“She tried to pass him off as mine,” Zach admits, dipping his chin. “She came back, said she was pregnant and that she wanted to try and make it work one more time. But… the timing didn’t add up. It had been too long… there was no way that baby was mine, and I refused to let her back into our lives again. She got pissed and admitted that it wasn’t mine after all. I made sure to have paternity run when he was born, and I was right; he wasn’t.” Tears sting my nose at the grief I can sense in him. “I struggled with that. Part of me wanted it to be, so that I could have some kind of claim, to make sure he had a good home, too… but part of me was relieved, too, you know? To know that I wasn’t crazy, that my gut had been right and I wasn’t losing my damn mind.”
Those tears leak out of my eyes, slipping down my cheeks. I want to hold him, gather him close. But I think he needs to get everything out, like some kind of catharsis.
“I heard that baby is bouncing around between her and some of her friends, that the dad dipped before he was born—probably why she tried coming back when she realized she would be alone to take care of it. She just doesn’t have it in her to be a full-time mom,” his voice cracks, and my bravado does, too. I reach for him, pulling him into me. He wraps his arms around me. “I’ve thought about petitioning the courts to get custody, he is their brother after all, but fuck—” he shakes his head, burying his nose in my neck. “Do I even have the resources to raise another kid that’s not even mine? I feel like I’m drowning already. I hate what she’s done to my family, Louise. I hate what she’s done to my girls.”
My heart. God, my heart is breaking for this man. Leaning away, I cup his jaw in my hands, smoothing my thumbs over his cheeks.
“You are an amazing man, Zach. To even consider doing that, taking on that responsibility when it’s not yours to carry…” More tears slip down my cheeks. “If that’s what you want to do, you’ll find a way to make it happen, and you’ll give that baby the same life you give to these girls. And if not, then it’s not a guilt you need to bear.”
He swallows hard, his throat bobbing with the motion. He nods in my hands. “I’m sorry I kept this from you. It’s heavy, Louise. So fucking heavy, and I didn’t—”
I smile through my tears, leaning forward to press a gentle, chaste kiss to his lips, halting his flow of words. “I told you I will walk with you through the heavy stuff, if you’ll let me. Locked in, remember?”
He nods. “Locked in.”
Fifty
Zach
“Iuhh, I told Louise about Britt. About all of it.”
My brother pauses in his workout, setting the dumbbell down on his knee. “All of it? Even…?”
I nod, bracing myself for another squat. I dip low, then come back up, exhaling as I do. We’re in the gym at the station, both of us on our turn to rotate on a forty-eight-hour shift. We also have ropes training tonight, something Chief and I have been working on for weeks. We’ll practice repelling and securing during evacuation rescues, make sure everyone is up to date on protocols. It’s kept my mind busy, which I needed the last few days.
My thoughts are consumed with what’s coming later this week. How everything is going to go down. My lawyer assures me everything will be fine… but, will it?
Guilt has been eating me alive. Guilt over keeping things from Louise, from my girls, shit, even my mom. Mom doesn’t even know about the son Brittanee had. Joel and Chief were the only people I had revealed that truth to… and now Louise.
Joel’s eyebrows jump up. “Wow. What prompted that?”
Setting the bar in the cradle, I straighten, then lean with my arms folded across the metal beam level with my chest. “She hid a fucking AirTag on Lou’s car.”
Joel sets the weight down on the ground, turning toward me fully. “She what? Did you file a report?”
I nod. “Yeah. Took the dash cam video to the county—”
My brother shakes his head, like he’s trying to catch up. “I’m sorry, what dash cam video?”
“Britt tracked us. Accosted Lou. Threatened more like she always does. She keeps coming to the house even though she knows she’s not supposed to—”
“Jesus fuck man,” Joel mutters, shaking his head again. “That’s crazy.” He looks at me then. “Are you ready for Friday?”
“Not even a little bit,” I admit, hanging my head over my folded arms. “I just don’t know what to expect. She’s so goddamn unpredictable. What kind of lies and bullshit is she going to come up with in front of a judge?”
“Let her cook herself. You just sit back and let her fuck up.” Joel shrugs.
“It’s still not fair to the girls,” I sigh, shaking my head. “They deserve better.”
“They have better,” my brother says, staring up at me from where he’s still seated on the bench, legs spread wide on either side of it. “They have you, man. And trust me, they know howmuch you love them.” I nod, swallowing hard. “Lou is good for you. She’s good for them.”
I inhale deeply, holding it for five seconds before exhaling slowly. “That’s what scares the shit out of me,” I admit shakily. “What happens if she walks away? It’s going to break my kids’ hearts, Joel.”
Joel shakes his head, leaning his elbows on his spread knees. “Nah, you can’t let yourself think that. She’s not like that. She’s crazy about you, and about the girls.”
“But what if she doesn’t stay?” I ask, barely daring to breathe the question out loud. It’s the one that scares me the most.
“It’s a chance only you can decide if it’s worth taking, man,” my brother says quietly. “Not everyone is a flight risk.”
