He sighs. “It doesn’t work like that, and you know it. He’ll give us his honest feedback onceyou’ve completedallsessions. He won’t disclose anything you’re not comfortable with.”
“Good thing I’m uncomfortable with it all then.” My joke falls flat.
The corners of his mouth dip. “Are you taking it seriously? We’ve done this dance before. You stick to the rules for a few months and then go back to your old ways, taking risks and undermining decisions because you think you know best.”
“Those risks save lives.” I roll my shoulders. “I’ve never put any of my team in danger.”
“No, just yourself.”
I’m not a rule breaker. The line between life and death is too fragile, but we’re also taught to use our initiative and preserve life. If that means tiptoeing that same line, I’ll do what’s necessary.
Failure can happen gradually or in a split second. Neither option is acceptable.
“Listen, I just wanted to make sure you’re making use of your time with Doctor Brunswick. The last thing I want is to see?—”
“Me fired. You and me both.” I sigh. “I’m taking it seriously. The guy has a knack for saying nothing yet getting me to say more than I have in years. I want to get back to duties, Marcus. Ineedto.”
“It’s good you’re speaking to him.” Marcus considers me. “Does Harriet know?”
Like a damn dog, my ears perk up at her name. “She knows about the suspension.”
“And everything else?”
I’m silent.
Disbelief paints his face. “Warren, you need to tell her. She’s a huge part of your life, and she’s going to find out eventually.”
“No,” I snap. The arms of the chair groan under my vise-like grip. “You don’t get to do that. Harriet isn’t some chess piece you can use to manipulate me.”
He recoils. “Manipulate? Fuck. You know damn well that’s not the case. But c’mon, man. Before she came into your life, you were a ghost, barely living. I hated taking you off duty, but you left me with no other choice. I’m tired of this cycle, where it seems like I’ve got my old friend back before you start to throw yourself in harm’s way.” He leans forward, hands planted on the table. “What are you trying to prove? You’re a fantastic firefighter, a brilliant mentor to the newbies, but you seem so adamant about tempting fate.”
“And what does Harriet have to do with this?”
“Because she’s the one bringing you back from the brink!” He raises his voice before inhaling sharply. Marcus is never one to lose his cool. “When you first told me about the pregnancy, I was positive this would be your undoing. Instead, it’s the best thing to happen to you. You have to open up to her. I know you hate talking about the past but it doesn’t change anything. Do not take this for granted, or you risk losing her.”
“Enough,” I grit, standing abruptly. “She isn’t mine to lose. All that matters is she and the baby are cared for. I’m doing that—or trying to. She’s not my wife or girlfriend, and what goes on here isn’t her concern or something she even cares about. End of the conversation.”
He remains seated, watching me like askittish animal ready to break loose from its enclosure. “I don’t think you’re giving her enough credit.”
“What do you mean?”
He jerks a shoulder. “I heard you. At Christmas. I thought the nightmares had stopped. I was about to check on you when I watched Harriet go into your room. Ben said she didn’t emerge until the morning.”
God, I want to punch him. “And your point is?”
“Those are not the intentions of a woman who is simply there as the mother of your child. Neither of you expected to cross paths like this; doesn’t mean it can’t lead somewhere.”
Disaster is where it’ll lead.
If I don’t leave this office, I’ll have to call my sister and explain why her husband is sporting a black eye. Thankfully, a knock on the door saves the integrity of his face.
One of the probies pokes their head around the door. “There’s someone here to see you.”
I turn to my friend, my anger slowly fading. It never lasts long with him. Like an old fucking married couple, all we need is space. “Better get out there.”
“Um, not for the captain. For you, O’Connor.”
My head snaps toward the newcomer. “Me?”
