“His father’s the biggest fentanyl dealer in western Michigan.”
“I know.”
“And Paul is his right-hand man!”
“Iknow.”
“Okay, then. You’re going to have to help me understand because those reasons alone should be enough to make any sane person run in the opposite direction. He’s dangerous. He’s put more people in the hospital than I can count on my hand.”
“I know, I know,I know!” Her head fell, and she covered her face with her hand.
“Then why, Jaz? And why hide it from me, of all people?”
She lifted her head, upset. “OfcourseI’d hide it from you—for the exact reasons you just listed! Do you think I was looking for this to happen? He’s the last person in town I’d consider hooking up with—”
“But you did.”
“Yeah, I did.”
“Jesus, Jaz. How long has this been going on?”
It took a second to answer. “After you left for Cambridge, before the holidays. You won’t believe me, but it... it hasn’t been easy, since you’ve been gone.”
“Me?”
She nodded. “After your nana died, you went straight to Harvard. It was like... I don’t know. I felt like you were still in the middle of grieving, and I didn’t know how to help you from here, and before I knew it, you didn’t need me anymore. I felt really alone.”
I tried to understand what she was telling me. “So you ran into Paul’s arms?Paul’s?Did you show up at one of his stupid bonfires, or something?”
“Trust me, I never intended any of this to happen. It started innocently. We were at the same party and ended up playing drunk Jenga together—”
I lifted a brow.
She shook her head. “It doesn’t matter. I guess I just saw another side of him that night, and maybe he saw another side of me. He’s... not what he seems.”
“Does he secretly donate all his father’s drug profits to a charity for underprivileged kids?”
She sighed. “Look, I’m not excusing his past behavior, but... I don’t know. He’s had it rough? His father is a horror-story villain, not even joking.”
“Yeah. Big Burg’s prepper compound is dangerous,” I agreed. “Anything could happen to you out there.”
“No,nothingcan happen to me out there because Paul and I are no longer an item. I’ll never go back out there again. Never.”
“You don’t have to convince me. I’m not judging you.”
“Bullshit.”
She had a point. Iwasjudging her. But only because I expected better! Right... ?
“I get it,” she said. “If I were in your shoes, I’d be judging you so hard right now. Paul ruined the Wags.”
“And nearly ruined Seb in the process!”
“Yeah,” she said, nodding slowly. “All of that’s true, and I felt like a Judas the entire time I was seeing him. But for a while there, Paul was the only thing keeping me sane. This gap year? Huge mistake for me. I’ve done absolutelynothingthis year, Paige. Nothing. Meantime, you lost Nana Malone and were still able to finish a year at Harvard.” One shoulder lifted and fell. “I don’t even know what I’m doing anymore. Am I waiting for something? Or trying to enjoy what little freedom I have left before I start my life?”
“You could’ve let me help you figure that stuff out if you’d just talked to me.”
“And when should I have done that, Paige?” she said, a little fire behind her eyes. “Was I supposed to bitch and moan to you ona video call that I was feeling lost and lonely after you’ve broken down crying over Nana Malone?”
