacle I’ve waded through to get to this point, I forgot all of it. And you know that, that lightness you feel in your teens or your twenties, that sense of excitement fizzing in your blood and that the whole wide world was out there to conquer, that you could and probably would do it all and have it all once you got out of the blocks.’
‘Yes.’ Her sister nodded, her sharp edge now softened, her voice low, as if Enya’s words had struck a chord.
‘Well, it was just like that. And I liked it.’
‘Of course you did, darling.’
‘I just wanted to touch him, to touch his wrist, that little spot where all his veins gathered under the surface of his skin, the place where his watch rested. I wanted to touch his skin and for him to hold me. That’s what I wanted, Angela.’ Her voice was barely a whisper, but it felt good to say it out loud, no matter how cautiously.
‘So if he’s as free as you say he is, what’s stopping you?’ Angela held her gaze.
She took her time. ‘I can’t imagine Aiden having to deal with that on top of everything else. He and Iris have got some tough times coming up.’
‘True.’ Angela looked into the middle distance.
‘Plus, Aiden is still mourning his dad, and this is his haven and I’m all that’s left. How would he feel if I dismantled all Jonathan and I had, started over with someone new, anyone! Let alone his father-in-law! What would that look like around the Christmas table!’
‘Well, that’s just bullshit.’ Her sister as ever pulled no punches. ‘You can’t put your life on hold for Aiden or your deceased husband! It’s not practical, not smart!’
‘I think it’s smart not to rush headlong into something that might be nothing, to cause disruption for no reason.’
‘Have you told Aiden that?’ Angela raised her eyebrows. ‘Sorry, that was below the belt. Carry on.’
