‘Andthat’sexactly my point!’ Angela pressed. ‘You never used to be like this.’
‘I’d like to see how many pub lunches you might fancy if you lost Frank.’ Her fast and sharp retort one that she would undoubtedly ponder and possibly regret later. It was painful to hear her life described by the small things that had become the big things.
‘Not many I’m guessing, for a while, but then I like to think I’d come out the other side and realise that I need to choose differently.’
‘Now, why didn’t I think of that? It’s so obvious, Angela!’ She comically smacked her forehead with her palm. ‘I need to choose differently! Quick, pass my laptop so I can upload Grindr or whatever it is!’
‘I don’t think you’d get many dates on Grindr, my darling.’
‘You don’t know till you try!’ Enya didn’t want to think of herself as undateable.
‘And don’t be so defensive, I’m not having a go at you or criticising. I’m just saying how I see it, and I’m delighted at the thought that you might be putting your head above the parapet, getting out there. You’re young and fabulous, and Jonathan wouldn’t want you hiding in your snow den. He was many things, that brother-in-law of mine, but mostly he was generous and smart, and he loved you far too much to allow you to let life pass you by. That much I do know.’
Enya shrank down on to the mattress at the thought of her lovely husband, placed her hand on her chest and felt the throb of loss, like a drum, beating out its mournful rhythm that sat like background noise to her thoughts.
I don’t want to have to put myself out there, I want you back...
‘Would you say he liked you too, this man, did you get that feeling?’
Enya thought about this.
‘I’d say possibly, yes. Not sure how to tell, he might just be nice to everyone. One of those people.’
‘If you got the sense he liked you, he probably did. The question is, what are you going to do about it?’
‘Oh, nothing! Nothing! God no!’
Just the thought was enough to invite her potential panic to lap at her heels. It was a frightful thought. She was not ready, not nearly ready. No way. She wanted Jonathan. She wanted him to be here, right now!
‘Nope, don’t be a pessimist! You have his number, are you going to call him?’
‘No! Well, maybe, but only to sort the car repair, but even then, I’m not sure.’ She closed her eyes tightly and wanted the conversation to end. ‘I should probably let you go, poor Frank is alone with Mum and Dad right now.’
‘Was he wearing a wedding ring?’
Angela, it seemed, was keener on chatting than getting back to the family dinner.
‘No. But I was. I am.’
Enya closed her fingers around the gold band on her finger that was so much more than a sliver of shiny metal.
‘The thing is, my love, he might right now be on the phone to his brother, explaining how he met a woman, a woman he liked and who he thinks might like him back, but he’s unsure of what to do next, as she was wearing a wedding ring.’
‘I guess so.’
‘The only way to know one way or the other if he is attached, or to find out if it has legs, is to make contact. That’s the advice from your big sister, who always knows best.’
‘Oh yeah? Three words for you, Angela: warm ham sandwich!’
‘Oh don’t, it might have been nearly forty years ago, but I swear I can still taste it! Anyway, better go, you’re right, there’s bound to be something going on at the table that will need refereeing. Speak soon, be brave, I love you!’
‘Love you.’
Be brave . . .if only.
Pickle, disturbed from her rest as Enya shifted her legs, looked less than happy, and coiled into a bun on top of the duvet.
‘What’s up, pussycat? You finding it hard to settle too?’
