WARREN
I avoid sleep,don’t dare shut my eyes.
Visions of her panicked expression when she found me on New Year’s Day still infest my brain. I could’ve hurt her. I’ve survived off a few hours’ sleep for years, choosing exhaustion over the nightmares. Yet, when her gentle touch lifted me from the dark haze while she lay next to me, I slept better than I had in a long time.
It would be so easy to allow myself the same luxury again.
But also selfish.
Which is why I lie awake in agony while watching her sleep peacefully in my arms.
I can’t understand it. Why does she want me?
It can’t be the same want coursing through my body like running lava. There’s no burn, though. Her presence soothes my hidden scars, and her kisses have the ability to revive me.
We allowed ourselves one more selfish act before finally putting our restless feelings to sleep, once and for all.
I look around her bedroom. Compared to my lifeless house, this is a mansion. Not of size, but of life. In a short time, she’sfilled it with such warmth and character, it would be easy to stay here forever.
I lay a kiss on her cheek and unravel myself from her soft body. My movements are careful and quiet, or so I thought.
“You’re leaving?” A drowsy voice stops me in my tracks.
If I look at her, I’ll stay and want her kisses again. Kisses I’ve no right to claim as my own.
“I need to go to the firehouse.” It’s somewhat of a lie. “Go back to sleep. It’s late.”
The covers rustle behind me, and she makes a sweet, contented noise. Swayed by temptation, I risk a glance at her. Blue eyes peek out from the top of the comforter, her hair mussed from sleep.
Perfection.
“Thank you for bringing me to bed.” Her voice is muffled. “I thought I’d be too heavy to carry.”
I’d carry the world on my shoulders for you.
“If you ever need a lift, call me,” I joke. “I’ll lock up behind me. Sweet dreams, Harriet.”
I’m bending down to gather my shoes when an airy whisper floats across the room, filled with far too much confidence than I deserve. “You’re already that man, Warren. You’re deserving of happiness as much as anyone else. I wish you saw that.”
The truth burns my throat. “I’m trying, but I’m…”Scared.
Harriet reads what I’m not saying. “Life is scary. This is scary. If I let fear dictate my actions, I wouldn’t have left home after college and moved halfway across the country. I wouldn’t have met my amazing friends or found the courage to chase my dream. I wouldn’t be here with you. Fear doesn’t have to holds us back, Warren.” She closes her eyes and nestles farther into the bed. “Maybe it’s what drives us forward.”
Harriet’s words echo in my head, drowning out the radioon my way to the firehouse. I tell myself it’s because it’s closer than my house. It’s what I always tell myself. There are no surprised faces from the crew on shift tonight when I walk through the engine bay.
Springs dig into my spine, a draft coming from the window as I settle into a bunk. The truth is, when Harriet invited herself over to my house, it wasn’t because it’s messy or uninhabitable that I declined. It’s because I’ve hardly slept there in almost two years, either choosing this very bed at the station, or my parents’ or Marcus and Diana’s guestroom.
Forward. Fear can drive us forward.
After years of being frozen and wanting nothing out of my small circle and job, I want to drag myself from my stagnant state. If not for me, for her. Or maybe for both of us.
“Lookslike our time is almost up.”
My eyes cut to the clock on the wall, surprised to see my hour session with Kevin is nearly over.
“Time flies when you’re…” I offer my therapist a tight-lipped grimace.
He smirks. “Forced to attend therapy against your will?”
