Back in the kitchen she whispered his name, softly, ‘Jonathan?’
A futile call into the echoing quiet. She knew, knew that he had gone, couldfeelit. Understanding how impossible it would be to witness him in the arms of another, no matter that it was a gesture of goodbye, aware that any old fool would have been able to feel the emotion in it, to see the exquisite and all-consuming pain in their parting.
Jonathan, however, was not and never had been any old fool.
It was almost instinctive, as if at some deeper level she recognised that to be alone was the last thing she needed. Talking so openly to Dominic had reminded her of the unbearable silence of loss and she couldn’t face it right now, couldn’t face it at all. It was as if the scab that had formed over her grief had been ripped off, leaving her loss on her skin like a fresh wound, gaping, and the pain just as acute.
She grabbed her phone.
‘Hello?’
‘Angela.’
‘What is it, love, what’s happened?’
‘Can you, can you come over, please. Can you... can you just come here?’
There were no further questions. No discussion of time or plan or logistics. No debate over whether the need to disrupt her evening was necessary or frivolous. Her sister responded in the way Enya knew she would, and her heart was glad of it.
‘I’m on my way, Ens. Hang on, doll. I’m on my way...’
Chapter Twenty
Angela leaned on the outside wall and was breathing deeply as Enya opened the front door. Her face softened with relief.
‘Just to be clear, you’re paying for every speeding ticket and taking any points incurred on my licence. I made record time and even beat a fancy motorbike away at the lights.’
‘There was no need for that.’ She smiled, kind of glad that her sister hadn’t spared the horses and was here, right where she needed her to be. It was reassuring. Jenny might not be coming to see her any time soon, but she could still rely on Angela.
‘I thought there was every need for it, you sounded, I don’t know, you sounded terrible.’
Enya nodded, unable to deny that she not only sounded but also felt terrible, weakened and disrupted by the afternoon spent. Having admitted to Dominic how she felt was exposing, and the way he had left her felt like the saddest ending of something before it had even started.
‘Wine or tea?’ she asked as Angela followed her into the kitchen. She had, as she awaited her arrival, swilled the abandoned rosé down the sink and popped the glasses in the dishwasher.
‘Tea, but Ens, don’t worry about a drink, please just come and sit down, I’m worried about you. My head has come up with every awful scenario you can imagine on the way here, ranging from youbeing diagnosed with something I don’t want to hear about, to possible alien abduction.’
‘You got me, it’s alien abduction.’ She pulled a face.
‘Actually, no, we’re not going to laugh our way out of this. Iknowyou. I know what that call meant, you never sound like that, never ask me to come over, not since...’
‘I remember.’
That last time, with hysteria edging her words, Please, Ange, can you come here now, please just come... he’s not got long, I can feel it...
Angela reached for her hand and led her into the lounge, and she was happy for her sister to do so, wanting someone to take the reins, to care for her in the way Jonathan had when he was here and when he was able, before his illness robbed them both of so much. The sisters sat at either end of the sofa, their pace unhurried and the agenda unset, in the way it was when you were close to a sibling.
‘I don’t know where to start, really.’ She pulled her knees up to her chin and wrapped her arms around her shins.
‘Take your time. We’re not in any rush.’
‘I’m quite surprised by how my life has ended up,’ Enya began.
Angela laughed out loud. ‘Who isn’t? I mean, good Lord above, do we ever get the life we envisaged for ourselves? If someone had told me I’d end up with Frank who was vice-captain of the football team when we were at school, I’d have laughed in their face!’
‘You just laughed in mine,’ Enya pointed out, half in jest.
‘True, but that’s because it’s just as absurd! First, this is not how your life has ended up, because that would suggest it’s the end and you are far, far from that.’
