Somewhere on another planet, I heard children’s voices. Tiny ones, laughing. And a dog barking. In a daze, Jane and I disentangled ourselves from each other—an action that felt wrong, wrong,wrong—to find a woman leading a clustered group of toddlers in yellow shorts and matching camp shirts down thewalking path. The kids were trying to pet Frida, who was dragging her leash behind her.
“Oh, Frida, s-shit,” Jane slurred, shaking her head. She tried to take a step and stumbled.
I caught her around her waist. “Upright is good.”
Her cheeks were rosy. “Knees not working.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
Mmm. I was going to need a second to recover, myself. “Who the fuck let Madeline and her boarding school friends out?” I complained. “My mother probably sent them to thwart us.”
“Oh God,” she mumbled as worry lines formed on her forehead.
Shit. Wheels were turning. She was starting to realize what we’d done—starting to think about consequences. “Don’t think about the future,” I begged. “Please.”
This is the best day of my life,I thought, miserable. I wanted her to feel the same way I felt. I wanted her to be happy too.
She let out a quick, labored breath, and the worry lines on her forehead softened. She nodded twice, short little nods, and held my hand. “I’m not thinking.”
Thank the saints.
Wish I could say the same.
Track [20] “I’ll Be Your Mirror”/The Velvet Underground & Nico
Jane
It was only a kiss.It wasn’t as if I’d shot Franz Ferdinand and caused a world war. But when I got back to the lodge and Exie asked me to help her with dinner prep, it sure felt as if I’d done something cataclysmic, or at least irreversible.
What if I couldn’t go back to the way things were? What if I didn’t want to?
I didn’t even mean for it to happen. But when I left the apartment and saw Fen, all of my good sense disappeared. He was starting to have that effect on me. When I was around him, all I was thinking about was the way his mouth always looked like it was hiding a smile, even when he was being dark and acerbic. I’d never known an almost-smile could say so much more than a big smile.
A lot of things I hadn’t known before I ran into Fen Sarafian. He made me question everything.
But one thing I didn’t question was that kiss. It was good. Really good.
How could I see him again and not think about that kiss?
Exie gave me a look and waved a hand in front of me.“What’s happening? What is allthis? You look like a zombie, the way you’re standing around, lost in your own world. Daydreaming in the kitchen can’t be good.”
“I’m not daydreaming in the kitchen,” I mumbled, a little defensive. “I’m just waiting for Velvet. That’s my job, you know. I’m a PA now.”
“Oh?” One brow lifted. “Is there a buy-one-get-one-free couture sale that you’re missing right now? Don’t let me hold you up from your important PA duties.”
Nothing gets by Exie. “She’ll text me when she needs me,” I said. “I think I’m done for the day, anyway.”
Exie ducked into the pantry to pull out a new bottle of olive oil. “Anything else you need to get off your chest?”
“No, nothing,” I said quickly.
She emerged from the pantry to give me a long look but then blinked and gave up. “Fine, then. While you’re not daydreaming or waiting on Velvet, you can help. Carrots—washed, peeled, diced,” she said, adjusting her apron. “Please and thank you.”
Popping in earbuds, I accepted the task with relief. I needed to cool off and get some perspective, I knew that much. Listen to something healing, like Jasmine had talked about. I put on Sigur Rós’sÁgætis Byrjun, but instead of concentrating on work, all I could think about was Fen.
It was just so surprising—that the kissing happened at all. The kiss itself… I couldn’t compare it to another kiss because it was something completely different. It was as if everything elsebefore it was just training and this was the real thing.
