‘What do you mean?’ He stopped foraging for hot chocolate in the cupboard and faced her.
‘I mean ...’ Anxiety soup sloshed in her stomach. ‘I mean you and me. I’m not used to feeling like this. This doesn’t happen to me.’ It felt imperative to voice her worries, to find the clarity that would help her sleep without the jumble of thoughts aboutthis man and where she stood. She was still quite unable to believe her luck.
‘But what if it has happened to you? What do we do then?’ His voice was steady as he fixed her with a stare.
‘I guess ... I guess I’d be worried that it wasn’t reciprocated. It would be mortifying to feel this way and for it to only be one-way traffic.’ Her relief at having spoken so plainly was immense. ‘I don’t know what I’d do then, apart from run away,’ she half joked.
‘To Lundy?’
‘Possibly.’ She smiled.
He took a step forward and sat at the kitchen table. She followed suit. ‘So, Miss Gunn, this is your second interview for the position.’
She laughed, but actually wanted to stay on track. Ed sat up straight.
‘I can tell you, categorically, that it is very much reciprocated.’
‘It is?’ she whispered, wondering how actual butterflies and rainbows weren’t firing out of her navel.
He licked sweat from his top lip. ‘But it’s not straightforward. And so first, I want to tell you the three things you don’t know about me.’
‘My heart is racing; I only like straightforward. Can only really deal with straightforward.’ And just like that her butterflies and rainbows were back to anxiety soup.
‘Hear me out, okay?’
‘Okay.’ Her voice was small and she reminded herself that if the need arose, she could be back at Signal House and in her room in less than five minutes.
‘First thing is that my parents divorced when I was about eight. Everything for me, as I mentioned, has been separate since then. Two houses, two bedrooms, two Christmases, two birthday cakes, two dressing gowns stuck on the back of two hooks on the back oftwo bathroom doors, two pets – one dog, one cat – they couldn’t even agree on that!’
‘I don’t know if it sounds like fun or a nightmare.’
‘Both, depending on what I was going through, my age, how well my mum and dad were faring, their partners, the arrival of my step-siblings – all the usual stuff.’
‘There have been times when I was growing up when I’d have quite liked an alternative home to run to, a different parent, different bedroom, different view ...’
‘Yep, it had its advantages and there are some people who don’t have one stable home, so I know I’m lucky in some ways. But it was tricky. Up until they divorced, my life was pretty perfect. And so I think I compared it to that a lot.’
‘How was it pretty perfect?’ She liked idea of living perfectly.
‘We lived in the house where I was born. Home. Traditional Christmases, Sunday lunches, great holidays, summers in the garden with a paddling pool, lots of laughter and thenboom!’ He touched his fingers together and let them splay apart like a firework. ‘My dad had an affair.’
‘Oh!’ She didn’t know what to say.
‘I didn’t know it at the time, but I found out after a few years; my aunt let it slip – not in a malicious way – and it really affected me.’
‘That must have been so hard for your mum.’
‘Yep. It got much harder, but initially, they tried to start over, a new place, a new house. And I was bitter, I guess, because I hadn’t realised when we packed up our old house in Berkshire that we were packing up so much more than clothes and stuff. We were packing up the only life I’d known. I thought it was temporary and that we’d all go home eventually, but actually, everything was temporary from then on.’
‘Where was your new house?’ She was curious as to where he had called home.
He sat back and smiled at her. ‘This was our new house. Here. Corner Cottage, Ilfracombe.’
‘Are you kidding me?’ She jumped in her chair. ‘You lived here?’ She pointed at the wall, trying to make sense of it. ‘You were my neighbour? How come I don’t know you? I’ve always just lived down the road! Where did you go to school?’ The fact that their paths might have crossed was as exciting as it was odd.
‘In fairness, we weren’t here for long. We were supposed to be; this was our big new start, but it ended up being for no more than a few weeks and we left just before school started and went back to ouroldschool, as though nothing had happened. And I guess for most of the kids in school not much had happened, but for my sister and me ...’ His eyes misted and she wanted nothing more than to hold him. ‘Things quickly got very complicated. My dad moved back into the family home, the one we’d all vacated, and we were there during the week and it was shit, really. He was a mess, couldn’t cope, didn’t cook, laundry was hit and miss and all the things I’d taken for granted, things my mum did and the way the house felt—’ He swallowed. ‘It was a lot.’
‘I can imagine. So where was your mum?’
