‘Did you see the seal?’
‘No, it had gone.’ His expression was crestfallen. ‘Dad and Dilly are coming.’
‘What would you like for breakfast?’ She did her best to control the break in her voice, knowing that the decisions she and Hugo would make in the coming days would affect him and Dilly in ways that were unthinkable only a few months ago.
‘Sugar Puffs, please.’
Harriet stood and her boy fell against her and she held him fast. Her beloved son. And there they stood, as she hoped and prayed that in that space, in that moment, he would know the unique solace and protection that her encircling arms provided.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
TAWRIEGUNN
AUGUST2024
With leaden limbs, fatigue-riddled bones and a cloak of sorrow about her shoulders, Tawrie cycled slowly. Hele Bay Beach was quiet when she pulled up and placed her bike and duffel bag in her favoured spot. It was rare and deflating to look out over the water and not feel the rush of excitement at the prospect of striding in. Not even the sight of glorious sunshine spreading over the water could lift her. Never could she have imagined that to walk into the big briny and feel its embrace would seem like a chore. Her heart just wasn’t in it, but she was damned if she was going to let someone like Edgar Stratton spoil this for her too.
Images of his laughing face and his words, offered so sincerely, had plagued her throughout the night, and she knew that if she hadn’t heard from his own mouth that he had a girlfriend, she would not have believed it. Her experience of him and the trust quickly built, based on nothing more than instinct, had led her tobelieve that he was the real deal and that her feelings were indeed reciprocated.
A quick glance along the shoreline and she spotted Jago, already in and pulling through the water. Maudie was a little way off to his right.
There was no sign of Ed, something she had hoped for and dreaded in equal measure. Practising in her head how she would ignore him, while thinking of all the questions she wanted to fire at him. It was a quandary. She longed to see him, the love drug residue still lingered in her veins and fed the craving. At the same time, the prospect of seeing him and not being able to touch him because he was not hers was galling. A realisation that caused her stomach to grip with loss.
With her swimming costume on, wetsuit left at home on this warm day, she strode into the water and felt the frustrating sting of tears; she waded further until the water lapped her thighs and still those tears just kept on coming. With her head now in her hands and her goggles dangling on her wrist, she knew there was no point putting them on only to have them fill from her leaky eyes. Her shoulders shook as frustration and fatigue combined to make her do something that the darkness, rain, and wind had failed to do: look back at the shore, where her dry robe nestled invitingly on her bike, and wonder if she had the strength to swim at all, or whether she should give up and go home, just for today.
The water chopped against her and she took this as the push she needed to get on with it. Further still she ventured, until gentle waves lapped her shoulders and neck and she closed her eyes, letting the ocean soothe her.
‘What’s wrong with me, Dad?’ she whispered, swallowing the salty mass of distress that gathered at the back of her nose and slipped down her throat. Pulling her arms through the sea, she moved swiftly out into deeper water before slowing, eyes closed,the sun on her face as she opened her heart to the body of water where she felt most at home.
‘Why is it never my turn? What did I do? Should I have put mascara on?’ She sniffed. ‘I don’t wear make-up because I don’t look like Connie so I don’t see the point, and I would hate anyone to think I was like Mum, always with a face full of the stuff. I don’t want anyone to think I’m like her.’ Her tears added salty drops to top up the ocean. ‘I really liked him, more than I was supposed to after such a short period of time. I couldn’t help it. I loved him. I love him. He felt like mine, and I know that’s a ridiculous thing to say for a grown woman – romantic, fanciful even – but it’s the truth, he did. And I liked the way it felt; in fact, I loved it.’
‘It’s okay, take your time ...’ The voice was soft, kind.
Dad?
She took a sharp intake of breath and opened her eyes towards the sound coming from the ocean. It was of course Jago who had come alongside her and spoke again. ‘Who are you talking to, Tawrie Gunn?’
She turned in the water. ‘Oh! Jago! I didn’t know you were there.’ Her humiliation was complete.
‘I didn’t want to interrupt you; sounded like you were having quite the chat.’
His kindness was like flicking a switch that made her tears surge.
‘Be steady, Tawrie, nothing is worth crying over, dear.’
At the sight of the kindly old man who was most definitely not her father, she cried harder, sinking down into the water, crying and bobbing like a lost seal pup. The disappointment of the voice not belonging to her dad was more than she could or would ever confess.
‘I’m ... I’m oka-ay.’ She stuttered.
‘It’s horrible to see you like this! You are always so sunny! So delighted to be a Peacock! It gladdens our hearts. We look out for you every day and when we see your bike appear on the slipway, it makes us so happy!’
She found his sweetness and the sentiment he expressed profoundly moving.
‘I can’t help it.’
‘I don’t want to pry and you don’t have to tell me a thing, but is it because of that young man? Maudie said you were quite keen.’
Tawrie nodded. ‘I was. More than quite keen.’ She could picture Maudie mouthing the understatement. ‘But not as keen, apparently, as his fiancée.’
