‘Please, Tawrie, just . . .’
‘Just what, Mum? Shut up? Stop going on? Or isn’t it about now we get to the apology and tears stage? Honest to God, people ask me why I didn’t go off and become a midwife and it makes me laugh. How could I go and study? How can I concentrate on anything when my mind is always half here, wondering what you’re doing, whether you’re safe, if Nan is okay and worrying that she might be having to clean up after you!’
On cue her mother’s thin shoulders heaved and fat tears fell down her face.
‘There we are!’ she boomed, entirely fed up with the whole circus, the empty apologies, the meaningless tears that she had witnessed time and time again; tears that only a change in behaviour would legitimise. Not that she was holding her breath.
‘I am sorry! Iam!’ Annalee did her best to shout, as if this might give her words credibility, but her voice was thin.
Freda sat on the side of her bed and to Tawrie’s irritation, she saw her reach out to pat her mother’s leg over the blanket.
‘I am sorry!’ Again, Annalee sobbed.
‘Are you, though? I get you don’t give a rat’s arse what happens to you and you clearly don’t give a shit what effect your boozing has on me, you never have.’ She paused to let this sink in. ‘But you should be ashamed of how it affects Nan.’ Annalee finally looked at the old woman perched on the mattress. ‘You woke her up and she had to set to, clearing up your sick and whatever else she isn’t telling me.’ Her nan’s look downward suggested this was probably accurate. ‘Picture it, Mum, Nana Freda on her hands and knees in her nightdress, mopping up your wine and vodka sick, the smell of it, theworstjob, and she did that for you! Again! Downstairs stinks!’
‘All right, Tawrie.’ Her nan spoke firmly and held her gaze. ‘That’s enough.’
It was hurtful that her nan even partially seemed to be siding with Annalee, and with high emotion spinning around them, she decided the best thing to do would be to get out of the room and get out of the house. There was no time for a decent swim, not now, not without it making her ridiculously late for work, and that was unfair on Connie. She knew, however, that she had to cycle down to Hele Bay Beach and tell Maudie and Jago that she was okay. Missing her swim for the first time since joining the Peacock Swimmers would only worry them and she cared about them far too much for that.
She did her best not to look at Corner Cottage as she cycled past, didn’t want Ed to see her in a state of high agitation, angry all over again that her perfect night had been hijacked by the events waiting for her at Signal House. It was so bloody unfair! Picturing the neat, cosy interior of Ed’s house, she wished she could have stayed cocooned inside it, safe in his arms with untested words of affection bouncing off the walls. Despite the dire welcome at home, her spirits lifted at the thought of her new love and all that lay ahead for them. It was impossible not to feel excited, although this was tinged with dread at the thought of having to expose him to her grotty, grotty homelife as far as her mother was concerned.
She wished she could rewind to the point where she’d woken up in the attic room and held on longer to the feeling in her stomach that the world was a wonderful place full of infinite possibilities.
It really had been a perfect night. Time had lost all meaning, as they sat with legs touching, holding hands briefly, his fingers reaching out to move hair from her face, as they laughed and chattered.
‘Taw?’ he called after her, and just to hear his voice was enough to send her happiness into cartwheels. She turned on her bike and there he was. Just the sight of him enough for a punch of lust towhack her in the stomach and erase the stench of bleach and dysfunction that lingered in her nostrils. ‘I’ve been waiting for you to go past on your bike. Do you want me to come with you for your swim? We can chat on the way.’
His keenness to accompany her, to be with her was electric! She couldn’t wait to be seen with him, for him to meet Connie, to introduce him to Uncle Sten, for Freda to make him that cuppa. Just as wonderful as the way this crazy, fast, head-spinning love felt was the thought of all they were yet to experience.
‘That’s so sweet, but I’m not going to swim, just off to tell Jago and Maudie that I can’t make it but that I’m okay. I’m running late.’ She pulled a face.
‘And you hate being late.’
‘I really do.’ She smiled.
‘Tawrie?’
‘Yes?’
‘I need to tell you my third thing. The third thing you don’t know about me.’ His smile played nervously about his mouth and he took his time.
‘Go on then, make it quick!’ She looked up into the face of the man who had professed his love, and her heart flexed at the mere sight of his mouth moving and the memory of his lips softly grazing her skin.
‘No.’ He shook his head. ‘It’s not a quick thing or a by-the-way thing, it needs a longer chat. It’s important.’
‘Okay, well, after work?’ She loved making plans; the thought of another evening spent in his arms was enough to fill her with joy in anticipation of the day and night ahead. This love felt a lot like a secret and one that, she knew, lit her from within.
‘Yes, after work.’ He stared at her face, his eyes creased with kindness and something else. Concern? It was to be expected; to have expressed love so quickly, no matter how confident she wasof her feelings, left her a little vulnerable, exposed. It had to be the same for him.
‘I’ll come knock for you.’ She laughed as she pedalled off to find her fellow Peacocks, wondering how it was possible to spend mere minutes in his company and forget entirely that she had just rowed with her mother. It was what he did – made her feel that all was right with the world.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
HARRIETSTRATTON
AUGUST2002
Harriet knew she’d never forget the way her children listened to her every word, their expressions fraught as they sank back into the sofa, eyes wide, looking smaller and younger than ever.
