I have many regrets, although some are a lot darker than others.
When Magnus was a child, I used to take him for walks on Seeley Moor because it was close to her.
Close to my twin.
I’ve known about Faye for years, but I could never bring myself to meet her, not after what happened with Rachel. When I first met my birth mother, she came to my house and brought my little sister Dina with her. The children were sent outside and things were going well at first. It wasn’t quite what I’d imagined. There was no tearful reunion filled with apologies and hopes for the future. Instead, she complained. Dina wasn’t the daughter she’d wanted. She talked about regretting giving me up but not because of any sort of love for me, but because Dina wasn’t turning out right.
I was stunned. I found this woman cruel and hard-hearted. As soon as I saw her for what she was, all the anger and resentment poured out of me.
We both said things we could never take back and I never saw her again.
After I fell out with Rachel, I was too scared to risk opening myself up again. There’s nothing quite so painful as being rejected by your own flesh and blood.
But she did tell me I had a twin and she gave me a name. I didn’t do anything about it at first, but then I decided to do some research, and I found out that Faye was a writer. In one interview she talked about a beautiful house on the coast near Seeley Moor.
Every now and then I’d tell myself that I’d walk up to Faye’s house, knock on her door and we’d become real sisters.
I never found the courage to do that. But I did once manage to figure out which house it was. ThePalmer House. Named after her books. It was easy. Though I felt a bit guilty and stalkerish.
I stare down at the plastic cup filled with water. It’s warm now. Not worth drinking. Then the door opens and Lisa steps in.
“Claire,” she says, in a breathy, quiet voice. “You’re okay.”
I’ve never seen my daughter-in-law so frazzled, her make-up smudged, her eyes slightly damp. When she drops down into the chair next to mine, I can’t help but flinch. I think it’s a knee-jerk reaction to anyone close to Magnus. But I’ve long suspected that Lisa is just as much a victim as anyone else in my stepson’s life. I pull her into a hug.
“Claire, what’s going on? Where have you been?”
I don’t want to tell her the truth, that I’ve been sleeping rough. My body hurts from it. I have bruises on my back and my hips and I look as though I’ve aged ten years in the past few weeks. If I hadn’t snuck into Faye’s house for occasional food and shelter, I truly believe I would be dead right now.
“I had to get away from him,” I say. “He tried to kill me.”
Her eyes widen.
“He’s mad, Lisa. He wanted to inherit the money and Jack… Well, Jack told him hewouldinherit it all.” Claire rolls her eyes. “You know how he was. He always placated Magnus.” I run a hand over my face and sigh, completely exhausted by it all. “He drugged me and took me to the moors to…” I trail off, remembering that moment. My eyes slowly opening, hearing the grunts coming from Magnus as he dug that grave. My stomach lurching. The tang of sour vomit. Staggering away to hide.
“I stayed out on the moors because I thought it would be the last place he’d look for me.”
Lisa shakes her head. “I don’t… I don’t know what to say.”
I think of the little boy who almost caused a car accident because he wanted to scare me. The violent teenager who ended up excluded from two boarding schools. The months of feeling ill only to realise he was putting something in my food.
I turn to my daughter-in-law. “Jack never told me he’d left all the money to me. I swear to you.”
“I don’t care about that.” Lisa shakes her head. “Nothing excuses what my husband did.”
“You believe me?” I’m so relieved as I watch her nod.
“He’s sick, isn’t he?” Her eyes meet mine. “He always has been.”
I nod, remembering it all. The hot sensation when Magnus hit me over the head. The way my vision blurred as I ran from him.
I’d kept running for what felt like hours. I tried to clear a barbed wire fence, snagging the slacks I was wearing, ripping and tangling them in the sharp twisted metal. I struggled to get free and had to leave them there, hanging. Then I staggered over the roads in a daze. I went to my twin’s house. I thought I could ask her for help. But when it came down to it, I ran away again. A pathetic coward.
“Claire?”
I pull my thoughts away from that night and back to Lisa. “Sorry, what did you say?”
“The police say we can’t go home. It’s not safe with Magnus out there.” Tears bloom in the corners of her eyes but she wipes them hastily away. “I have the kids here with me. There’s a police officer watching them at the moment. Do you want to book a hotel? Or we could go to my parents?”
