‘Thought I’d go for a run up around the Torrs.’
The Torrs was a nature reserve and one of the four main hills of Ilfracombe that provided a spectacular view. He liked to run it alone, music on, said it helped clear his head, and this she more than understood, envying him the opportunity for escape. She found recently that no matter what she did her thoughts were cluttered.
‘Sure.’ In truth she wanted him gone, out of sight, relishing the prospect of an hour of quiet this early in the morning, a chance to try to clearherhead.
He leaned in and pecked her on the cheek. A hard kiss that saw their cheekbones clash. It was unpleasant almost, and certainly unwelcome. Her instinct was to yell, ‘Don’t fucking kiss me! You kissed her with that mouth! Don’t you dare!’It happened like this sometimes, when she had time alone to overthink and hurt steered her down a dead end where, trapped, the temptation was to howl and pounce like a creature snared. Of course, Hugo would only wonder where this reaction had come from. The aftermath of such an outburst would scare the kids and this thought alone was not enough to justify it. Instead she pushed her feet into the floor and ground her teeth together.
His low hum as he went off to locate his trainers spoke of how oblivious he was to it all. Her whole body shook.
The front door closed quietly behind him and she heard him greet Andrew the window cleaner who rattled up and down Mill Head with his ladder.
‘Lovely morning!’
She heard Hugo’s chat through the window. It might have been a lovely morning for him, but for her ... Sinking down into the leather armchair that felt like home, she reached for her diary, wanting to exorcise her thoughts and try to calm the volcano of anger and hurt that bubbled in her gut before the kids surfaced and came foraging for Sugar Puffs.
It was mid-afternoon. Harriet wasn’t used to feeling this nervous. She brushed her hair for the third time and resprayed her perfume. It was very different from slinging on a backpack and going off to meet her friends in Ledwick Green with the kids in tow, where they’d scamper off and do their own thing, while the grown-ups talked about school life, drank coffee, shared a cookie, and moaned about how little time they had in their busy lives, before arranging to do the whole thing again. Soon.
This felt a lot more formal, a bit like a test, and she so wanted to pass, knowing it would be that much easier come September if the kids knew at least one person when they started at their new school. She had no idea if Bear and the little girl who was going to be in his class next term would play nicely or even get on. Plus, she had never met the mother – supposetheyhad nothing to talk about? To be trapped with someone with whom she had zilch in common was a torturous prospect. A wave of unease washed over her. This was another challenge she would not be facing if Hugo had not royally buggered up their lives.
She was trying her best, really trying, yet these thoughts of recrimination just kept sneaking up on her.
Bear’s new teacher had suggested a meet-up. It felt very much as if she were being forced into her own play date and her adrenaline was pumping. It wasn’t that she was anti-social or even that she didn’t miss the companionship that came with being known in her community; it was more the awkwardness she knew she’d feel when it came to all the ordinary and anticipated questions that could get asked:
‘So, what made you move to Ilfracombe, Harriet?’
‘Funny thing, actually; my husband had an affair with my neighbour, Mrs Peterson, and we more or less ran away in the dead of night. Can I get you a cup of tea?’
‘How are you finding your new house?’
‘Claustrophobic, smaller than I’m used to, but also, I suspect, because I’m sharing it with my husband who had an affair with my neighbour, did I mention that? And quite honestly, even if this room were the size of a football field, I’d still feel his proximity. Do you take sugar?’
‘Let me introduce you to some of the other parents and people who live close by, it’d be good for you guys to meet people. What do you say?’
‘Maybe one day, but not yet. As I said, my husband had an affair with my neighbour and we’re on shaky ground when we’re alone. I can’t stand the thought of having to pull together and smile broadly to impress strangers. How about a biscuit?’
It was fair to say she wasn’t relishing the prospect.
A knock at the front door removed further opportunity for dread. She dug deep and found a neutral smile that was neither too forced nor too keen.
‘I thought it was you!’ The woman smiled and Harriet felt all her worry over the encounter disappear. ‘I said to Miss Knox, I’msure I’ve seen a new family in Fore Street. I’m Annalee by the way.’ She touched her dainty fingers to her chest.
‘That’s us! The new family! I’m Harriet. Please come in!’ Self-consciousness cloaked her as she recognised Annalee as one half of the couple she was a little in awe of, spying on them discreetly when possible.
‘And this is Tawrie.’ Annalee placed her hand on the slender back of her daughter who stood a little awkwardly to one side, her leg twisting, head down, as if she’d rather be anywhere else.
‘Hello, Tawrie, it’s lovely to meet you. Let me give the kids a shout.’ She popped her head around the bottom of the winding staircase. ‘Bear, Dills! Tawrie is here! Please come through.’ She ushered them into the open-plan sitting room with steps that led down to the kitchen. ‘We’re still not quite straight, please don’t look at the random boxes or piles of clothes waiting to find a home.’
‘Oh goodness me, Harriet, please don’t worry about that. We live with my mother-in-law just further down the hill and I’ve been there for nearly ten years and the place is in chaos! I’m still unpacking!’
Harriet liked her voice, her calm manner, her kindness.
‘What do you like doing, Tawrie?’ The girl was shy, her eyes cast downward and her shoulders hunched forward.
‘I like the beach.’ She was sweet, young for her age.
‘And how lucky are you, having so many beautiful beaches right on your doorstep!’
Bear and Dilly burst into the room and she watched Tawrie slink back towards her mother, as if the woman herself was a safe harbour.
