We were all in this together.
With a nod, Levana looked at me only once before she hurried up the stairs, and by the time I made it to our hallway, she was already in her room.
March was by his door, too, and he waited for me, watched me pass him by, open my door, as if he wanted to make sure that I made it inside safely. I looked at him, too, from the doorway. Said with my eyes what I couldn’t bring myself to say with my mouth.
Things were complicated.
Things were so damn complicated, and I already couldn’t wait for this to be over so I could be free.
March went inside.
I did the same and locked the door behind me.
When we metfor lunch in the eating hall, the others were just as irritated as I was. Resting was out of the question—it was our minds that were buzzing with thoughts. With things that didn’t make sense.
Withlies.
“So, far as I can gather,” Russ said when we were halfway through lunch, “The people here remember what happened in the real Turning Trials, and we don’t.”
“And Silas never meant to cast a curse to destroy the whole realm,” said Cook.
“And we were made to forget because… who even knows,” Anika whispered.
“That’sifwe want to believe a guy who is so out of sync he writes different things with both hands at once,” Seth said. “I don’t know about you, but I don’t particularly believe that he’s well in the head. His gears are all screwed up.” And he tapped his temple.
Tempting. It was tempting to believe what he said, simply because it would make things a whole lot easier.
“We should talk to the queens,” said Mimi, and at least three of us saidnoautomatically, at the same time.
“That’s not a good idea. They are obviously one of the people who are hiding things from us. Lying to us,” March said.
“Thenwho?” asked Russ.
“Nobody. We don’t speak to anybody,” said Erith. “You heard Calren. As soon as we do what they want us to do and unwin the last trial, they’ll let us go. We’ll be free. He said so himself.”
Also tempting to believe, except…I didn’t.
Or rather, I didn’t think that’s what Calren meant when he saidyou’ll be free.
“What if we die?” Anika said in half a voice.
The rest of us looked at our plates, shivered visibly.
“Nobody’s going to die. It’s the last trial. We’ll make sure to keep each other safe,” March said, his voice thick with something heavy.
I looked at his profile where he sat near me, and my heartsqueezed. Imissedhim. My body craved him. I wondered if he would be outside his window when we went back to our rooms.
I wondered if he maybe would come sit outside my door tonight.
The memories of him were there, though very… hazy right now, but they made this needI had for him grow all over me, under my skin, in an instant.
Holy Hour, how I craved him.
“What other choice do we have?” Seth whispered. “We can’t leave. We can’tnotplay in the trial.”
“But we can make sure we survive,” I said before I could help myself. I knew now where this habit of speaking my mind had come from all along—it wasme.Just me, nothing missing, nothing added. I thought and I spoke—normally.As I always had. There was nothing particularly wrong with me, just who I was.
However, realizing that didn’t make me feel any better like I’d hoped.
