Being real sounded like a lot of work.
I clung tight to my umbrella and started forward. Then I stopped and turned to her.
“I’ve never been real before. Any advice?”
Her eyes softened. “Advice on being alive? I’d be a fool to think I could tell anyone how to live their life. But you can always count on Shakespeare.HamletAct 1, Scene Three.To thine own self be true.”
I smiled back at her. “Good advice.”
“You should also know…by the time you get there, I’ll already be gone.”
“Oh. I wanted to say goodbye.”
“Then we’ll say goodbye here,” she said.
Her eyes filled with tears that she seemed too proud to shed. I stepped forward to hug her, but she held up her hand to stop me. If I held her, I realized, she might not be able to let go.
“I’m still mad at you about my mother,” I said instead. “But I really appreciate you giving me a cat and Duke and Pops and a nice house and even the stupid car. And a very cool job. Thank you for everything.”
“My pleasure. And thank you for giving me something I could give the world.”
“You’re welcome.”
“All right. Bye, kid.”
I took a step toward the mirror I’d chosen.
“Rainy?”
“Yes, Maxine?” I said.
“There’s a scene inThrough the Looking-Glasswhere Alice meets the old, feeble White Knight.”
“I know that scene.”
“You know, I always thought ofAlice in Wonderlandas a comedy about how silly and nonsensical it is to be a child. ButLooking-Glass? It’s a tragedy because as crazy and confusing as it is to be a kid…it’sbetter than getting old and dying.” She held up her trembling hands and looked at them. I sensed I was losing her.
“Why are you telling me this, Maxine?” I asked gently.
“Sorry, mind wandering. Getting foggy up here.” She tapped her temples. “Time for me to go through my Looking Glass. Too bad. I was enjoying this life.” She took a breath and seemed to pull herself together. “Sorry, where was I?”
“The White Knight and Alice.”
“Right. The White Knight escorts Alice to the end of his move. Then he gathers his horse’s reins, and as he’s about to leave her, he says, ‘You’ll wait and wave your handkerchief when I get to that turn in the road? I think it’ll encourage me, you see.’ And she does. Alice waves at him and thinks maybe she did encourage him a little.” Maxine laughed at herself, dashing her tears away with her thumbs. “Maybe you’ll wave at me when you go? I think it’ll encourage me. I mean…you’ve never lived before, and I’ve never died before.”
“Let’s wave at each other then,” I said.
“Good idea. You always had such good ideas.”
“Great minds think alike.”
I started again toward the mirror I’d chosen, walking sedately. I’d given up on the idea of making a running start and leaping through the mirror. The risk of cutting myself seemed too great. And really, honestly, I wasn’t quite ready to leave Maxine yet.
When I reached it, I turned back around.
“Did you love me?” I asked her. “I know that’s a stupid question but—”
“I wouldn’t have written all those books about you if I didn’t love you. I did want to shoot you out of a cannon every now and then, but only when the writer’s block hit.”
