Bring the dog.
Track [18] “Mother Stands for Comfort”/Kate Bush
Jane
Jasmine paused at the doorto the second-floor apartment, key in the lock. “Tell me again what he said exactly.”
I wasn’t very good at “exactly,” especially when it came to words. But I tried to remember what Eddie had told me about getting the apartment. “Ithinkhe said that nothing could happen without your husband’s approval, and that he’d need to smooth things over with him. Or sweet-talk him? That he couldn’t promise me anything, but he’d figure something out? And that it was our little secret.”
Jasmine made a low sound in the back of her throat.
“Have you heard from him?” I asked, sweating a little. “I was hoping maybe you had, since he doesn’t seem to be getting my texts.”
The noise in the back of her throat became a growl.
This wasn’t going well. I’d been walking around in a daze since my night visit to the dam with Fen, unable to process simple commands from Norma. Unable get the scent of him out of my nostrils. I’d memorized the way he felt and how I fit against him. And now my already weird brain had rewired itself to accommodate all of this… newness.
And I was overwhelmed with it. With him. With us. What we were or could be.
How could I go back to this apartment hunting? Eddie had been gone over a week. No reply to my texts, but then again, I stopped trying.
Honestly, I wished I could just think about Eddie the way I used to, before Fen had gunked up my spotless image of him in my mind. The old Eddie was golden and imperfectly perfect—a little dumb, yes, and impossible to pin down, sure. But he had a perfect smile that always cheered me up, and he knew just the right thing to say.
Now I couldn’t conjure that Eddie inside my brain. I kept seeing Eddie the Coke Addict or Eddie the Liar. I didn’t know those Eddies. If I could just have one five-minute phone call with him, maybe I could clear up some of this stuff.
Maybe?
Regardless, I didn’t want to pass up a chance to find out what was going on with him in the Philippines if his mother had some news about him. Mood: torn.
Jasmine was being very patient and kind, and it was hypnotic to be around her—something about her voice or the fresh, floral way she smelled, or her classy pencil skirt. How she smiled at me. It was completely different than my closed-up brick wall of a father or all the busy go-go-go of domestic life at the lodge, with Exie and Starla teasing me. She had all the time in the world, and that was enticing.
Too enticing. I didn’t quite trust it. Maybe because I wasn’tsure I wanted to move in with Eddie anymore. Not after all his lies. And then there was what I did with Fen. Which wasn’t anything, really. But it wasn’t nothing, either. I didn’t know! I just didn’t.
Was I a bad person for lying in the grass with Fen? For crying with him?
Holding him.
My boyfriend’s brother.
We didn’t kiss. We didn’t even talk. But we stayed there until well after midnight, and we couldn’t look at each other when he dropped me off. He just texted me later—like, four-in-the-morning later—and it said:Thank you.
What did that mean?!
And,ohmygod, Frida was driving me up the wall, pawing on the tile outside the door, begging to be let inside, which wasn’t making this any easier.
“Maybe we should just wait until he gets back,” I suggested again, wiping more sweat from my brow. “At least until he texts me back when he gets settled in the Philippines? He might be a touch, uh, cranky with me that I didn’t keep it between us.”
She left the key in the door and leaned against it, holding up her finger. “Never let a man talk you into keeping a secret between the two of you that benefits him only. That is no secret. That is a lie.”
“But—”
“No.” Her head shook as she waved the finger. “I do not care that it’s my son. I would not care if it’s my husband. Sisters keepsecrets. Lovers keep secrets. But secrets should be equally shared. They aren’t lopsided. They aren’t a burden to one and a benefit to the other.”
“How is this a benefit—”
“Just consider my advice. It will come to you eventually. Eddie learned from his father to wheel and deal. But I learned some things too.” She unlocked the door. “Let’s look at your new apartment, my darling.”
Might as well be entering a Halloween spook house, the way my pulse pounded.
