‘Everything, every single aspect of your life will require small adjustments, or sometimes big adjustments. It can make you feel panicked: what happens if he gets sick? Supposing I drop him? Is he hungry? Too hot, too cold? How can I go to the loo with a baby, make a cup of tea with a baby? How will I remember it all – the feeding, the bum-changing, the bathing, the sleep routine? All of it can seem overwhelming, but youwillremember it all and you do get through it, and he’ll help you.’ She looked towards the little boy who slept soundly in the bassinet by the side of the bed. ‘He’ll give you clues, make noises, pull faces, and steer you. And if you forget to change his bum one time or he doesn’t feed for long enough, or he cries a lot one day, or sleeps a lot the next, that’s okay. It’s all okay. You’ll figure it out together, but youwillfigure it out and one day you’ll wake up without that feeling of panic, without worryingabout getting it right, without rushing to check on him if he hasn’t murmured. You won’t fret about making a mistake or worrying what you’ve missed, you’ll just mother him, and it will all feel like second nature. But it takes a while.’
‘Thank you.’ Cleo meant it. The nurse’s words had helped. She couldn’t wait for that day when it all felt like second nature.
‘All set?’ Georgie loped in with the car seat in his hand.
‘Nearly.’ She smiled.
‘I told Bernie when I called earlier that I was worried about putting the baby in the car seat, I don’t want to squash him or pinch his skin.’ He pulled a face. ‘He said, “Be brave, son.” He called meson!’
‘That’s nice.’ She knew how a crumb of acceptance from her parents could make you glow, and it bothered her, noting how her family also held her husband in their palm, handing out compliments that felt like gold. Did she really want her little one to grow up like this too? The thought of moving to Ilfracombe again flew into her head. She pictured walking the harbour with their baby boy, away from it all ... It was what she wanted, no doubt. A new start, a new life, a whole new world at the seaside. ‘And don’t worry, it’s normal to feel a bit overwhelmed, Georgie. Every aspect of our life will require small adjustments or big adjustments, but we’ll figure it out.’ Cleo smiled at the nurse who bustled out of the room.
‘I guess so. This is it, Cleo, his first day on the planet! And we’re off to introduce him to his family! I’m so excited. Scared, but excited too.’
‘Me too.’
‘And did they say when we could, you know?’ He winked. ‘When it would be okay to—’
‘Georgie, are you seriously asking me about sex when we haven’t even left the hospital?’
‘No!’ He shook his head. ‘Not at all. No way.’ He tutted. ‘But if you had to guess ...’
She reached over and batted him with her hand. ‘Don’t listen to your daddy! He’s paying no heed to what is best for me and only thinking of his own selfish needs.’ She spoke mockingly to their son who slept soundly.
‘I’m a daddy!’ George shook his head.
‘You are, my darling.’ Joy burst from her, as she packed up her bag ready to go home.
Georgie drove like a man delivering fresh eggs over cobbles, but finally, he pulled up in front of her parents’ house. It was odd to think it would be full of the people who, only the night before, she had eaten dinner with in the Italian restaurant. Incredible how much life could change in just a few short hours. Now parked on the driveway, she took her time unbuckling her seatbelt. It was a small disappointment that her stomach still looked as if she was yet to give birth. She’d seen enough social media posts of women posing in skinny jeans and whipping up a carrot cake only minutes after the umbilical cord had been cut to figure it might at least have gone down a little. Not that she really cared if she carried this tummy for the rest of her days – her incredible body had grown her a baby and she would forever feel indebted to it.
Her bones felt soft, her muscles tired, her thoughts a little fuddled, but her heart was twice the size and bursting with more love than she knew it could contain for the little boy who was hers. For the thousandth time she stared at his tiny face, sleeping soundly in the carry chair, right next to her on the back seat of Georgie’s car, the one with chicken nuggets nestling under thefront seat, still quite unable to believe that he was for keeps. The prospect thrilled and petrified her in equal measure. Yes, it was going to be just as much fun as she’d planned, but where was the manual? Sweet Jesus, she’d spent the best part of a month getting to grips with the new carpet steamer, studying the instructions, testing it, dismantling it, and pondering over the attachments, some of which she’d still not been brave enough to try out. There had even been online tutorials! Yet here she was with a tiny human, a tiny human with needs and she didn’t really have the first clue.
‘We can do this, baby. We’ll figure it out together.’
‘Are you okay?’ Georgie opened the back door and ran his hand over her face. It might have been her imagination, but she was sure the way he looked at her was a little different; his expressions had always been ones of love, but now he gazed at her as if he had seen an angel. And she understood, knowing that how she felt about him was also magnified: they had done something wondrous together, created this little life. This achievement seemed to amplify their love.
‘I’m fine.’ She smiled her widest to reassure him. ‘Just a bit sore, bit achy, bit like my bones are made of chalk and my muscles glass – tired, but fine!’
‘Oh, mate, you did so well. I can’t believe he’s ours!’ He blinked away the tears that he’d been crying since their son had been placed in his arms for the first time.
‘Remember the plan, Georgie.’ She needed him to focus. ‘We have a quick cup of tea, we let everyone meet the little fella and then we go home, unplug the phone, board up the windows, triple lock the door and keep the world out for a few days, got it?’
‘Got it!’ he agreed, before kissing her hard on the mouth.
‘And who knows, in those few days, we may decide to pack up and make a break for north Devon, never to return!’
Georgie laughed as if she were joking and she wondered how to press the idea as it grew, quite fancying the thought of starting over, away from the Kelleway shadow, to live in the sun ...
‘I love you. I can’t believe what you just did, you’re bloody Wonder Woman!’
‘I know and I love you. And yes, I am bloody Wonder Woman, although I might need a month or two to get back in my costume. Now, go get the baby out of the other side, I think they know we’re here.’
No sooner had she spoken than the sound of squealing could be heard. Instantly she doubted the wisdom of making this detour on the way home, but it was far too late to do anything about it now. Bracing herself for the attention, she looked towards the house as her parents and Lawrence came out on to the driveway. She had already clocked her sister-in-law’s Mini parked out front, glad that Julie was here to meet her new nephew.
‘Oh my goodness, oh my!’ Her mum was crying, her dad too, as they clung to each other. Lawrence looked somewhat bewildered and unusually a little heavy around the eyes, like he hadn’t slept. Still, he presented his usual suave, slick, coordinated and groomed exterior that told the world he was living his best life, although he was unshaven and his happy expression was, she noted, a little forced. She figured he must have hit the sauce after they’d left for the evening.
She watched as Georgie slowly lifted their newborn from the car and her parents crowded around. The expression on her mum’s face was one that she hadn’t seen for the longest time. It was the same look Winnie had given Lawrence at the end of the school day, her whole demeanour lit up, her face beaming. It made her feel powerful, excited, and accepted.So this is what it feels like... She couldn’t deny it felt good!
‘Look at him! Just look!’ Winnie shook her head at the utter delight of her grandson, and this Cleo more than understood. Slowly she climbed from the back seat, tensing and leaning on the open door until she felt steady on her feet. As Georgie spirited their son inside, flanked by Lawrence and her dad, she felt a strange gripping anxiety ripple through her as her baby was taken out of sight. A sensation that was both new and unexpected.
