‘I can’t serve coffee without chocolates, not tonight.’ Winnie looked downward, as if the sky was about to fall in, and still it amazed Julie that this was the case; the small details, the tiny touches upon which her mother-in-law’s happiness or displeasure were hung.
‘I’ll go pick some up.’ Lawrence clapped. ‘No problem. Won’t take me a minute.’
‘No.’ Julie stood, reminding her husband that he’d had a drink and couldn’t drive and relishing the thought of escaping the family for a wee while. ‘I’ll go.’
‘Are you sure, Jules?’ Winnie cocked her head to one side.
‘Absolutely.’
‘Precious girl.’ Winnie smiled at her.
‘Yup.’ Julie grabbed her bag and fished in it for the keys before closing the front door and not for the first time that night, breathing in the cooling night air. She took a moment as she sat in the car, appreciating the quiet, the solitude. A quick glance in the rear-view mirror and she ran her finger along the dark shadows of fatigue that sat beneath her eyes, as if proof of her insomnia were needed.
‘What are you going to do, Jules?’ she whispered. ‘What the hell are you going to do?’
It was an easy drive to the parade of shops a couple of roads away. Having parked the car, she went inside the convenience store, grabbing a basket, into which she put a carton of milk and Cassian’s favourite sugary cereal, knowing they were low on both. The box of chocolates she lobbed on top and went to the till.
The girl behind the counter chewed gum and had the look of disdain that Julie recognised as the one her daughter used, suspecting that this young lady, too, resented working on a Friday night.
‘D’you need a bag?’ the girl asked as she scanned the three items.
‘No, thank you.’ Julie held her phone case in her hand, in which her credit and bank cards were secreted. No matter how relieved she’d been to get out of the house, the errand still irritated her a little.
‘Eight pounds sixty-three.’ The girl chewed her gum and looked into the middle distance.
Without too much thought, Julie held out her credit card to the contactless pay machine. Nothing happened. The girl picked up the terminal and held it out. ‘Could you try again, please?’
Again, she held the card against the reader and this time it beeped.
‘Your card’s been rejected.’ The girl stared at her.
‘Oh.’ Julie felt the hot swarm of embarrassment snake over her. She had suspected this might happen one day, but not yet and certainly not tonight. She’d believed Lawrence when he’d told her that things were in hand and that she didn’t have to worry. To worry hadn’t entered her head, so distracted was she by the whole anniversary palaver. ‘Sorry, it’s probably me. I’ll try this one.’ She gave a small laugh, trying to defuse the situation, and held up her bank card, which also failed to make the payment.
‘Maybe try inserting it? Maybe it’s the contactless thing playing up?’ The girl vigorously rattled the terminal, which, whilst Julie was not an IT expert, she suspected might do more harm than good. The girl’s tone suggested more than a whiff of impatience.
Julie put her card into the terminal and bashed in her PIN with a sinking feeling in her gut that fed a rising state of panic.
‘I’m sorry. Your card has been refused; it says you need to contact your bank.’ She popped gum against the roof of her mouth.
‘I ... I don’t know why that is.’ She felt the spread of humiliation, aware now of the two or three people behind her in the queue who seemed to be equal parts impatient and captivated.
‘I’ll pay cash, that’ll be easier! Technology and I are not good together!’ She shook her head and felt her gut roll as she pulled her purse from the depths of her ivory-coloured Mulberry bag and reached for the emergency stash of money she had hidden there for just such an occurrence. Turning to the small gathering behind her she painted on a big smile. ‘I’m so sorry to keep you all waiting!’
They ignored her, apart from one guy who jutted his chin and shook his head, but the fact that he was holding only beer eased her guilt. He could wait.
As quickly as she was able, she unzipped the purse and felt her stomach drop to her boots. It was empty. That couldn’t be right! She put her fingers inside it and wiggled them around, despite knowing that any notes could not hide.
‘Oh!’ She felt the breath leave her lungs.He’s taken the cash. He’s taken the bloody cash ...
‘I’m so sorry. I’ll have to, erm, I’ll have to pop back with my other purse.’ She spoke through lips sticky with nerves. ‘Would you like me to put these things back on the shelf?’ she offered, wanting nothing more than to leave as quickly as possible and with zero intention of returning. Ever.
‘No, you’re okay. I’ll do it later.’ The girl shoved the items out of sight behind the counter and yelled, ‘Next!’
Her feet felt leaden, as she took the heavy, slow steps from the shop with what felt like all eyes on her back. Her desire to cry was strong, but she would not. Not here. With trembling fingers, she pulled out the car keys and climbed into the leather driver’s seat.He took my cash... The thought rattled around her head.He took my bloody cash...
‘Eh, love!’ The beer man she recognised from the queue yelled through the window. ‘You must have a spare couple of quid laying around in that Mercedes, eh?’ He chuckled, and she clamped her teeth together. The temptation to wind down the window and shout at him was strong, but what would she say?
‘No, mate, no cash in here. It’s a flash car, that’s true, but it’s leased, and we owe money on it. In fact, we are about to lose our house. We’re flat broke! I can’t even buy a pint of fucking milk and a box of chocolates! Not that we can admit to my husband’s family that we are in this shitty position again! Oh yes, we’ve been here before. Had to run away from Australia where we loved life, just to avoid my husband’s debts catching up with us! And we were only there because we were running away from debt here! It’s laughable really. And you know what? I envy someone that drives a shitty saloon that he owns outright, because in a few weeks, he will still have his shitty saloon and we won’t have a car at all!’
