“But I’m having so much fun with you, Rainy. You…you’re not fictional, are you? You’re real. You’re more real than anyone I’ve ever met.”
“How can you tell?” I asked.
“The same way I can tell a diamond from a story about a diamond.”
My face turned hot. He smiled at me.
“This is why I was in love with you in high school,” I said.
“And now?”
“No, no, and no,” I said, and perhaps the lady was protesting too much. “Look, hypothetically, even if we did fall in love, we couldn’t ever be together. Rule Number Seven—Real people belong in the real world. Fictional characters belong in works of fiction.”
His brow furrowed and he sat up. “Whose rules?”
“The Book Witches’.”
He shook his head. “Thought witches were a bit freer with their affections than all that. More propaganda, I see.”
“Nope, never dated the devil,” I said. “Or any demons. I had a brief fling with a mildly wicked Coastie, but it wasn’t serious.”
“A Coastie?”
“Coast Guard,” I said. “If you live in Fort Meriwether, Oregon, you are legally required to date a Coastie at some point in your twenties.”
“How about fictional detectives?”
“No, sorry. Strictly verboten.”
“You’re breaking my heart.”
“Don’t worry. When I leave, I’ll put a spell on you to make you forget this ever happened.”
“I won’t allow it.”
“You don’t have any choice.”
“Outrageous,” he said. “I should not be treated like a second-class citizen simply because I don’t exist. Next you’ll be telling me I can’t vote in elections.”
He couldn’t vote in elections—not because he was fictional, but because he was English.
“I don’t make the rules,” I said, holding up my hands. “I just follow them so I won’t get into trouble.”
“Rainy…what’s your last name?”
“March,” I said.
“Rainy March, I want you to listen to me. And you should listen to me because I’m very wealthy, handsome, and highborn, which foolish people mistake for wisdom and authority. But I want you to make that mistake as well, so you’ll bend to my will.”
I was trying very hard not to laugh at him.
“I’m listening,” I said.
“A person who breaks one rule is a rule breaker. A person who breaks all the rules is arebel.” He stroked Koshka’s back like a comic book villain. “Come be a rebel with me, Rainy.”
I crossed my arms and sat up ramrod straight. “No. And give me my cat back. You’re a bad influence.”
He held Koshka to his shoulder like a baby. “Come and get him.”
