“It’s a beautiful name.”
“I never got to feel him kick.” My throat tightens, forcing my next words out through gritted teeth. “I failed him. Before he was born, I failed him.”
I’m tugged into a warm embrace, my face veiled by long waves of blonde hair as the first sob breaks free. I try to keep my weight off her, but the heaviness from my confession crushes my chest until I’m sure it’ll cave inward.
“No. No.” Harriet’s gentle voice finds its way through the jagged edges of my heart. “No, baby. You didn’t. What happened was out of your control. You need to see that, Warren. Please.”
Once the floodgate opens, years of unspoken remorse and heartbreak choke me as I tell Harriet everything.
She never stops holding me.
I tell her how Alison’s family wouldn’t look at me during the funeral.
How I forced myself back to work and ended up smashing up the kitchen in a fit of rage.
Of the nights I would sleep outside Carson’s unfinished nursery and cry myself to sleep, only to be woken by the nightmares.
“He deserved better than me,” I gasp. “They both did. And so do you?—”
“No.” Harriet’s sharp tone cracks through the air. Delicate hands frame my soaked cheeks. “No, Warren. The pain you’re feeling is real, and I will never judge you for how you’ve learned to cope with it. I’m so proud of you for coming out the other side and for putting in the work to help yourself, but I will not sit by and listen to you tell me what I deserve.”
A deep rumble echoes through the wind, followed by a dim flash of light.
“You could’ve chosen a different path when I told you I was pregnant, but you didn’t. You shoved your fears and feelings aside and showed up.” Her shaky exhale blows across my face. “You fought so hard to be present and supportive. I know it’s been a long fight, baby, and I’m so sorry you’ve tried to do it alone all these years, but I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere.”
Rose-scented kisses brush away the tears. I tug Harriet onto my lap, off the cold, damp grass, and hold her to me, ignoring the pain in my ribs. I feel weightless with her in my arms and her words replaying in my head.
I’m not going anywhere.
A fear that’s paralyzed me for months.
“We’re a team, Warren, and I’m telling you, you’re enough.” Harriet presses my hand to her stomach. The connection washes away the deep-seated pain. “You’re everything we deserve, and when our son or daughter is old enough, I won’t need to remind them how brave and devoted their father is, because you’ll show them every day of their lives. They’ll know about their big brother Carson and how he’s watching over them.”
A part of me will always remain broken, but the ease with which Harriet speaks his name, adoration lacing her words, patches an age-old crack in my heart.
I press my face into her neck, breathing her in. “I sentenced myself to a lifetime of loneliness, convinced this is the path fate had planned for me. Yet, the second you walked into my life, the need to torture myself lessened.” Beautiful eyes meet mine as I pull away, needing her to see the determination in my expression. “I spent so long picking up the fractured pieces, trying to repair what’s left of my soul, when loving you was what I needed. I’m still not whole, Harriet, but I want to behappy, to make you happy. I’ll devote the rest of my life to loving you.”
Clothes soaked through and covered in mud aren’t how I planned this, but love doesn’t need to be spoken under perfect circumstances or romantic fronts.
Love is raw and real and limitless.
“I love you, sweetheart,” I repeat over and over until I’m breathless.
She smiles at me, my girl with a heart pure as gold. “I will love you through anything, whole or not. There isn’t any journey I see myself starting without you, and I’ll be right by your side through this one.”
We stay there, holding one another until the first drop of rain falls.
As effortlessly as breathing, she brought me back to life, and I’ll spend the rest of it loving her. Loving them both. She dragged me out of the hell I’d built for myself. The journey isn’t over, and maybe I’ll always travel a broken path, but to find a partner to help carry the load when it gets too heavy makes the first daunting step easier.
My Harriet.
My salvation.
My love.
SIXTY
HARRIET
