“What do you mean,especiallynot me?”
He tugged me closer to his chest and it helped the tremors ease a little. “Our emotions get heightened the longer we wait, so if you feel anxious, it will get worse than usual.”
That was all the warning I needed. Whatever mating involved, I wouldn’t be able to survive feeling worse than I usually did. In Nolen’spresence I didn’t feel any negative feelings, but maybe even he couldn’t stop my anxiety if we waited too long.
“Okay, then,” I replied, getting up on unsteady feet and finding my suitcase. I hadn’t used it since I moved into the dorm, but it would fit my laptop and clothes just fine. Did they even have the internet in his world? Electricity? I’d told Juno to pack Remi’s and he had, so I figured that meant they did, or could make it, maybe. “Wait, you said a week?”
He gave me a patient smile, warming me up from the inside. “Yes. The rulers said you’d likely need a week before returning.” Would that mean I would return without Nolen? Just the thought of him not coming with me… Nolen’s hand grabbed mine and I was soon engulfed in the best hug I’d ever had. It was also theonlyhug I ever remembered getting. It was nice. “I felt your unease. Do you not wish to go?”
“You said I could return after a week, but what about you?” I was glad he couldn’t see my face, as it was currently smushed into his warm chest.
“I’ll be wherever you are, darling. Don’t worry. We won’t be apart.”
I sighed with relief. I wouldn’t be able to let Nolen go ever again. It would be like removing a part of myself. How I ever survived without him was a mystery.
“I’m good now.” I stepped out of his comforting embrace, knowing we didn’t have the time. Even if I never wanted to stop touching him. My shaking body was uncomfortable, but I couldn’t stay plastered to Nolen’s chest forever either. “Can you grab some pants from my closet over there?” I pointed and he got to work. I picked out underwear andsocks, purposely not packing any of my shirts. I wanted every excuse I had to borrow Nolen’s.
Nolen told me why he was here as we drove toward the portal. Their world was dying, or their magic, I wasn’t really sure which yet. I felt like I could keep asking him question after question, so I let some things slide until I could ask again later. All I knew was that they needed to find a world that they could inhabit if their own world died. And when Juno had found Remi, it had started a mate search for the other people in Nolen’s team. His friend Mint had found his mate too, only hours before I’d met Nolen myself. He didn’t know why they had mates here, but he assured me that their rulers were looking into it.
I looked outside at the trees we passed. Was I eager to travel through a magical portal? Not so much. But my entire being trusted Nolen, so I knew I was where I needed to be. Even if a part of me felt wrong to be leaving my world. I would be back in a week, and Nolen would be beside me. Likely forever.
“Are you feeling okay?” Nolen asked me.
We’d driven in silence for a while, probably because he could sense I needed a breather. I was still shaking and it only seemed to be getting worse. But why would he ask how I was feeling? Was it a way to be polite? I had to remember he came from another world. Maybe they did things differently. I’d asked about which language they used and he told me they all spoke the same language as me, as in no other language. It sounded amazing, being able to talk to anyone in his world no matter where they lived. But also, kind of empty, in a way. I liked hearing people speak different languages, even if I couldn’t understand them. It was sort of beautiful. Nolan didn’t have that.
“I thought you could sense my feelings?” I finally asked, feeling too curious to just lie and say yes.
“Sometimes,” he replied. “It’s still new to me, and not all mates feel the others’ emotions before fully mating. I don’t know if it’s because your emotions are stronger than usual, or if it’s just how it is between us. Can you feel my emotions?”
I guess what he said made sort of sense, so I tried tuning into him, seeing if I could somehowfeelhim. I released a sigh of defeat. “No, I don’t feel anything.”
“You will after we’ve mated. And it will only get stronger with time.” I liked the thought of that. Being so connected to someone else. I always found that fascinating. How, for example twins could be so in tune with one another. But then again, I’d always found twins interesting.
Nolen let out a low chuckle. “You should see how my parents are, always so in sync. I guess you’ll see soon. But they live hours away from where we’re headed, so we get some alone time before you have to meet them.”
Oh, my goodness. I had to meet his parents. What if they didn’t like me? What if they asked me to stay away from Nolen? No one would want their son to be mated to someone as broken as me.
“Shit! Hey, darling. It’s okay.” He grabbed my hand, eyeing me and the road with confusion. “What happened?” He’d felt my emotions again.
“Your parents,” I admitted. It was so weird talking about meeting the parents with someone I hadn’t known for more than a few hours.
“They’re nice. You’ll like them.” He thoughtthatwas my problem?!
“But will they likeme?” I hated how small my voice sounded, but we would soon leave my world. A bit of unease was normal, all things considered.
“Of course, they will, darling. You’re my other half, remember that. You’re a part of me, exactly what I need. They’ll love you.”
I felt tears starting to form and averted my gaze to the forested area outside instead. The thought of someone loving me… I’d never been loved. I knew mother didn’t love me, and never had. She’d paid babysitters to deal with me, only caring about my education whenever she called. Again, I didn’t even know where she lived anymore.
“I don’t want you to meet my mother,” I said, breaking the silence that followed his sweet words. My mother didn’t deserve to meet someone as wonderful as Nolen. There was also the fear of how Nolen would take hertreatment of me. Would he see me differently if he knew how damaged I was? How expensive I was. I needed medication and a psychologist on speed dial just to function. The feeling of hurt took over my body and it took me way too long to figure out it wasn’t my own feelings, but Nolen’s.
“You don’t want your family to meet me?”
If I couldn’t feel the hurt, I could hear it in his voice.
I needed to fix this immediately. “My mother doesn’t love me.” Was what I figured would explain enough, but his silence made me continue. “I don’t even know where she lives. She only texts me to check in on my school grades. I selfishly don’t want to share you with her like that. You’re the first good thing that has ever happened to me.” With so many admissions out, it was hard to stop myself. “I think that’s why I’m so okay with all of this. Because foronce,I’m experiencing something good, you know? I feel…happy. And I haven’t felt that before. Not really.”
I wiped my eyes and felt another strong emotion from Nolen, this time grief. And a bit of anger. I wouldn’t dare read too much into it, too afraid I’d somehow get it wrong and end up projecting mixed emotions, causing both of us to feel the brunt of it.
