‘“I found out it was Daniel Gunn...Shock doesn’t come close. How my heart aches for sweet Annalee, and for Dan too, the handsome man. I feel for his family, his kind mother, and most of all for that little girl, Tawrie, whose daddy is not going to come home.”’She looked up as Tawrie sobbed, covering her face with her hands. ‘“Tonight, it’s as if the whole town weeps...but no one will ever weep as hard or as long as Annalee, the woman with the sparkle in her eye, as she walked with her arm linked with that of the man she so loved. I shan’t ever forget her happy, happy face, a woman who looked like she had the whole world at her feet and was loving every second of it. How I envied her and how I envy her still, knowing that the strength of feeling she will carry in her heart is something I can only dream of...”’
Harriet paused to let the news settle for both her and Tawrie, wanting the girl to know the joy her parents felt in each other’s company, a joy that she wished for her and Bear. Also to allow her silent thanks to flow to Charles, who right about that moment was probably fretting over what to make for supper. Her beloved husband, with whom she had the whole world at her feet and loved every second of their life together.
‘“I hope they find Daniel Gunn. I hope they get to lay him to rest and say their goodbyes. I hope his daughter finds peace, safe in the knowledge that her parents adored each other and that she was made in love...”’
‘I was made in love.’ Tawrie sniffed. ‘They loved each other so much!’
‘Yes.’ Harriet reached across the table and held her arm. ‘I only saw her one time after and she looked very different. She’d got old and frail and hollow and broken overnight. And to me that was as desperately sad as the loss of your father.’
She looked towards the wide sash window and took in her reflection, remembering that when she’d sat here among the ruins of her marriage, she too had been frail, hollow, broken. But not any more; she had survived. She had come out the other side stronger.
‘It’s hard to think that the woman is my ... my mum.’ Tawrie wiped her face on her sleeve. ‘She’s been ...’ Her mouth moved but the words wouldn’t come. ‘... different to that.’
‘I think you’ve probably had two mums. The one before she lost Daniel and the one that came after. I know my kids would probably say the same about me. The old me when my marriage failed and the me now, different.’
Tawrie nodded and sniffed, her words coasting on stuttered breath.
‘I’ve thought for the longest time that, erm, that my dad, might have gone out to deliberately ... to, erm ...’ Another sheet ofdistress covered her face. ‘That maybe my mum had, because of her behaviour, her issues, driven him to go out on his boat, to stash his watch and wallet and ...’ She couldn’t voice it.
Harriet shook her head vigorously. ‘God, no! I only met your mother properly once, but I saw them together countless times. They were oblivious to the rest of the world, deeply devoted is how I would have described them and how I heard them described by people who knew them better than me.’
‘It’s a wonderful thing for me to know, a relief. My nan had told me they were happy, but she sugar-coats everything for me, always has. I thought she was just painting me a picture.’
‘We do that when we try to protect our kids. I know when we moved here and I was doing my best to find a way forward with Hugo, I was always beaming at the kids, trying to sell them the idea that everything was going to be grand, as if I could make it so just by saying it enough. But I now know that honesty is everything, truly. And finding something that’s yours alone and brings you joy, something you do just for you. For me it’s my garden. My little haven where I can escape the noise, the clutter, the kids. I have very boisterous teenage twins.’ Just the mention of her boys was enough to fill her with a desperate longing to see them, hold them. She couldn’t wait to get home.
‘Yes, Ed said.’ Tawrie took a deep breath and seemed to settle. ‘I swim, that’s my thing.’
‘Yes, Bear said.’ They exchanged a smile. ‘Where do you swim?’
‘Down at Hele Bay Beach, every morning from March to September and sometimes in the winter too if it’s a fine day. It started off as a way to clear my head, get my thoughts straight. I was sick of tootling along in the middle lane – just about coping with life, you know?’
‘I do.’ It was easy to recall sitting at this very table knowing she was only just keeping her head above water.
‘But now it’s so much more than that. I love being in the sea. It revitalises me like nothing else. There’s something extraordinary about being that close to nature, submerged in it quite literally. I swim with two of my friends and today we saw a school of dolphins leaping out of the water, so close I felt I could have touched them. I won’t ever forget it. It’s not the first time I’ve seen them, but all leaping and so close, like they were putting on a show.’
The young woman’s eyes sparkled.
‘Your family must be so proud of you, Tawrie, and I don’t mean that to sound patronising; you’re an exceptional girl.’
Tawrie laughed nervously. ‘Don’t know about that. My cousin might not be talking to me!’
‘Why?’
‘I’m joking, she will be, but I just quit my job in her café. I need to go find what I really want to do and working for her was preventing me from doing that.’
‘It sounds like a smart move.’ She smiled. ‘Exciting.’
‘This last month has been a time of reckoning, made me think about everything. What I do know is that I need to set a path and walk it, and second, my dad probably thought he had all the time in the world, but life’s short, isn’t it?’
‘It is. But don’t be hard on yourself, Tawrie. You lost your dad in the most brutal fashion and it tore your family apart, that’s hard for anyone to deal with, let alone a little girl. The fact that you’re upright and fantastic and functioning is, I think, remarkable.’
‘Thank you. Thank you, Harriet.’
It was a day, it seemed, for high emotion, as she too grappled with the desire to sob. What a fool she had been to let her past dictate her present, especially when she really did have it all.
‘So, I guess the final question I have, and please don’t think I’m interfering, but what happens now for you and Bear?’
Tawrie looked out towards the window, her response considered. ‘I told him he was weak and I called him a liar. I was hurt and wanted to hurt him.’
