Fucking help me.
“I’ll dress up as a firefighter.”
“You’re not supposed to dress up as yourself, Dad,” Bailey mutters balefully, rolling her eyes at me.
“Lou said she’s dressing up as Princess Peach,” Chloe says, tugging on my hand. “You could be Mario!”
Before I can sayabsolutely not, Joel rounds the corner with Abigail, and he says, “I think that sounds like a great idea, Chlo.”
“Yeah, Dad! You could be Mario, and Uncle Joel could be Luigi or Bowser!” Bailey suggests excitedly.
“No!” Chloe fairly shouts, startling the shit out of me. Her mouth drops open wide in horror at her sister’s suggestion. “Bowser is trying to steal Peach away from Mario to marry her, and Lou isDaddy’sgirlfriend,notUncle Joel’s! He can’t steal her!”
The evil grin that flashes across my brother’s face is diabolical.
This motherfucker.
Glaring at him, I mutter, “Don’t even fucking think about it.”
“Too late.”
“Joel…”
My brother holds up both hands in mock surrender. “Look, pal, I’ll be cool and be Luigi… but you have to dress up as Mario.”
I glare over at him.
“But if you don’t,” he continues, shrugging his shoulders and grinning, “I’m going as Bowser. Chicks love big, romantic gestures. They go feral for a man that shows initiative and creativity.”
“I’m not dressing up,” I mutter, shaking my head.
My brother just shrugs again. “Then I guess just call me Mr. Steal-Your-Girl.”
“You’re a dick,” I grumble, following Chloe and Bailey around another corner.
“Never pretended otherwise, brother,” he laughs, clapping me on the back. Abigail is around another aisle, looking at face paint. She and her friends all decided to go as Beanie Babies,and all are wearing full body animal pajamas with hoods. One of the moms in the group is making ‘ty’ tags for each of them, too. Abigail chose a dalmatian dog and decided she wants to paint her face with spots.
I think the idea is cute as fuck. Andwarm. It gets a whole-hearted approval from this Dad.
Bailey finally settles on a Pinata costume, complete with rubber stick. Again, layer-able under the costume in case the weather on Saturday is chilly. Another Dad approved choice.
Although, I can already foresee a call from the principal over this one. That stick… maybe it accidentally gets lost?
Trying to convince Chloe to choose something that we can layer warm clothes beneath is proving to be a far more difficult task than I thought it would be, though. We’re approximately one more ‘no’ away from a full-blown meltdown… though I’m not sure if it's mine, or my six-year-olds that’s imminent at this time.
In all fairness, it could potentially go either way.
She finally decides on being Judy Hopps fromZootopia, and I breathe a sigh of relief when we make it to the check out. After purchasing the costumes, the face paint, and new light-up trick or treating buckets, we’re out the door.
But not before I eyeball Joel at the check-out next to us, fucking Bowser costume in hand. Shit-eating-grin in place, he winks.
Goddammit.
Forty-Four
Louise
Bliss Garden looks incredible.
