Tears pricked the backs of my eyes so suddenly, it scared me. I took in a deep breath, looked around the table, stopped at March.
“March,” I whispered, the need to say his name coming at me out of nowhere, fueled by the sudden panic.
He turned slowly, looked at me like he would rather be looking at anything else.
The gears in my stomach steamed in complaint.
“You ready to answer my question?” he said, without an ounce of hesitation, without batting an eye.
“I—” I shook my head—nowwas not the time to talk about his stupid question!
To him, though, it was. “Then there’s nothing for us to talk about.”
With that, he returned to his food, and didn’t look at me again.
Meanwhile I felt like I’d just swallowed a sack of rocks. Angry because he rejected me, ignored me, refused to talk to me, and hurt and desperate and disappointed for the same reasons, too.
I felt so much so suddenly, I feared my ribcage was going to break.
“What’s the fourth trial going to be like?” Anika asked after a moment. “Your Highness.”
“Yes. If we did so well and already gathered so much Sparetime, maybe you can tell us how to win the last trial faster,” said Reggie. “Your Excellency.”
“Oh, but I cannot do that! That would be cheating!” The queen laughed.
Silas choked like he just swallowed something wrong. Reggie slammed his fist against his back to help with whatever was stuck in his throat.
“Oh, bless your soul, little ticker. Drink some water, will you?” said the queen. “Anyhour. What matters is that I have faith you will all complete the final trial as well, and win. Just as easily as the first three.”
Except none of the trials had been easy. They’d taken so much from us, had stripped us near bare.
“You’ve earned so much already,” she continued, as if she’d heard the thoughts in my head. “Your Life Clocks are full, and your hearts are full—and now your bellies are full, too.”
“But the trial—” Levana started.
“And did I mention how much the peoplelovedthe way you work together? Oh, it was so fun to watch!” the queen cut her off.
For the next twenty minutes, she kept us there, practically against our will, and she never once let us speak, but told us all about how great a job we’d done in the trials, going overevents that had been horrifying,traumatizingfor us, like they were the best things she’d ever seen in her life.
When she finally dismissed us, it felt like I’djustfinished a trial now. I was exhausted and my ears rang with her voice, my mind a chaotic mess of thoughts and anger and guilt and worry about the fourth trial, too.
None of the other Hands said anything about meeting up later when Calren saw us to our dorms. And March barely threw a glance my way before he disappeared into his room.
31
Falling asleep was out of the question.
My stomach was as full as it was going to be today. I’d taken my clothes off, had put on my nightgown, and I’d drawn, too—that little device that Master Talik had hidden from me in his workshop. I’d done all I could do to tire myself, and I should have been tired already from the trial alone.
Yet it was almost midnight and I was tossing and turning like the inside of my mind was at war. The battles were indeed bloody.
The truth was simple and I hadn’t once felt it as clearly as I felt it this night: I didn’t want to be alone.
I’d never felt it before because I never was when Jinx was alive. After, there simply wasn’t anyone else in the world I’d rather share my time with.Alonebecame a good thing, especially when I could grieve in peace, cry when I needed to, smile when it felt right without having to have an excuse for it.
Now, though, things had changed.
Now, I knew March existed.
